Dating..whats up with men?

[VanillaO]

No. I meant myspace is the bastion of 14 year old girls. None of them are older than me hence myspace won't work. Normally I would make a pedophilia joke, but this place is too uptight for that.

But the world is shifting into a manner in which jokes about pedophilia and racism and such that used to be horrible are becoming the norm. Some people may not want to accept this, but they aren't really people.

A joke is a joke in my books

 

[txbasschik]

Not to be mean, but it sounds like the guys are saying exactly what you expect them to say--which means the feelings are coming from YOU. I have lots of friends who are overweight--one is 5'4" and 200lbs and she just married the love of her life-- a very sweet and handsome man. But she doesn't focus on her weight, and she doesn't give off that "am I fat?" vibe.

What do you like about yourself? And also, what kind of guys are you going after?

Your weight is not the issue with guys. It may the issue with you liking you. I'm sure there is much to love about you. When you can love you, then others will too.

I agree.

One of the coolest-looking women I've ever seen probably weighs 200. She beat me out of a great job, but I never held it against her, because she's sweet.

I rode the bus into town with this girl for years. She is the kind of person who is very happy in her own skin, and *man*, she pulls herself together *well*! Awesome clothes with a very individual and eclectic style, and big as she is, she always manages to look extremely cool.

She walks everywhere in the city. She's just one of those people who are big, no matter how much exercise they get. But only the most Shallow of Hals could say she was ugly.

Cherie

 

[Blackbird]

Normally, I would make a pedophilia joke, but this place is too uptight for that.

Sorry we're making it so hard for you to be yourself.

It's a bit like the Simpsons episode where the angel says to Homer "Well, this is heaven for everybody."

But the world is shifting into a manner in which jokes about pedophilia and racism and such that used to be horrible are becoming the norm.

I don't know which pulse your finger's on, but maybe you're just being selective about the things you want to see?

Some people may not want to accept this, but they aren't really people to me.

A joke is a joke in my books as long as it doesn't affect me.

Fixed it for you.

 

[cowsgomoo]

I am 31 year old woman. I am over weight but I do work out and have lost a lot of weight recently. But I am still overweight by most guys standards, I guess. I have met several men who have just flat out told me I am too fat for them to date me. I am a sweet lady, kind, caring, thoughtful, love sports and think I would make a good wife or girlfriend. yet men as soon as they find out I am overweight run far ,far away from me.
i just dont know why men are so preoccupied with looks. but i am no means an ugly lady. i am beautiful ,dang it! its just that I dont understand men who tell me looks are not inportant to them then they tell me I am too fat!

I don't see a problem with men having standards they apply to women, after all, as men we're regularly confronted with lists a mile long from women of the kinds of standards they expect from a potential suitor

the appearance of physical health is a huge factor in attractiveness... it's not men 'being sexist' or whatever, it's just that we're programmed to find healthy-looking members of the opposite sex attractive... and being overweight is not attractive... not because we want to hurt anyones feelings, but that's just evolution... we're programmed to seek out the most likely recipient of our genes that'll produce healthy offspring that'll survive until adulthood... and if you're visibly unhealthy (eg obese), that's a turn-off for that reason... sorry

having said that, there's no excuse for a man being discourteous to you... I would never in a million years tell a woman I don't like her because 'you're too fat'... men should use their manners and if they're not interested for whatever reason they should still be a gentleman about it

 

[SteveC]

No, seriously dude, the "don't look for love" or whatever doesn't work. Guess what happens? You don't find anything. Just like you didn't date well for 10 years, I've had similar experiences (obviously I'm younger, though). Not doing anything doesn't help.

I didn't "quit looking" 10 years ago. It was 10 years of frustration and bad dates. I "quit looking" only a few months befroe we met. Seriously dude, obviously it did work - for me. Happily married and a beautiful daughter. Your results may vary.

 

[invader3k]

I didn't "quit looking" 10 years ago. It was 10 years of frustration and bad dates. I "quit looking" only a few months befroe we met. Seriously dude, obviously it did work - for me. Happily married and a beautiful daughter. Your results may vary.

I can attest to that working, as well. In my case, I dated a few different girls in college, but always pretty briefly, and I never had a serious relationship. At the start of my senior year I went out with a girl I thought things would work out with...she was attractive, had a great personality, and it seemed like we were clicking. However, after a couple dates, she told me she didn't think it would work out. Basically it was a "It's not you, it's me" type of thing, which I would normally say is B.S., but in this case she was being honest (there's a lot more to the story that I won't get into because it's too personal).

