Considering leaving...

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Reedt2000, Jun 8, 2019.

  1. Reedt2000

    Reedt2000 Supporting Member

    Apr 26, 2017
    Central New Jersey
    Thinking about stepping away from a band I've played in for a decade. They don't play much, 1 or 2 times a month typically. They also play the same 2 venues 95% of the time. It's a blues/oldies/country band. I like all the members and everyone can play.

    I've got a lot going on (two working bands, finishing an online degree, full-time job & part-time job). I double booked myself today and thankfully caught it early enough to arrange a sub for the gig I'm not gonna do (which Is the blues band, the other band has a much larger, more significant, and better paying gig).

    Personally I hate that. I work really hard to keep things straight and professional so I'm totally mad at myself for slipping up (it is a non-event for the blues band, they've got a tiny gig and could have gone acoustic w/o bass and been fine).

    I think I'm just over-committed. If I look at all of the things I do to see which I can cut out, the blues band seems like the right choice. It would not only free up a weekend or two but I wouldn't have to worry about conflicting dates. I'd still be available as a sub if they needed. It's a little bittersweet but I think the time has come.

    Curious to hear if anyone has had similar experiences.
    sludgetail, Spidey2112 and pcake like this.
  2. 68Goldfish

    68Goldfish Supporting Member

    Nov 4, 2006
    Port Orchard WA
    Wow, you’re a busy man. Seems like the wisest decision to me. Especially if you can sit in every now and again to still get to play with them every now and again. I have my hands full with work and one band. We do typically play at least three weekends a month. Sometimes I don’t know how long I can keep it up to be honest. I love this band and wouldn’t trade it for the world but it’s getting harder to play a gig, get home after one or so and get up and go to work by seven thirty.
    sludgetail, Spidey2112 and Reedt2000 like this.
  3. 40Hz

    40Hz Supporting Member

    May 24, 2006
    Based on what you say you’ve got going on in your life right now I’m amazed you’re even asking the question.

    FWIW, getting totally mad at yourself is a pointless indulgence in ego. The world doesn’t care about someone’s self image. All it cares about is results. Mistakes get made. You made one. You fixed it. End of story. Let it go. :)
    Haroldo, JRA, Spidey2112 and 2 others like this.
  4. I haven't been in that situation but it seems you have a handle on it.

    I would give notice to the blues outfit and be prepared for them to be slow finding someone suitable since it's been ten years.

    Mind you, 2 weekends paid a month is a nice gig for a lot of older guys so also be prepared to have your workload reduced right away.
    Spidey2112 likes this.
  5. AlexBassMP


    Feb 5, 2014
    Sometime being over commited it's not healty at all. If you feel that you can't accomplish everything , maybe you're doing too much.

    If your bandmates have some kind of empathy , they will understand the reasons to leave.. if they not, you have made the right choice anyways.
    Reedt2000 likes this.
  6. pht2356


    Apr 28, 2018
    Los Angeles
    Sounds like you already know how to handle the situation but want some kind of confirmation . Be stra6with all concerned and you won't feel guilty about your choices. Good luck. Ps suggest hiring assistant to schedule gigs-sounds like your busy! Ps maybe hire assistant that can also lug gear
    Reedt2000 likes this.
  7. pht2356


    Apr 28, 2018
    Los Angeles
    Oops. Straight not sra6
  8. Malcolm35

    Malcolm35 Supporting Member

    For most of us this band thing is not our day job. If you like the guys and enjoy their company once you quit there is usually no going back. My advise would be to hold off making a decision right now and then in a month from now if you still feel the same then it's time to cut the chord.

    IMO, this is a $200 decision. When THE BAND is no longer fun time to move on.
    redwingxix, Reedt2000 and Spidey2112 like this.
  9. pcake

    pcake Supporting Member

    Sep 20, 2011
    Los Angeleez
    sounds like you have too much on your plate. lightening the load a bit can increase your enjoyment of life and keep your blood pressure lower.

    be honest with them but move on. and it's nice that you're willing to sub - it'll help keep them going.
    Reedt2000 and Spidey2112 like this.
  10. Keyser Soze

    Keyser Soze Supporting Member

    Managing stress in one's life is really important. It sounds like you noticed that your warning light just went off. Act on the warning, remove a little stress from your life. "Step away," as you put it.
    Reedt2000 and Spidey2112 like this.
  11. AlexBassMP


    Feb 5, 2014
    Totally agree
    pcake and Reedt2000 like this.
  12. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    The hardest part is the immediate hole from not seeing these people on stage. But just be honest - you don't have time to do right by the band.
  13. You just described a dream situation for 90% of the players out there that frequent forums, lol. Its great you have other, better opportunities though. Maybe discuss cutting back to once a month. Being a house band the same week each month can be cool. I'd bring a guest performer or two with that situation, a good way to find new talent, network, help out performers that are in between, and audiences love seeing that. It messages community, musicians enjoying musicians, and they marvel that somebody can just show up, and blend in with no practice, just winging it.
    3Liter and ArtechnikA like this.
  14. ArtechnikA

    ArtechnikA I endorsed a check once...

    Feb 24, 2013
    Truth be told, I'd love an opportunity like that.
    Central NJ is not too for for this to be attractive.
    PM me to pursue further...
  15. 74hc


    Nov 19, 2015
    Sunny California
    Stress does damage to the body. When you're young, you don't really notice it, but it does catch up with you later.
  16. Reedt2000

    Reedt2000 Supporting Member

    Apr 26, 2017
    Central New Jersey
    2 of the guys are from Doylestown, that might workout. I've brought this up to one of them but I haven't talked to everybody yet. Once I make it official I'll PM you for more details :thumbsup:
    ArtechnikA likes this.
  17. Excellent - I always, always find a sub if I have to bow out of a gig, much less a project. Musicians rule...
    Reedt2000 likes this.
  18. ArtechnikA

    ArtechnikA I endorsed a check once...

    Feb 24, 2013
    Doylestown is close, and I worked in Bridgewater for a year.
    I know the roads ;-)
    Reedt2000 likes this.
  19. Bunk McNulty

    Bunk McNulty It is not easy to do simple things correctly Suspended Supporting Member

    Dec 11, 2012
    Northampton, MA
    Yeah, I have. I played with a country band, Jim-Joe Greedy and the '61 Ramblers for two years. From the beginning, Jim-Joe knew Redhead (cover band) took priority. At the end of the second year, I saw that Redhead was going to eat up most of my calendar, and we parted ways. The band did not gig very often, and the money was sort of a joke, but it was a really great hang: Jim-Joe was an old punk rocker who'd discovered Hank Williams; the lead guitarist/violinist was classically trained and played bass in the local symphony. They were united in their love of early Elvis. Rehearsals with these two were always seriously entertaining.

    But you know, I'm not all that sad. For a weekend warrior band, Redhead is working a lot, and I like to be busy. Do what you gotta do.
    Reedt2000 likes this.
  20. Ewo

    Ewo a/k/a Steve Cooper Supporting Member

    Apr 2, 2008
    Huntington WV
    Being chronically overloaded is a bad condition. Yeah, cut something loose. Think of it as "obligation management."
    Reedt2000 and pcake like this.