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Dating..whats up with men?

#141
Poop-Loops said:
Yeah, the body fat system is screwed up for people who are actually athletic. It assumes you do nothing but sit on your ass the whole day, which is why when you actually gain some weight (I gained 25lbs through weight lifting, but really didn't gain much visible muscle) they think you are fat. It's ridiculous.
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It isn't the body fat system that is screwed up, it is improper use of the BMI that is screwed up. When I was in my third year of University at Military College my BMI was 30, however I had actual body fat testing done using a whole bunch of caliper measurements and it said that I was around 8% bodyfat. I think that with only the BMI measurement my bodyfat was estimated at 38% or something. I haven't run across any doctors that think my high BMI means that I am fat or at risk for heart disease, they can look at me and tell. I don't doubt that some uninformed people do think that if you are at a BMI of > 30 that you are automatically obese. I think that obesity is more accurately defined by a body fat percentage.
 
#142
She needs to stop these "because I'm fat" posts. Very few people are afraid of a little meat, but if you have enough meat to open up a butcher shop, it's time to seek help. If you think your size is preventing you from being a gigging bassist and/or being in a relationship, get on a stationary bike, it's not all that difficult. If it's such an obstacle in your life, the answer is simple. Get rid of it. Diet. Exercise. Get surgery if necessary. If you don't at least try to change your situation, you have no right to complain. If you like who you are, that's perfectly fine. But that doesn't mean others have to. If someone isn't looking for tub of love, that is their preference.
 
#143
Poop-Loops said:
"Looking for ways to be hurtful"?

All she said was "flat out told me that I was too fat". I don't find that malicious, I find that completely honest. If she had said "they invited me to a party and then told everybody that I was too fat to date" or something, then yeah. But from 1 sentence you figured they were being mean to her on purpose? Did you even hear their version of the story? Or do you automatically assume they are jerks?





Yeah, the body fat system is screwed up for people who are actually athletic. It assumes you do nothing but sit on your ass the whole day, which is why when you actually gain some weight (I gained 25lbs through weight lifting, but really didn't gain much visible muscle) they think you are fat. It's ridiculous.
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Yes.

If you tell someone "I'm not attracted to you.", that's honest. If you tell someone "You're ugly." you're telling them the same thing, but doing it to hurt them. So yes. They're jerks.
 
#144
Bob Clayton said:
i disagree.

if so, i am one of those "insensitive jerks".

i have over weight female friends, but i am not attracted to them.

regardless of their personality, i just find being over weight not attractive in the least.

we as humans can't control what we are attracted to.

if we could, then i could accuse a lot of guys in this thread of being "insensitve jerks" about ruling out skinny women on that basis alone.

whatever way we lean on the weigh issue, we can't control it. it's how we're wired.

to the OP- keep your chin up. sooner or later you will find someone.
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From what I gather from the OP, it's not about "like, don't like", it's about respect for your fellowing human being.

I for one, would never comment to any woman about there size, large or small. Why even go there?

If it were me, I would say "sorry, I don't feel anything for you" or something like that.
 
#145
I don't agree that they're necessarily jerks. We don't know all the details. Basically the OP said that the guys said she was too fat to date, but we don't know if the OP pressed the issue. If I was asked out by a girl that I was not attracted to I would at first say no with little explanation... but if the reason were that the person was overweight and they kept asking why I'd probably eventually tell them that I thought they were overweight (PC for fat I guess). Without knowing the whole story I guess one could only really say that they might be jerks.
 
#146
Bard2dbone said:
Yes.

If you tell someone "I'm not attracted to you.", that's honest. If you tell someone "You're ugly." you're telling them the same thing, but doing it to hurt them. So yes. They're jerks.
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If someone told me they weren't attracted to me, my first response would be "why?"

I just don't think we know enough of the story, that's why we're both assuming stuff.
 
#150
Lowner said:
I am 31 year old woman. I am over weight but I do work out and have lost a lot of weight recently. But I am still overweight by most guys standards, I guess. I have met several men who have just flat out told me I am too fat for them to date me. I am a sweet lady, kind, caring, thoughtful, love sports and think I would make a good wife or girlfriend. yet men as soon as they find out I am overweight run far ,far away from me.
i just dont know why men are so preoccupied with looks. but i am no means an ugly lady. i am beautiful ,dang it! its just that I dont understand men who tell me looks are not inportant to them then they tell me I am too fat!
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First off, it's TERRIBLE of anybody to say something like that to you.

I've been overweight all of my life, with very few exceptions. Right now, I'm a lot lighter than I was say, 7years ago(almost topping out then at 300 pounds)I've fought the battle of the bulge all of my life, and I've had women tell me what men have told you. I've also been rejected for gigs a long time ago, because of my weight.

Some people are just jacka$$s-nothing you can do about that.
I say forget it. Someday, some guy is gonna find out just what kind of a person you are, and will not care about whether or not you have a "hot" body.

Good luck to you-hope you NEVER have to hear terrible comments from jerks like that ever again :bassist:
 
#151
when u say this...
Lowner said:
yet men as soon as they find out I am overweight run far ,far away from me.
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it makes me think your looking online or something for guys..wich is bad..

im 20 year old guy (21 in 2 weeks :)) and iv been single for about 3 years, (im kinda overweight myself, and pretty hairy lol) but im ok with being single, and at this age, girls are pretty shallow too, its not just guys that are into looks, but when youve been single a while u start to learn some things,

1) its better to find somebody that likes u cuz of the inside, and its ok if the outside isnt amazing, it helps to make sure that people are interested in the inside.

2) its better to be friends with peopel first, you get to find out what they are about before u start going into relationships. its hurts less when somebody u dont care too much about tells u your not worth it, but when somebody youve bonded with tells you your not worth it, it hurts a million times worse
 

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