Anyway, after that, I was pretty mad/depressed. I basically decided I wasn't going to bother trying to date anyone, and just try to enjoy my final year in college. The next semester I started going out with the woman who became my wife, basically just by starting to hang out and getting to know each other. No pressure.

So yes, sometimes the whole "Quit trying to find someone, they'll find you" thing does indeed work.

 

[JanusZarate]

I am 31 year old woman. I am over weight but I do work out and have lost a lot of weight recently. But I am still overweight by most guys standards, I guess. I have met several men who have just flat out told me I am too fat for them to date me. I am a sweet lady, kind, caring, thoughtful, love sports and think I would make a good wife or girlfriend. yet men as soon as they find out I am overweight run far ,far away from me.
i just dont know why men are so preoccupied with looks. but i am no means an ugly lady. i am beautiful ,dang it! its just that I dont understand men who tell me looks are not inportant to them then they tell me I am too fat!

I'm all for the larger girl! I'm not too picky when it comes to women, but I'm usually pretty firm on NOT dating a slim woman (I've made exceptions, but it's a "case-by-case basis" sort of thing). I've got upper limits too, but from the sound of it, you're not in that range.

The qualities that mean the most to me in a woman are:

A) Confidence
B) Intelligence
C) Fun-Loving, Outgoing Nature
D) Similar Interests / Beliefs

There might be others too, but I can't think of them at the moment

Physical beauty, admittedly, is also important to me (as it is to most guys), but I don't adhere to Hollywood's standards for weight and figure. I'd much rather have a gorgeous 250 lb. hourglass-shaped woman than a 120 lb. plastic skeleton!

I'm sure you'll find someone who loves you as you are. One of the problems is that society pressures guys who like larger women into suppressing their desires. Meanwhile, it convinces the rest to not like them at all!

I'll never understand how we went from Marilyn Monroe to Paris Hilton :scowl:

 

[Dave Grossman]

I am 31 year old woman. I am over weight but I do work out and have lost a lot of weight recently. But I am still overweight by most guys standards, I guess. I have met several men who have just flat out told me I am too fat for them to date me. I am a sweet lady, kind, caring, thoughtful, love sports and think I would make a good wife or girlfriend. yet men as soon as they find out I am overweight run far ,far away from me.
i just dont know why men are so preoccupied with looks. but i am no means an ugly lady. i am beautiful ,dang it! its just that I dont understand men who tell me looks are not inportant to them then they tell me I am too fat!

I met this girl at a bus stop many years ago. She had a really pretty face but was significantly overweight. Not that I was thin but she was still larger than me.

The more I got to know her, the more I realized that the weight not only didn't matter but I found her attractive exactly the way she was.

We ended up having a short but serious relationship which ended because of her psychotic ex-bf. Long story there.

I was never all that attracted to skinny girls. Now, I find that I prefer a woman to have something extra.

Soooooo, got any pictures? (j/k)



- Dave

 

[WillPlay4Food]

So yes, sometimes the whole "Quit trying to find someone, they'll find you" thing does indeed work.

This worked for me as well (in college no less). Started hanging out with this girl and we'd study together. She'd give me rides to school. Sometimes we'd cut class together go out and shoot some pool or whatever. After a few months of hanging out, I knew I wanted more and she did as well. we've been together now for about 14 years and have an almost 2 year old son.

Becoming friends first is what eventually led us to the realization we were 'the one' for each other.

 

[kserg]

I met this girl at a bus stop many years ago. She had a really pretty face but was significantly overweight. Not that I was thin but she was still larger than me.

The more I got to know her, the more I realized that the weight not only didn't matter but I found her attractive exactly the way she was.

We ended up having a short but serious relationship which ended because of her psychotic ex-bf. Long story there.

I was never all that attracted to skinny girls. Now, I find that I prefer a woman to have something extra.

Soooooo, got any pictures? (j/k)



- Dave

For last time... I am not a girl!

I mean... what?

 

[markjazzbassist]

Many (most?) guys are shallow when it comes to picking women for a relationship. Sit tight - the right guy will come along.

+1

i know i am.

 

[kserg]

+1

i know i am.

You know you are shallow or you are waiting for a right man to come along?

