Do you get those printed letters from people telling you about how wonderful they and thier family is living in Heavenly Valley in thier house with the white picket fence? You know what I am talking about. Do ever wonder if your family is the only one with issues? I understand why people do this, of course we are not going to tell everyone our dirty little secrets. I thought it would be fun to post some christmas letters that are a little ahem, different. 
So, here you go:
Hi Friends,
2013 has been an interesting year for the Spottyface family.
Little Oddsby started middle school this year and we are so proud of him for finally getting out of grammar school. We gave him his first razor as a graduation present, can’t have the little fellow with a five o’clock shadow at his graduation. He also is getting better about wetting the bed, sometimes he can get through a whole week without watering the hay. Just last week we told him urine proving.
Our little queen Smellapork got her usual 4.0 average in her senior year at high school. The doctor said she is not contagious anymore, she is so relieved to get out of that confining stainless steel mask. We are finally rid of her scuzzy boyfriend Canisbreath. He took one look at her unmasked face and hit the door, we didn’t even mind cleaning up the puddle of vomit he left behind. We are glad be rid of the low rent cheezeball, papa was getting tired of finding dirty needles in the bathroom.
Mama Spottyface has been a hit at P.T.A. meetings. All the other parents love the pharmaceuticals she brings with her. The meetings have been so lively ever since she has been attending. She has managed to keep out of the drunk tank most of the year, the one time she was caught she beat the daylights out of some little tramp that stole her cigarettes and tried to sell them back to her. Grandpa Shanker would be proud of how she handled herself in that cell. That accident wasn’t her fault either, she had to swerve into that other lane three times before she hit that car. Some people just don’t pay attention when they are driving. We don’t know why the judge was so unreasonable. Who needs a license anyway?
Papa Spottyface has had a busy year too. He had a record 16 jobs this year. No one ever accused him of being a quitter. Only three of his employers have pressed charges this year but none of them have stuck. It seems no one appreciates creative workers anymore. The burns from the meth lab fire are almost healed and the doctor says he can take off the bandages soon.
Happy holidays to you and yours from the Spottyface family.
So, here you go:Hi Friends,
2013 has been an interesting year for the Spottyface family.
Little Oddsby started middle school this year and we are so proud of him for finally getting out of grammar school. We gave him his first razor as a graduation present, can’t have the little fellow with a five o’clock shadow at his graduation. He also is getting better about wetting the bed, sometimes he can get through a whole week without watering the hay. Just last week we told him urine proving.
Our little queen Smellapork got her usual 4.0 average in her senior year at high school. The doctor said she is not contagious anymore, she is so relieved to get out of that confining stainless steel mask. We are finally rid of her scuzzy boyfriend Canisbreath. He took one look at her unmasked face and hit the door, we didn’t even mind cleaning up the puddle of vomit he left behind. We are glad be rid of the low rent cheezeball, papa was getting tired of finding dirty needles in the bathroom.
Mama Spottyface has been a hit at P.T.A. meetings. All the other parents love the pharmaceuticals she brings with her. The meetings have been so lively ever since she has been attending. She has managed to keep out of the drunk tank most of the year, the one time she was caught she beat the daylights out of some little tramp that stole her cigarettes and tried to sell them back to her. Grandpa Shanker would be proud of how she handled herself in that cell. That accident wasn’t her fault either, she had to swerve into that other lane three times before she hit that car. Some people just don’t pay attention when they are driving. We don’t know why the judge was so unreasonable. Who needs a license anyway?
Papa Spottyface has had a busy year too. He had a record 16 jobs this year. No one ever accused him of being a quitter. Only three of his employers have pressed charges this year but none of them have stuck. It seems no one appreciates creative workers anymore. The burns from the meth lab fire are almost healed and the doctor says he can take off the bandages soon.
Happy holidays to you and yours from the Spottyface family.
