Collaborating with well-known pros

[Standalone]

Except on stage, I’m a rather shy and often awkward person. In recent years a friendship and working relationship has developed between my bandleader and a regional/national level bandleader and guitarist that my guitarist has always looked up to and drawn inspiration from.

It’s a real mentorship type of relationship, and he’s sat in with us and asked to produce our most recent album, and even laid down some rhythm and lead tracks on it. It’s a very relaxed and positive vibe, and our scene is very much about humility and no egos.

But still, I find myself being super reserved and, I guess, afraid to fanboy too much. I always have this sense that well known artists probably get annoyed with fans and random folks. I am pretty reserved in the same way in most collaboration situations with folks “in the big print” sections of the festival poster.

I guess it doesn’t really hurt to be on the quiet side, but I was curious out TB’ers experiences and takes on this

 

[drpepper]

I actually think it can hurt to be too quiet if that’s not really you. Your personality and sense of humor are part of what you bring to the table, and if you suppress that you can unintentionally come off as aloof or weird I’d say just be yourself and let him be himself. If there’s a little fanboying in there, that’s human...I don’t think it’s something you need to actively fight. He wants to work with you guys, you're not some rando.

Sorry if I'm off the mark here on your concern because my situation doesn't match yours exactly...I’m a weekend player with a regular 9-to-5 doing covers, not collaborating creatively so much as creating an event. But I’ve been fortunate to have some opportunities to play with a few people who are on a very different plane of musical existence, and every one of those experiences has been a blast.

Our guitarist goes way back with a number of “big print” folks and has some pretty amazing contacts from earlier days in the business. I’ve really enjoyed being able to relate and swap stories during downtime. What I’ve found is that once you get past the resume, there are almost always points of intersection, (amazingly) musically or just in life. I do more listening than talking in those moments, but there’s usually common ground if you’re open to it, even with a side of fanboy.

In terms of the actual work, our situations have mostly been one-off performances, but that still involves sharing time in prep, rehearsal, and on stage. Early on we leaned a bit on our guitarist as a buffer, just in case anyone needed reminding that we weren’t the players they're used to working with, but it’s never really come to that. Those worries have mostly been fears that never materialized.

We played with Mark Rivera earlier this year, and I was told going in that he’s always in musical director mode. That honestly scared me a bit, I had things bouncing around in my mind...he had some issue with the previous bass player in this band and the famous story about him being brought in during the Wings days to tighten up the horn section and even correcting Paul McCartney on his own song

In reality? Total blast. And honestly, the day-of rehearsal and the conversations might have been more fun and rewarding than the gig itself.

It went great, and we’re doing it again in February.

 

[Fuzzbass]

Except on stage, I’m a rather shy and often awkward person.

I've become less shy and awkward in the half century I've been gigging, but am still an introvert by nature. Totally understand your feelings. I'd probably be the same way as you, at least until I became more comfortable working with the celeb. Nothing wrong with caution! As the cliche goes, "put brain in gear before putting mouth in motion".

 

[Freddy T]

Sounds like a cool opportunity. Even though he's an accomplished and admired musician in your scene, don't worry about what his perception of being a fanboy might be. Instead focus on being professional, respectful, thoughtful, and give him deference in his perspectives since the time he gives your project is probably pretty valuable.

Try to act with a spirit of gladness and positivity, and set aside your personal battle with shyness (like you do onstage!). Sometimes people may mis-perceive shyness as being aloof and may become insulted. No need for sending the wrong message about your enthusiasm for his interest in your project! It's ok to acknowledge his stature in your music scene, but just don't objectify him as if it's the only thing he represents as a human being.

Have fun with this situation and enjoy what sounds like a great opportunity to learn and advance in your music. Put a good foot forward, don't hold back on that!

 

[pepj]

I'd reserve final judgement until I knew what they can actually do.

Doing music full time is not necessarily the final arbiter...

They are just people first and foremost, and can have flaws like all of us. It's not always a given that their playing is stellar either,
but if it is, enjoy and listen.

 

[Marc DLarosa]

You aren't a PRO, 'till you blow a PRO's mind. Go in, and do your thing. Bring the ECGOCONFIDENCE. Then... next time... "leave it at (The EGO, not the CONFIDENCE) the door". That "Pro", once did the same thing. Just ask Him/her, once the check clears... LOL!!!

 

[JamesGrant]

Does your Mum know who he is? If not, he’s less famous than you to at least one very important person.
Ask, listen, learn, enjoy! Kind people who are thoughtful and polite are a joy to make music with - you don’t have to ‘light up the room’ to be a good hang!

 

[LowActionHero]

Except on stage, I’m a rather shy and often awkward person. In recent years a friendship and working relationship has developed between my bandleader and a regional/national level bandleader and guitarist that my guitarist has always looked up to and drawn inspiration from.

It’s a real mentorship type of relationship, and he’s sat in with us and asked to produce our most recent album, and even laid down some rhythm and lead tracks on it. It’s a very relaxed and positive vibe, and our scene is very much about humility and no egos.

