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Dating..whats up with men?

#61
JcHc said:
Loose weight....
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As insensitive as that sounds, it's probaly the best remedy--even with the poor spelling. Do anything and everything you can to break through. If you're not a total tub and are indeed basically good looking it sounds like you don't have that far to go. It sucks that other people get a free pass and don't even have to think about weight issues but for persons like myself and you, we just have to face our battles. try meds, try Jenny Craig, try Overeaters Anonymous, whatever. You may not be able to sustain perfect weight in the end but you're ego will be uplifted by your ability to compete as a hottie at least for some time in your life.
 
#62
Munjibunga said:
Human beings are mammals. Mammals (and all other animals) have instincts. One of the strongest insticts is procreation. Nature favors animals with the traits most likely to perpetuate the species. In humans, these traits include, among other things, physical strength and resistance to disease (leading to longer lifespans). Absent modern sociological influences, the most important attractor of men to women is physical appearance, i.e., a natural tendency to select a mate who has desireable traits for improving the species' longevity. Obesity is not attractive from this standpoint. When we were primitive, the positive traits of caring, sharing and intellect were less important than they are now.

What this means is that, if I, as a male, am in the market for a mate, the first thing that will attract me to a female is appearance. Not just facial beauty, but the overall fitness of the female. That's what initiates the relationship. It's a bonus if the female is intelligent, witty, caring, and not psycho.

Bottom line, it is indeed a cultural prejudice, but I, for one, am not going to apologize for it. The preference for one who is physically attractive (for either sex) is completely natural. The social pressure to suppress these instinctive feelings is no more valid than the tendency for society to treat attractive people better, which it clearly does.

You say you are beautiful. Great! It reminds me of a hat I saw a guy wearing one time. It said, "I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet." You are on the fortunate side of that equation (however politically incorrect it may be).
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+1

However, I've read other posts by the OP and can't help but wonder if weight isn't just a convenient straw man. I have observed in many of the OP's posts a tendency to look outside of herself for both problems and solututions. Frankly, many of her posts portray her as a complainer who sees herself as a victim; a mindset that I find far more repugnant than being overweight. I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings, but this just seems too obvious not to mention.
 
#63
:cool: Many comments have been made here about some guys being shallow jerks, and they're correct. Some comments have also been made about some women being shallow jerks, also correct. But, these comments don't help a lot with your problem.

There have been some comments about how you feel about yourself. Now, that's something that can help. Yes, some guys like the skinny women. Some like the really big ones. But a number of us, especially those of us who've been around a little while, look more to the way a woman carries herself, her attitude about herself, the way she dresses, you get the idea. These factors go a long way to the attractiveness of a woman. These can also work, of course, for men. If you're as good looking as you say, then maybe you should take a look at your own "self-image".

Having been married twice in my life, being 62 years old, and having known a lot of women (don't read into that) throughout my life, the last thing I would want in a new relationship would be to deal with someone who's not very well adjusted. OK face, pleasingly plump, good mental adjustment, no deep hang-ups would be a "dream" girl to me. If she had a really pretty face, Wowsa!

If you've got it together, don't worry about it, Mr Right will show up. Don't lower yourself to the level of the jerks who pass through your life. Keep yourself up and you'll get a "good'n" before it's over.

Good Luck.
 
#66
This may sound somewhat insensitive, But, when dating someone... I've simply GOT to WANT to see them nekkid. If a person looks like there's absolutely NO WAY, they could look hot nekkid... then, there's simply no way...

Don't blame those who don't want to see ya nekkid.... It's not thier fault!
 
#70
Lowner said:
I am 31 year old woman. I am over weight but I do work out and have lost a lot of weight recently. But I am still overweight by most guys standards, I guess. I have met several men who have just flat out told me I am too fat for them to date me. I am a sweet lady, kind, caring, thoughtful, love sports and think I would make a good wife or girlfriend. yet men as soon as they find out I am overweight run far ,far away from me.
i just dont know why men are so preoccupied with looks. but i am no means an ugly lady. i am beautiful ,dang it! its just that I dont understand men who tell me looks are not inportant to them then they tell me I am too fat!
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I know what you mean. People these days are absolutely rotten.....I won't really disclose alot of my feelings about them as they are sure to offend, but I must say right now I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Finally in love (for the first time ever) with the right girl that never really heard she was beautiful till i was around, and it hasn't been a road to look back on since. Everything we have is common, we both dig eachother's turnons, and hell, we look good in a picture for christ's sake
 
#71
McHack said:
This may sound somewhat insensitive, But, when dating someone... I've simply GOT to WANT to see them nekkid. If a person looks like there's absolutely NO WAY, they could look hot nekkid... then, there's simply no way...
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Everyone looks the same when it's dark.
 
#76
Lowner said:
I am 31 year old woman. I am over weight but I do work out and have lost a lot of weight recently. But I am still overweight by most guys standards, I guess. I have met several men who have just flat out told me I am too fat for them to date me. I am a sweet lady, kind, caring, thoughtful, love sports and think I would make a good wife or girlfriend. yet men as soon as they find out I am overweight run far ,far away from me.
i just dont know why men are so preoccupied with looks. but i am no means an ugly lady. i am beautiful ,dang it! its just that I dont understand men who tell me looks are not inportant to them then they tell me I am too fat!
Click to expand...

When Camryn Manheim accepted her (I think) Emmy for her part in The Practice, she looked BEAUTIFUL!!! She's a pretty big girl, but she wore a lovely dress that totally flattered her, and she just OOZED confidence! Next to all the super-skinny, starved-greyhound actresses, I thought she was one of the prettiest ladies there.

Ooze confidence. Its the sexiest thing a big girl can do. This way, you attract men who want a woman who is confident and happy with herself. :)

Cherie
 
#77
Not to be mean, but it sounds like the guys are saying exactly what you expect them to say--which means the feelings are coming from YOU. I have lots of friends who are overweight--one is 5'4" and 200lbs and she just married the love of her life-- a very sweet and handsome man. But she doesn't focus on her weight, and she doesn't give off that "am I fat?" vibe.

What do you like about yourself? And also, what kind of guys are you going after?

Your weight is not the issue with guys. It may the issue with you liking you. I'm sure there is much to love about you. When you can love you, then others will too.
 

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