Cutting a long time friend loose.

[bignote]

So, I have known this guy for nearly 20 years and have played in several bands with him. Our problem is his attitude. I get that we all like what we like but there is a point to that.
Background. The guy has been bugging me to start a band with him but the writing is on the wall is that it will be a tired setlist and it will be blazingly loud and I am no longer interested in rehashing the same 40 tunes. Along came the opportunity that I am into now. Trio, excellent singer, guitarist, Killer drummer and arranger and myself playing bass. Our setlist is very eclectic everything from John Mayer to War, P-funk to Phish.
I thoroughly enjoy playing with these guys and we are having a blast and playing quite a few gigs. Anyway my old friend is just downright nasty about everything. All he can do is be negative about this new endeavor. Trash talks all my new gear purchases, trash talks my new band on social media. Comes out to the clubs and watches the band next door but won't come and check this new band out. Truly, I just don't need all this negativity and butt hurt in my sphere right now.
Thoughts?

 

[bholder]

"Buh-bye now, old buddy."

 

[westrock]

People change over time and sometimes not for the better. When in doubt X them out.

 

[bholder]

I have, or had, two ex-band mate friends I've stayed in touch with, until one of them started emailing me dissing and running down and insulting the other one in the most petulant childish way. Tried to just steer him away / around it, but he was persistent. Sorry, Randy, you're outta here...

 

[Killing Floor]

Agree. Life is too short. No need to be cruel in return but I'd simply stop being available to them. Good luck.

 

[JRA]

Thoughts?

say the following to your 'long-time friend':

"Truly, I just don't need all this negativity and butt hurt in my sphere right now."

good luck!

 

[FryFunk]

Me and my old guitarist have an odd relationship.

We're cousins(we were side by sides cousins, same age, spent more time together than we did with our siblings, we have a decent amount in common in music terms.

But all we do is throw passive aggressive insults, and experience massive sensations of glee when the other fails.

It's so bizarre and petty.

But it's like we're trapped in it.

It's a real shame because we both really like song writing.

We in a lot of ways could be in the perfect band.

Saying good bye is life.

 

[sonojono]

Been there done that and it feels like a big weight has lifted off your shoulders for the better.

 

[gln1955]

Someone who can't be supportive of what you're doing and happy for your success isn't a friend. Like the song, he's "Just somebody that you used to know".

 

[red_rhino]

All he can do is be negative about this new endeavor. Trash talks all my new gear purchases, trash talks my new band on social media. Comes out to the clubs and watches the band next door but won't come and check this new band out. Truly, I just don't need all this negativity and butt hurt in my sphere right now.

I think I know this guy, or at least one just like him. Some relationships have way more overhead and drama than they’re worth. At some point this will morph into an obsession on his part because you don’t want to play with him.

Life is full of people who will drain you of energy and joy if you let them.

"Buh-bye now, old buddy."

This.

 

[J Wilson]

These days are negative and trying enough without someone we're close to carping away like a bitter old lady.

And after it's all said and done, I'd say there's more than a little jealousy involved disguised as him bashing on you for stepping out from under the same old, same old: It's all he knows how to do, and he's comfortable there. It must gall him to no end you've 'broken the mirror' and stepped away.

Unfortunate. If it were me, he's in the rearview mirror. Who needs that crap?

I find it very sad that miserable people are only happy IF you are miserable too, so unbelievably soul-crushing to live like that, if you can call it living. I was let go from several bands where I was the only sober and reasonably well-adjusted person in the bunch: If I'd have been as sick and bad off as them, I'd have been in like Flynn.

 

[theduke1]

Passive aggressive
Drop him like a bad habit
Duke

 

[slimefuzz]

Did you talk to him about how you feel?

 

[Hover-Rich]

You cannot control what the "friend" says or does. The only thing you can control is what you let happen inside of you; how it affects you. Make a conscious choice to let it roll right off your back.

 

[coy garcia]

It happens...He is just hurt. He will get over it in time and then you can be friends again..no need to cut him loose just take a break from him.

 

[WG Plum]

I've never had a problem cutting people loose who don't bring anything positive to my life.

 

[Bunk McNulty]

I'm betting he feels you've deserted him. In which case he's dropping you. He just doesn't know how to say it. But you can: "You don't like me anymore, do you? If you liked me, you wouldn't be talking to me the way you've been. So, you know, see you around."

 

[two fingers]

So, I have known this guy for nearly 20 years and have played in several bands with him. Our problem is his attitude. I get that we all like what we like but there is a point to that.
Background. The guy has been bugging me to start a band with him but the writing is on the wall is that it will be a tired setlist and it will be blazingly loud and I am no longer interested in rehashing the same 40 tunes. Along came the opportunity that I am into now. Trio, excellent singer, guitarist, Killer drummer and arranger and myself playing bass. Our setlist is very eclectic everything from John Mayer to War, P-funk to Phish.
I thoroughly enjoy playing with these guys and we are having a blast and playing quite a few gigs. Anyway my old friend is just downright nasty about everything. All he can do is be negative about this new endeavor. Trash talks all my new gear purchases, trash talks my new band on social media. Comes out to the clubs and watches the band next door but won't come and check this new band out. Truly, I just don't need all this negativity and butt hurt in my sphere right now.
Thoughts?

Right there with you

The kindest thing to do is sit down with him and ask him if he's OK. See if there is some sort of underlying issue causing his hostility (rather than his simply being g a jerk).

I doubt there's anything. But it's nice to ask.

Once you do that, if he reacts with more hostility, cut him loose. Walk away knowing that you took the high road.

You are certainly within your rights to simply say bye-bye. But it's one notch up on the good human rankings to make sure there isn't something you don't know about causing his angst.

 

[Shorelinegold]

Me and my old guitarist have an odd relationship.

We're cousins(we were side by sides cousins, same age, spent more time together than we did with our siblings, we have a decent amount in common in music terms.

But all we do is throw passive aggressive insults, and experience massive sensations of glee when the other fails.

It's so bizarre and petty.

But it's like we're trapped in it.

It's a real shame because we both really like song writing.

We in a lot of ways could be in the perfect band.

Saying good bye is life.

Your names don't happen to be Lennon and McCartney, are they?

 

[Shorelinegold]

So, I have known this guy for nearly 20 years and have played in several bands with him. Our problem is his attitude. I get that we all like what we like but there is a point to that.
Background. The guy has been bugging me to start a band with him but the writing is on the wall is that it will be a tired setlist and it will be blazingly loud and I am no longer interested in rehashing the same 40 tunes. Along came the opportunity that I am into now. Trio, excellent singer, guitarist, Killer drummer and arranger and myself playing bass. Our setlist is very eclectic everything from John Mayer to War, P-funk to Phish.
I thoroughly enjoy playing with these guys and we are having a blast and playing quite a few gigs. Anyway my old friend is just downright nasty about everything. All he can do is be negative about this new endeavor. Trash talks all my new gear purchases, trash talks my new band on social media. Comes out to the clubs and watches the band next door but won't come and check this new band out. Truly, I just don't need all this negativity and butt hurt in my sphere right now.
Thoughts?

Just adding to all the other comments here that you don't need that kind of negativity. As someone else said, don't need to be rude, but also don't need to let him down easy either. Sounds like you're in a great situation and for him...well...haters gonna hate.