 

[Jeff Martinez]

I really don't understand either why other men love skinny girls so much. Id pick a big woman over some scrawny chic anyday of the year....

+1


Nothing against skinny girls, I just find curvy women WAY more attractive.

 

[Jereth]

Odd, I find that most men, the small circle of my closest friends, ans seemingly most of the men here prefer a girl with a little bit of meat on them. As far as physical looks go, I couldn't have a dream one because for me, it depends on how everything comes together.
I did have my biggest crush ever on a girl who had these characteristics though. It wasn't her appearance that did it.

I've noticed a pattern in all the girls I've liked. They've been of every shape, size and whatever else, but they all have one thing in common, personality. The type of personality I go for is always kind, patient, caring and intelligent. The previously mentioned girl ticked all my physical characteristic boxes, very cute face, a good bit shorter than me(I'm 6''1), a bit of meat on the waist and butt, dark hair, but had said personality.

A girl at work who I get on with fantastically(she's in her twenties, I'm 17, I have no delusions, don't worry)captures my interest now. She's only a tiny bit shorter than me, very bright dyed red hair, face is cute but very different, and has a healthy amount of meat. Yet they have very simiar personalities.

I acknowledged long ago that I'm very, very ugly by traditional standards. I simply stopped caring what people thought of me around that time and I've never gotten on so well with people. Girls that are considered to be very hot and girls who are considered to be very not all get along nicely with me and I can tell you that the cheerleader types are jut as intelligent, kind and caring but are too superficial for their own good.

But those girls who think they are too cool for school(just as many ugly ones think that as the lookers), I know I'm better than them. Why? Because anyone who tries to be cool deserves a kick in the head anyway, and girls will try to make you feel like you aren't good enough for them when it's the other way around.

 

[Dave Grossman]

and being overweight is not attractive...

Invalid Link Removed
would beg to differ.

There are many women who are attractive and overweight. Granted, proportions does have something to do with it just as with anyone. I find skinny women unattractive. That's just my opinion.

I'd prefer not to see any ribs unless they have BBQ sauce on them. Mmmmmm ... BBQ'd ribs. ~~~~~~~

- Dave

 

[Geoff St. Germaine]

From reading a lot of this thread it seems that to some people there exist only anorexic and fat women. I assure you, there is a middle ground of fit, healthy women with the correct bodyweight.

 

[Poop-Loops]

From reading a lot of this thread it seems that to some people there exist only anorexic and fat women. I assure you, there is a middle ground of fit, healthy women with the correct bodyweight.

Jesus Christ, I know! What is it with you people? There are more than 2 options, you know. Get your head out of American politics.

I see plenty of girls on campus that are not over weight nor are they scrawny. They are normal.

But, I would not equate neither skinny nor fat with unhealthy.

For example, when I still trained BJJ, there was this 280lb cop there, really advanced student. 280lbs, no neck, a layer of fat, and he did better cartwheels than a 7 year old girl. When on the ground with people, he would JUMP over them to get to the other side. Oh, and he trained like a Strong Man, i.e. 800lb tire in his backyard that he would flip. This man was definately in good shape, he just had an extra layer of fat. So just because someone is fat or skinny (up to a point, obviously) doesn't mean they are unhealthy. But it also doesn't mean I have to be attracted to them, either.

 

[Dave Grossman]

From reading a lot of this thread it seems that to some people there exist only anorexic and fat women. I assure you, there is a middle ground of fit, healthy women with the correct bodyweight.

Er, I think you're mis-interpreting the posts here. Nobody is talking about normal/medium-weight women here because weight is not as big of an issue for them. What we're talking about here are the more extreme weight deviations. This is where it becomes more subjective.

- Dave

 

[fatfinger]

Lowner
I am a thin man with fat fingers.
Many people have commented on my large paws.
The other day a cashire was flirting with me at the coffee shop . When she handed me my change she said "Holy crap ! You have big fat sausage fingers" Imagine how I felt .
Why has God cursed me with these huge hands ?
anyway.....I like chubby chicks...and thats a fact.

 

[Poop-Loops]

Er, I think you're mis-interpreting the posts here. Nobody is talking about normal/medium-weight women here because weight is not as big of an issue for them. What we're talking about here are the more extreme weight deviations. This is where it becomes more subjective.

- Dave

No. She was complaining that men don't like fat women. So men stepped in and said they don't like scrawny women, implying that you either have a fat woman or a scrawny one.