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Cutting a long time friend loose.
- Thread starter bignote
- Start date
Sorry to hear. I’ve been there.
I feel like in situations like this, it’s not really about ditching a good friend who changed, it’s more about realizing that they never were a true friend, and it just took 20 years to figure it out.
That situation hits home to an extent. Unfortunately playing\interacting with people for a significant period of time can produce unwanted baggage. Some of them have been around for your absolute best and absolute worst days/phases of life, which can be a bit of a double edged sword. I've certainly been guilty of negativity in certain instances (recording sessions that weren't going well for various reasons, poopy gigs, stagnant songwriting sessions, etc.) and try to consider that during said times, but when it constantly deters from group progress and\or your own happiness and enjoyment of what you're putting all that time and effort toward....it's just not worth it anymore.
Seems like you've moved forward while he has not and you've outgrown the boundaries that hold him.
Since it's you that has done the growing it is within your responsibility to be the bigger person.
No need to answer negativity with negativity or hostility with hostility.
No need to cut off a person for good because of where they are.
But also no need to expose yourself to that sort of negativity and hostility.
You can agree to disagree and be friends outside of music.
You can take a hiatus because of the differences that make a friendship impossible for the time being.
You can try to explain your position - and you can leave any time you wish.
Since it's you that has done the growing it is within your responsibility to be the bigger person.
No need to answer negativity with negativity or hostility with hostility.
No need to cut off a person for good because of where they are.
But also no need to expose yourself to that sort of negativity and hostility.
You can agree to disagree and be friends outside of music.
You can take a hiatus because of the differences that make a friendship impossible for the time being.
You can try to explain your position - and you can leave any time you wish.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for a friend is cut them loose. If it’s just a phase you might see them again, but if it’s just their true nature finally showing itself…
Either way, you win.
It sounds like he's jealous/envious of your joy in this new group. Trust me, I know the feeling.
When I set my musical compass on a completely different path, I lost a lot of so-called friends because of it. I had to. It wasn't helping. Like you, I did NOT WANT TO DO the same 40 songs anymore. I've retained a few of the old crowd, but most have gone by the wayside.
Sometimes it's for the best that you cut loose. It's ok to feel a bit sad, but relationships come and go. It's all part of the journey. Who knows? Maybe he'll come around in the future. If not, try to remember the good times.
For now, you're on a new path that seems right for you. Good luck and have fun, buddy.
When I set my musical compass on a completely different path, I lost a lot of so-called friends because of it. I had to. It wasn't helping. Like you, I did NOT WANT TO DO the same 40 songs anymore. I've retained a few of the old crowd, but most have gone by the wayside.
Sometimes it's for the best that you cut loose. It's ok to feel a bit sad, but relationships come and go. It's all part of the journey. Who knows? Maybe he'll come around in the future. If not, try to remember the good times.
For now, you're on a new path that seems right for you. Good luck and have fun, buddy.
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Nothing lasts forever...including friends. It sounds as if he stopped being a friend a long time ago. Almost sounds as if he has an addiction issue due to the immaturity of his behavior...or he's just psychotic. Either way, his presence in your life is a lot like crab grass...it spreads and, before you know it, it has taken over.
- Jul 7, 2010
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Just be honest and tell him to his face how you feel and IF he wants to change his attitude then you will still communicate as friends, if not then you will be moving on in life.
Main thing is be as polite as possible and be honest with him. Sometimes people don't realize how they become because no one really will be honest.
Tough thing to do sometimes.
Main thing is be as polite as possible and be honest with him. Sometimes people don't realize how they become because no one really will be honest.
Tough thing to do sometimes.
If I were in that position, I'd immediately block him on all social media (if I had any) and block his other points of contact as well. Let him figure it out.
SirMjac28
Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion
Twenty years is a long time and if he was a terrible person the relationship wouldn't have lasted this long. He deserves at least a conversation because there may be something going on in his life that he's having a hard time with or he's having a hard time losing a twenty-year friendship.
Don't let his negativity bring you down (or slow you down). I'd just let that relationship drift apart. I avoid things / people that are unpleasant (for me). I have a similar "old friend" who drinks WAY too much and just sits around insulting the world in general. Since he never does anything all his stories are the same. I actually know MOST of the things he's gonna say in an evening before he even says them..... hahaha.... But anyways.... going over there to watch him drink and rage just doesn't get put on my agenda very often.
