So, you're tired of playing the same old songs and you're happy with what you got. Any friend would accept that answer. You don't need to "cut anyone loose". Just tell it like it is then go have a beer. End of story.
Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Cutting a long time friend loose.
- Thread starter bignote
- Start date
So, you're tired of playing the same old songs and you're happy with what you got. Any friend would accept that answer. You don't need to "cut anyone loose". Just tell it like it is then go have a beer. End of story.
Honestly I was thinking about that as I typed.
We hate eachother but we need eachother.
We grew up side by side, so our musical tastes, views on music/movies etc all overlap.
We both want to be in bands, but neither of us can find what we're looking for with strangers.
I always thought when people like McCartney went solo, it was a desperate move to save face.
But I now realize when you've found a musical partner it's impossible to replace them.
That's not a friend.
Or he's jealous, or feeling left out. Of the band, or of your bandmates.
Ask him.
Last edited:
Passive-aggressive is unacceptable to me.
On an optimistic note, I fairly recently re-connected with a friend I dropped years ago; we both know why and we both make sure not to re-create those conditions (his p-a, my intolerance/lack of patience).
Also, he dropped that girlfriend.
On an optimistic note, I fairly recently re-connected with a friend I dropped years ago; we both know why and we both make sure not to re-create those conditions (his p-a, my intolerance/lack of patience).
Also, he dropped that girlfriend.
Yep, time to cut him loose. There is no victory in letting one steal your joy. If he doesn't want what is best for you, he is no friend.
There are three kinds of people in the world:
- People are you never going to cross paths with. This is by far the largest group.
- People who will be in your life until death. For most people this is family members and closest friends.
- People who will be in your life for a finite amount of time. This is everyone else, and the majority of people you know.
I was in a band with a friend who had a completely different approach to music. To make a sports analogy, in practice I like to run drills, set up and learn plays, and be prepared. He liked to just throw the football around in the backyard.
Though we put setlists together and practiced songs, when it got to the gig he would change keys, subsitute songs and even bring up musicians/singers to play with us. We sucked big time. So I quit.
Music is hard enough and in the end you should enjoy what you play and whom you play it with.
Though we put setlists together and practiced songs, when it got to the gig he would change keys, subsitute songs and even bring up musicians/singers to play with us. We sucked big time. So I quit.
Music is hard enough and in the end you should enjoy what you play and whom you play it with.
You have really said it all in your post.
Clear and concise.
The challenge, of course, is no matter how you deliver the message to your "friend", he will not take it well.
So, is confronting him with the truth, or just quietly moving away from him the best way to go? I don't know.
I had a similar situation to this, but I moved to another city!
Good luck
Clear and concise.
The challenge, of course, is no matter how you deliver the message to your "friend", he will not take it well.
So, is confronting him with the truth, or just quietly moving away from him the best way to go? I don't know.
I had a similar situation to this, but I moved to another city!
Good luck
interesting thread. I agree with this. He is now in group 3. I would do my best to take the high road. You want to do something different, he doesn’t. Move on and maybe your paths cross in the future
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
Sounds like jealousy. He knows he won't have you as bassist, or what your new project has, and can't admit he won't get there.
Talking about it with him is the first step. Taking a break from him is the next. It's not a war. Not everything has to be absolute and one way.
Do what you are doing. Try to talk it out with him. If that doesn't work take a break. Always leave the door open to get back on good terms.
Do what you are doing. Try to talk it out with him. If that doesn't work take a break. Always leave the door open to get back on good terms.
Im afraid you will have to cut him loose. here is my story
after a series of unhinged behavior and driving away some great talent this was the last straw.
after a benefit where he ruined the vibe of the entire benefit the singer asked me to fire him. she was super green and he was intimidating. so i fired him and then i asked him to get help. i told him i loved him and he will always be my friend but i will not play with you unless you are seeking some mental health of some sort. I tried to be as nice as possible but it really wasnt possible. just a week or two after this he just kept hounding me to start a new band i had to stay firm and reiterate i cannot tolerate his behavior and he should seek help. well he flew off the handle and just up and moved to denver. didnt see him for 5 years then he hired me to play on the album and flew me to denver and such. then when he toured he asked me to tour with them, i declined and just jammed a few tunes with him when they came though town. after the gig the rest of the band asked me how i dealt with him for so long? i guess he had a meltdown at a gig and a disappearing act he was putting on stranding the guys in weird places. i told them thats why i didnt do the tour and good luck........
after a series of unhinged behavior and driving away some great talent this was the last straw.
after a benefit where he ruined the vibe of the entire benefit the singer asked me to fire him. she was super green and he was intimidating. so i fired him and then i asked him to get help. i told him i loved him and he will always be my friend but i will not play with you unless you are seeking some mental health of some sort. I tried to be as nice as possible but it really wasnt possible. just a week or two after this he just kept hounding me to start a new band i had to stay firm and reiterate i cannot tolerate his behavior and he should seek help. well he flew off the handle and just up and moved to denver. didnt see him for 5 years then he hired me to play on the album and flew me to denver and such. then when he toured he asked me to tour with them, i declined and just jammed a few tunes with him when they came though town. after the gig the rest of the band asked me how i dealt with him for so long? i guess he had a meltdown at a gig and a disappearing act he was putting on stranding the guys in weird places. i told them thats why i didnt do the tour and good luck........
Then was then. Now is now. You're happy. Rock on, brother. He'll get over it, after all there are a lot of bass players out there. He should accept that you're in a good situation and move on. If he can't find anyone else who wants to play with him then that says something, too.
the green eyed monster is on your back, it is hard to let go of that once "loyalty" thing, but its got to work both ways, or it doesn't work.
Let him go, but as explained previously, sit down and tell him why and how you have viewed things transpiring to this point, and how it is making you feel.
It would be good to part with some closure.
Let him go, but as explained previously, sit down and tell him why and how you have viewed things transpiring to this point, and how it is making you feel.
It would be good to part with some closure.
