Coping with disappointment

[superheavyfunk]

So, on Thursday I was unexpectedly given a shot at a lucrative sync brief opportunity. The deadline is tomorrow at 11am. The TL;DR is I failed to produce a piece that satisfied the client’s wishes.

This is/was my first shot at the big times, so to speak. But it’s not “game over,” yet. I have a debriefing meeting with the label folks later this week, where they’ve said that they’ll give me a break down of why the two songs I sent didn’t work for them, so that’s good news

Obviously, I’m sad that I didn’t get the silly amount of money that I had hoped for (and had already spent in my head)… All this got me thinking about how people cope with disappointment. Many of you must have had an experience where you thought you landed (or actually did land) the gig of your dreams and then something went wrong or there was some kind of unexpected left turn… id love hear about it.

They say that how you cope with disappointment is directly related to how successful you’ll be in life, so let’s hear some of that good advice that you’ve gleaned in life. Maybe it’ll help somebody else get through their disappointment!

 

[Docduval]

Eating chocolate.

 

[BGroovy]

First shot but not the last as you said. When you move up in ANYTHING, nailing that first shot is going to be challenging. However it’s a great opportunity to learn as you level up and nail the next one. The fact that you’re getting a debrief with direct feedback is huge. Think of the learning opportunity and how rare that is? How many people get a shot at a large opportunity in the first place, and if it’s a no right now how many people get feedback on how to get a yes the next time at the same level of play?

If you’re into sports think of moving up from minors to majors or from college to pro. That first game, that first season. It’s all about learning and I expect you’ll come out of this much more prepared for the next shot.

None of that is what you asked though. How do I deal with disappointment? I’m a verbal processor so I seek out my people. My wife, my close friends. Then I process in my head. A long walk or a hike. Nature. Sunshine. Fresh air.

Then I get to work. Talk to a mentor. Seek out someone with experience. Put in the work. Get better. Make gains. Get ready for the next opportunity.

 

[superheavyfunk]

First shot but not the last as you said. When you move up in ANYTHING, nailing that first shot is going to be challenging. However it’s a great opportunity to learn as you level up and nail the next one. The fact that you’re getting a debrief with direct feedback is huge. Think of the learning opportunity and how rare that is? How many people get a shot at a large opportunity in the first place, and if it’s a no right now how many people get feedback on how to get a yes the next time at the same level of play?

If you’re into sports think of moving up from minors to majors or from college to pro. That first game, that first season. It’s all about learning and I expect you’ll come out of this much more prepared for the next shot.

None of that is what you asked though. How do I deal with disappointment? I’m a verbal processor so I seek out my people. My wife, my close friends. Then I process in my head. A long walk or a hike. Nature. Sunshine. Fresh air.

Then I get to work. Talk to a mentor. Seek out someone with experience. Put in the work. Get better. Make gains. Get ready for the next opportunity.

Thank you. I really appreciate this. For the last few hours, I’ve been basically trying to convince myself of everything you said in your first coupe of paragraphs.

I know it to be true, logically. But emotionally, it’s a different story. I’m definitely looking forward to hearing their feedback - I plan to nail the next one (provided there is one).

 

[Dynacord]

Reframing this a bit, I've done a lot of acting work and, thus, a lot of auditions - where one really has to get used to rejection. What really helped was being on the other side of the casting dynamic and seeing how often people did great auditions and were liked but just did not fit what was needed for the role that was being cast. Still, some of those 'failed' auditions are remembered and have often led to other work later. It's very possible the client liked the work but it just did not fit the concept, mood, etc that they specifically wanted right now. Later, who knows... You can't win if you don't play.

That said, I still have some very painful near misses that haunt me. Reminded of when Greg Rzab was talking about coming in second for The Rolling Stones audition to replace Wyman. Paraphrasing, "My friends say other opportunities will come along. I know that's true. But it ain't the @#$% Rolling Stones!"

Anyway, much better to be in consideration than not at all.

 

[ceetee]

Trying is the first step to failure. If you want to avoid failure, don't try. May result in quite a sad life. Alternatively, learn from the failure. Not much to learn from avoiding situations where one might fail. The debriefing provides an opportunity. No shame in improving! Listen and evaluate what they have to say. No need to be disappointed before you know what it was about. At this point, it's just emotions. They are not always to be trusted. Don't put too much weight there, you still don't know what's it about and given the fact, that they offer feedback it seems to me that you didn't produce a total trainwreck.

 

[IanStephenson]

...why the two songs I sent didn’t work for them...

I've picked this out as something more important than maybe it seems. The songs "didn't work for them".

When ever you're rejected (and I use the word VERY broadly but I can't think of a better one) by some one: like they cancel a meet up, or don't text you back, or reply to an email, its easy to make that about you when its probably 90% about them. And almost certainly at least 50%. Other people have their own lives, agendas and issues that you don't know about, which dominate their choices more than you can usually understand. I can think of many times someone's been stressing because they didn't get a reply to an email and then they receive an apology a week later because the other persons phone broke, or they had a family emergency.

Now it's remotely possible that the work you submitted sucked, but that's probably not the case. In fact it might have been excellent. They're calling you in for a debrief, which means they think they might work with you again in the future - why waste time giving feedback to someone you're never going to meet agin (OK its polite and the right thing to do, but most businesses don't operate that way these days). The songs you submitted "didn't work for them", but they went with a different option. You don't know why (at least until the bebnrief and even then you only get half the story). They may have had someone else in mind the whole time and you were just a backup plan. Or maybe they did a deal with a big name and you're benched. Maybe the budget got cut and they're using stock material. They may have decided to cut the shots. They could love the songs but think they'd be better for something else. They may have decided to radically change the brief, or maybe there was stuff in their heads that they never put in the brief... you're not a mind reader (but it would help if you could work on that skill).