But still, I find myself being super reserved and, I guess, afraid to fanboy too much. I always have this sense that well known artists probably get annoyed with fans and random folks. I am pretty reserved in the same way in most collaboration situations with folks “in the big print” sections of the festival poster.

I guess it doesn’t really hurt to be on the quiet side, but I was curious out TB’ers experiences and takes on this

I hear ya. I've ran into a few famous people and kept my mouth shut cuz I didnt want to bug them.

I've always regretted it tho...

 

[Standalone]

I actually think it can hurt to be too quiet if that’s not really you. Your personality and sense of humor are part of what you bring to the table, and if you suppress that you can unintentionally come off as aloof or weird I’d say just be yourself and let him be himself. If there’s a little fanboying in there, that’s human...I don’t think it’s something you need to actively fight. He wants to work with you guys, you're not some rando.

Sorry if I'm off the mark here on your concern because my situation doesn't match yours exactly...I’m a weekend player with a regular 9-to-5 doing covers, not collaborating creatively so much as creating an event. But I’ve been fortunate to have some opportunities to play with a few people who are on a very different plane of musical existence, and every one of those experiences has been a blast.

Our guitarist goes way back with a number of “big print” folks and has some pretty amazing contacts from earlier days in the business. I’ve really enjoyed being able to relate and swap stories during downtime. What I’ve found is that once you get past the resume, there are almost always points of intersection, (amazingly) musically or just in life. I do more listening than talking in those moments, but there’s usually common ground if you’re open to it, even with a side of fanboy.

In terms of the actual work, our situations have mostly been one-off performances, but that still involves sharing time in prep, rehearsal, and on stage. Early on we leaned a bit on our guitarist as a buffer, just in case anyone needed reminding that we weren’t the players they're used to working with, but it’s never really come to that. Those worries have mostly been fears that never materialized.

We played with Mark Rivera earlier this year, and I was told going in that he’s always in musical director mode. That honestly scared me a bit, I had things bouncing around in my mind...he had some issue with the previous bass player in this band and the famous story about him being brought in during the Wings days to tighten up the horn section and even correcting Paul McCartney on his own song

In reality? Total blast. And honestly, the day-of rehearsal and the conversations might have been more fun and rewarding than the gig itself.

It went great, and we’re doing it again in February.

I, too, am a weekend (and summers, I’m a HS English Teacher) warrior of sorts, though in an originals band.

Your “be yourself” take is simultaneously the solution and the problem lol. As one of the keepers of the autism flame, I can be be perceived as aloof and weird t any given moment lol. But this guitarist is largely well known for his longtime creative collaboration and national touring work with just about the most famously awkward and introverted bassists around, so he surely gets me.

I've become less shy and awkward in the half century I've been gigging, but am still an introvert by nature. Totally understand your feelings. I'd probably be the same way as you, at least until I became more comfortable working with the celeb. Nothing wrong with caution! As the cliche goes, "put brain in gear before putting mouth in motion".

Yes. For me, I am still often thoroughly awkward when the brain is in gear. I just have that nerd gene lol.

Sounds like a cool opportunity. Even though he's an accomplished and admired musician in your scene, don't worry about what his perception of being a fanboy might be. Instead focus on being professional, respectful, thoughtful, and give him deference in his perspectives since the time he gives your project is probably pretty valuable.

Try to act with a spirit of gladness and positivity, and set aside your personal battle with shyness (like you do onstage!). Sometimes people may mis-perceive shyness as being aloof and may become insulted. No need for sending the wrong message about your enthusiasm for his interest in your project! It's ok to acknowledge his stature in your music scene, but just don't objectify him as if it's the only thing he represents as a human being.

Have fun with this situation and enjoy what sounds like a great opportunity to learn and advance in your music. Put a good foot forward, don't hold back on that!

Well put. The fun is the point for all of us.

I'd reserve final judgement until I knew what they can actually do.

Doing music full time is not necessarily the final arbiter...

They are just people first and foremost, and can have flaws like all of us. It's not always a given that their playing is stellar either,
but if it is, enjoy and listen.

This particular player is an absolute master I have so much respect for him as a musician and human being

You aren't a PRO, 'till you blow a PRO's mind. Go in, and do your thing. Bring the ECGOCONFIDENCE. Then... next time... "leave it at (The EGO, not the CONFIDENCE) the door". That "Pro", once did the same thing. Just ask Him/her, once the check clears... LOL!!!

I’m not at all a chops-oriented woodshed-sharpened player. I like what you say about the concept of EGOCONFIDENCE. I’m kind of hearing in that concept that one does have to woodshed their own confidence with a bit of their own ego… sort of personally and privately. Then, like a rocket sheds its booster, step on stage and into the scene without the ego part, and just a confidence tempered with humility — a confidence that has shed traces of ego and selfishness. I really do like the way you put that

Does your Mum know who he is? If not, he’s less famous than you to at least one very important person.
Ask, listen, learn, enjoy! Kind people who are thoughtful and polite are a joy to make music with - you don’t have to ‘light up the room’ to be a good hang!

Haha fair point.

I hear ya. I've ran into a few famous people and kept my mouth shut cuz I didnt want to bug them.

I've always regretted it tho...

