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Dating..whats up with men?

Lowner

Lowner

May 14, 2005
430
4
Over Here
#1
I am 31 year old woman. I am over weight but I do work out and have lost a lot of weight recently. But I am still overweight by most guys standards, I guess. I have met several men who have just flat out told me I am too fat for them to date me. I am a sweet lady, kind, caring, thoughtful, love sports and think I would make a good wife or girlfriend. yet men as soon as they find out I am overweight run far ,far away from me.
i just dont know why men are so preoccupied with looks. but i am no means an ugly lady. i am beautiful ,dang it! its just that I dont understand men who tell me looks are not inportant to them then they tell me I am too fat!
 
#4
I think that there'a a lot of truth to cliche that beauty comes from inside. When people feel good about themselves and feel beautiful, they put that out to others. I know lots of overweight women in great relationships, men too - it really has got nothing to do with the looks, IMO. I would guess that while you infer that you're comfortable with your weight, you're really not. If you were, me thinks it wouldn't be an issue. I'd suggest either learning to be really comfortable as a plump girl, or learning how to lose the extra weight.

Sorry if this seems insensitive. It's my honest thoughts.
 
#6
Like it or not, physical beauty is a factor in human relationships. If someone isn't attracted, they aren't attracted. It's less of a factor as the relationship progresses and a foundation is built, but it's very important in the early stages. I don't think you can demonize men for being honest with you.
 
#7
It depends on what you mean by overweight. Some numbers would be helpful i.e. your height and your weight. Outside of that a lot of men desire the stick figure ideal of a woman that has very large breasts. :D

Typically and this is by no means all inclusive, men of color will be more forgiving on the weight issue due to women of color being more curvey, think Jennifer Lopez's butt versus any white women's butt or check out any rap video with liberal amounts of booty shake'n.

What's also funny is that guys will make comments about women's bodies and their own bodies are no piece of cake, pot bellies, etc. You would think they would be in no position to judge but they do.
 
#9
Some of us guys dig large women. You just haven't run into one yet. Also take note what I mean when I say large--J-Lo is not a large woman, and neither are most of the girls on rap videos. Nope, rest assured that there are plenty of guys who believe that a 5'2" woman weighing 200 lbs is what a women should look like (those are my wife's stats, BTW :) )
 
#11
be social. you'd be surprised at how many places there are where you can find folks to be friends with. go to a starbucks the same time every couple of days for an hour or two. talk to the folks that work there, make friends. talk to the other folks you meet.

you'd be surprised - you may not come away with a boyfriend directly, but the more friends you have, the more likely you are to meet someone through them.

just some random thoughts.
 
#12
john turner said:
be social. you'd be surprised at how many places there are where you can find folks to be friends with. go to a starbucks the same time every couple of days for an hour or two. talk to the folks that work there, make friends. talk to the other folks you meet.

you'd be surprised - you may not come away with a boyfriend directly, but the more friends you have, the more likely you are to meet someone through them.

just some random thoughts.
Click to expand...

Good call, friend.

I go to the farmer's market every Saturday morning...and now after going regularly for quite a while I recognize, and am friendly with people there...and a few cute farm girls now know my name. ;)

I worked at a coffee house for 6 years as the night manager, and met a huuuuge variety of very cool people who became good friends just from being in the same place so often. Even ended up dating a few of them.

No better way to meet people than a neutral setting where there's no expectations of stuff.
 
#13
I'm not an attractive guy, and it was hard for me to get a girl's attention without wierding them out.

In retrospect, every single girl I dated, including my wife, was someone who I kept running into for one reason or another, and they had time to get to know me without the added pressure of a relationship or first date hanging over their heads.

Then we realized we were attracted to each other, and went out.

I'd say follow the excellent advice given by the previous guys.
 
#14
I really don't understand either why other men love skinny girls so much. Id pick a big woman over some scrawny chic anyday of the year... I just love them. Everything about a plus sized woman is beautiful, I don't care what anyone says. What a lot of men don't realize is big girls are extremely sweet, loving, and caring... and they will never find that out because they are so shallow. You will find the right man out there Lowner, trust me, there are lots of them. Il take a big girl to hold over a skinny one anyday.
 
#15
My feeling is that it makes no sense to judge someone for being honest about what they're attracted to. We're cut from the same cloth as wolves and chimps and birds, but we sometimes insist on making attraction purely a matter of intellect and ethics, while dismissing chemistry. Burningskies is right ... there are a lot of people out there, and a lot of different tastes. Among them are plenty of guys who wouldn't even talk to you unless you GAINED a hundred pounds.

On the other side of the equation is the part you play in this. I don't know you at all, but I've seen some patterns with overweight people over the years. One is that they're overweight for a reason--part of them specifically wants to keep them safe from other people. If there's any of that going on, then losing weight will just amount to shedding a symptom.

Another pattern is that people who have been overweight their whole lives learn to interact with the world as an overweight person. They get used to the responses they elicit, and to the role they end up playing in social situations. So a personality evolves along with the body type. Simply shedding the pounds does nothing to change the social habits.

I've also known very overweight people who for whatever reason don't fall into any of the patterns. They just don't show up as a fat person in terms of their personality or their social interactions. The result is that they don't get treated like one. Not sure what their secret is, but it's interesting to notice.
 
#16
paulraphael said:
I've also known very overweight people who for whatever reason don't fall into any of the patterns. They just don't show up as a fat person in terms of their personality or their social interactions. The result is that they don't get treated like one. Not sure what their secret is, but it's interesting to notice.
Click to expand...

A famous psychiatrist, who shall remain nameless here, once said ,"We act like the person we think other people see."
 
#18
Grey Goose said:
I really don't understand either why other men love skinny girls so much. Id pick a big woman over some scrawny chic anyday of the year... I just love them. Everything about a plus sized woman is beautiful, I don't care what anyone says. What a lot of men don't realize is big girls are extremely sweet, loving, and caring... and they will never find that out because they are so shallow. You will find the right man out there Lowner, trust me, there are lots of them. Il take a big girl to hold over a skinny one anyday.
Click to expand...

What you may not realize is that there are lots of sweet, loving and caring women who are stick thin. Personality has NOTHING to do with size. Some guys like little women, some like big girls. Neat how nature makes sure there's some of each, huh?
 
#19
Pacman said:
Like it or not, physical beauty is a factor in human relationships. If someone isn't attracted, they aren't attracted. It's less of a factor as the relationship progresses and a foundation is built, but it's very important in the early stages. I don't think you can demonize men for being honest with you.
Click to expand...
Sounds hellish but i completelly agree

And i dont know about the other guys about here, but, christ, im glad im not going out with a stick, women with a bit of shape to them are nicer :smug:
 
#20
Pacman said:
Personality has NOTHING to do with size.
Click to expand...

Not trying to nitpick but I think it can. Someone who was rather average looking might be nicer to try and make up for what they lack in the looks dept. Some one who is considered by most people to be very attractive might be a real bitch cause they know they can get away with it

not saying this is the case with everyone, or even most peopl

but its a possibility.
 

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