Whatever the reason, they've got your number, and want to sit down and talk to you again.

 

[Geepers]

I’m guessing you’re still quite young? All I know is that as you get older you learn to immediately put a failure out of your mind and focus on the next thing. Like anything, practice! Good luck bud. The fact that you’re even enquiring tells me you’re gonna do good at this .

 

[jeff62]

Take the debriefing at face value... there will be some good nuggets in there someplace (even if you disagree or don't understand it at this particular time). I'll share with you what I share with my daughter: a person's success is built on a heaping pile of failures -- it's how you pick yourself up and keep moving forward that makes the person.

 

[Bigwalker]

Also Look at this as a relationship building moment. Listen intently, ask pertinent questions, make copious notes, don't waste time explaining why you played what you did unless they ask. THEN immediately go and redo what you recorded incorporating exactly what they where looking for, and resubmit to them as a followup. This tells them you listen and can be worked with in the future. Followup is a big deal in business relationships.
Good luck

 

[BassBrass]

Also Look at this as a relationship building moment. Listen intently, ask pertinent questions, make copious notes, don't waste time explaining why you played what you did unless they ask. THEN immediately go and redo what you recorded incorporating exactly what they where looking for, and resubmit to them as a followup. This tells them you listen and can be worked with in the future. Followup is a big deal in business relationships.
Good luck

The only part of this I agree with is "don't waste time explaining why you played what you did unless they ask". (sorry Bigwalker) Musical taste from a management group of unknown (probably dubious) expertise is very fickle and Rejection needn't be taken personally at all. Do Not submit to a committee or have it effect what you think, or your method. Go for quality and sincerity and value what you do, while being open minded. Relationships happen spontaneously, not by acting like an administrative assistant. Sometimes it takes a few nibbles before a good fish takes the bait.

 

[Mastiff_5]

Success is a poor teacher. Sharpen and hone, continue to value what drives your passion, and know that your blade will necessarily change shape over time.

 

[bass12]

My cousin used to score films. A couple of them were pretty big (you've heard of them if not seen them). He told me all kinds of stories about the business and how horrible it could be. One of those stories was about a composer (someone whose work most of us would likely be at least casually familiar with) being reduced to tears by a film producer's comments about the submitted music during a meeting. Then there are the countless cases of even world famous artists having their work rejected by labels - even when that work was good enough to become a huge hit later on.

If you got a follow up meeting you are doing well. No, you didn't win first place but you're still on the podium. And getting your foot in the door is no small feat. Well done!

 

[FullumMusic]

Be disappointed. It's perfectly reasonable to feel that way after this happened. And then stop dwelling on it and move on to the composition gig. (I know, i know. Easier said than done. And also, it's kinda what you gotta do.)

It's like playing a bad note in a live performance. "Shoot. Flubbed that note. Keep playing! I'll get it next verse." Don't dwell on it. The note's gone, the song keeps going, and you can't go back and fix it mid-song. You just gotta keep on playing. Then you go home and practice and keep getting better and you miss less notes and have better performances...

You wrote a song that didn't work for this specific group of people's specific situation. It wasn't that it's not a good song. It wasn't that they didn't like it. It just didn't work for the situation, like opera singer trying to sing jazz or rock and it just doesn't fit. It's not that they're a bad singer. They're just a bad fit for the band or situation or song.

There's a big difference between composing music, and composing music for someone else's specific use-case. It takes some getting used to.

This "failed" sync deal isn't a failure. It's a jumping-off point:

Listen to their feedback. Figure out why what you did didn't work. See if you could figure out how you'd change what you did to get it to a point where they would have accepted it. Maybe even do those changes as an exercise. Listen to a bunch of music in similar sync'd media and see if you can extrapolate what the composers were trying to accomplish. Maybe as part of your practice time, instead of practicing scales and bass technique, remove the audio from different videos or video games or whatever media type you want to compose for, and compose audio for them. That can even be used for your demo reel or portfolio so long as you're explicitly clear they're your re-imaginations and not actual sync-jobs you had.

The more you do it, the better you'll get; the more you do it, the more chance you'll have of your composition work for the gig; the better you get the easier time you'll have making music that fits the situation. Ya missed a note, but there's a bunch more notes to play. Keep on playing them.

 

[dune]

Also Look at this as a relationship building moment. Listen intently, ask pertinent questions, make copious notes, don't waste time explaining why you played what you did unless they ask. THEN immediately go and redo what you recorded incorporating exactly what they where looking for, and resubmit to them as a followup. This tells them you listen and can be worked with in the future. Followup is a big deal in business relationships.
Good luck

Excellent advice here. The follow-up debrief sounds like a great opportunity. Be a sponge. Hope it all works out well for you.

 

[Pdaddy1978]

If you ain't failing....you ain't tryin.
It comes with the territory.

 

[Swerve]

So, on Thursday I was unexpectedly given a shot at a lucrative sync brief opportunity.

What is a lucrative sync brief opportunity? This sounds like some weird corporate lingo.

 

[Brandon Shea]

It's 100% normal to feel disappointed in a situation like this, so there's no need to put pressure on yourself to feel less disappointed right this minute. Like you've said, logically you know that you have some good next steps and this is far from the end of the road.

If you're interested in dulling the disappointment, I think @Docduval nailed it right at the start of the thread. Chocolate helps a lot!

 

[dune]

What is a lucrative sync brief opportunity? This sounds like some weird corporate lingo.

I had to Google it myself. Like when a music supervisor is looking for a specific style, feel, vibe, etc. in a song for a film or whatever and puts out a call for folks to submit pieces.

 

[geeza]

I always assume the worst will happen, that way I'm not disappointed when it does happen. If it doesn't happen, that's a bonus