Right? We are all here to enjoy the moment and our time together in this life

 

[JazznFunk]

Most of the best musicians I've ever met or had the honor of playing with were all about making music, and setting peoples' minds at ease. The same goes for famous people who aren't musicians whom I've had the chance to meet and speak with. At the end of the day, we're all just people. We have insecurities, are probably a little dehydrated at times, and put on our trousers one leg at a time.

 

[drpepper]

...We are all here to enjoy the moment and our time together in this life

And I think you’ve kind of answered your own question with that sentiment. The follow-up question is, "How much can you really enjoy those moments and time together if you’re constantly censoring or suppressing yourself?" That takes effort, it’s unnecessary...and not to beat a dead horse, that effort can actually work against what you’re trying to accomplish.

Now, while on the one hand a lot of concerns are unnecessary, it’s also totally natural to have them, but at the end of the day, like you, he’s just a person. And on the other side of this...some point down the road, you’ll probably realize that today's worries weren’t warranted in the first place. Keep doing what you can to shed them now so you can enjoy the ride that much more.

 

[jimmydean]

You are who you are , I have had the opportunity to work , ect with people who if I dropped their names would make your jaws drop . But I can't help this awkward feeling inside being around them .........can't help it .

 

[Standalone]

And I think you’ve kind of answered your own question with that sentiment. The follow-up question is, "How much can you really enjoy those moments and time together if you’re constantly censoring or suppressing yourself?" That takes effort, it’s unnecessary...and not to beat a dead horse, that effort can actually work against what you’re trying to accomplish.

Now, while on the one hand a lot of concerns are unnecessary, it’s also totally natural to have them, but at the end of the day, like you, he’s just a person. And on the other side of this...some point down the road, you’ll probably realize that today's worries weren’t warranted in the first place. Keep doing what you can to shed them now so you can enjoy the ride that much more.

Part of the context here is autism, I suppose I should disclose for my post to make sense. This exact situation is the crux of that particular disability for most of us; stacked traumas tend to create roadblocks to comfortable interaction.

I was basically young Sheldon as a kid and now somehow I’m this dude

 

[drpepper]

Part of the context here is autism, I suppose I should disclose for my post to make sense. This exact situation is the crux of that particular disability for most of us; stacked traumas tend to create roadblocks to comfortable interaction.

I was basically young Sheldon as a kid and now somehow I’m this dude

Context clearly matters, and I certainly don’t pretend to know everything about the spectrum, but you look like a pretty cool Sheldon to me. Realize and remember that the people already in your circle appreciate you for who you are...the way you are, the things you do, the things you say, the way you express yourself on the bass... And you mentioned above that you’re sure he gets you.

The point is, your concerns are natural and pretty universal. Different contexts just change how they’re expressed and how they show up. I'm not suggesting that you should force yourself to be something you’re not in the direction of being more outgoing. I’d just encourage you to do what you can not to get stuck in those concerns now (which also takes effort) at the cost of regrets later.

 

[Standalone]

Context clearly matters, and I certainly don’t pretend to know everything about the spectrum, but you look like a pretty cool Sheldon to me. Realize and remember that the people already in your circle appreciate you for who you are...the way you are, the things you do, the things you say, the way you express yourself on the bass... And you mentioned above that you’re sure he gets you.

The point is, your concerns are natural and pretty universal. Different contexts just change how they’re expressed and how they show up. I'm not suggesting that you should force yourself to be something you’re not in the direction of being more outgoing. I’d just encourage you to do what you can not to get stuck in those concerns now (which also takes effort) at the cost of regrets later.

Very true — these are universal experiences. Impostor syndrome is something we can all run into, at least anyone with a drop of introspection in their personality.

Getting unstuck is indeed one of the true secrets to growth and joy! A good reminder thank you

 

[Jefenator]

IME the best leaders have a certain "secure" quality when it comes to collaboration. They get that accepting some occasional input from the rank & file does in no way diminish their own status.
Quite the opposite: whenever a good idea gets implemented, it makes everyone look better.
Of course when someone's big-league notoriety is genuinely earned, their own ideas tend to be great and I try to take that all in as much as I can.
Ego can be a necessary component IME. But when it dominates to the detriment of the music, I really don't care how famous a person is.

 

[DJ Bebop]

I can be that way, shy quite and afraid of being too fan-ish around notable people.

My way of getting around that is to talk about something else, like food, movies, that girl over there, gear. Something other than how much of a fan and nerd I am of theirs. That seems to ease me into the conversation and it seems to relax them and me.

And to always remember despite their greatness at what they do, or their shortcomings, we all have to get up, get dressed and use the toilet in the morning

 

[MVE]

Sometimes its good to just get it out of the way. If it makes sense in your situation, just come out and say, “Im a big fan of… and I really enjoyed your work on…”
if you don’t, you won’t stop thinking about it and it will only get more and more awkward.

 

[vvvmmm]

... we all have to get up, get dressed and use the toilet in the morning

You may find as you age that it's every other or even 3rd morning if ya miss yer fibre.



IME, famous bassists are cool - it's singers can be a problem in that regard.

 

[DJ Bebop]

You may find as you age that it's every other or even 3rd morning if ya miss yer fibre.