Dating..whats up with men?

[paulraphael]

Let me give you a small example... a girl who is chubby, and has gotten teased all her life about it, is very likely to crave love and thus be extremely loving, caring, and sweet to whomever your boyfriend/fiancee/husband may be.

my god, you sound just like thomas haden church's character in "Sideways" ... when he flirts with the fat waitress (right after his botched previous affair that ended in a broken nose). he turns to his friend and says something like, "come on, didn't you ever get it on with someone like her? you, know, the grateful type?"

 

[AuG]

Some like 'em fat, some like 'em tall.
Some like 'em short, skinny legs and all.

Gimme some Popcorn.

-James Brown

 

[Munjibunga]

I've always wondered about this...you see lots of guys going ga-ga over exceedingly skinny women too, but these women are unhealthy and underweight, and unfit for birthing multiple children. It makes me wonder.

Nah ... I don't like the skinny ones, either.

 

[Oxblood]

my god, you sound just like thomas haden church's character in "Sideways" ... when he flirts with the fat waitress (right after his botched previous affair that ended in a broken nose). he turns to his friend and says something like, "come on, didn't you ever get it on with someone like her? you, know, the grateful type?"

I have no idea what you are talking, nor do I really care.

 

[Diggler]

The guys that say that aren't necessarily jerks, they just know what they are looking for in a mate, just like you are. Is a guy a jerk if he prefers blondes to brunettes, or vice-versa? I'm sure there are some physical characteristics that turn you off as well.

People have no obligation to date other people, and they can turn them down for whatever reason they wish. If it's a valid reason to them, then it's a valid reason. They want to find the best match for themselves, and aren't responsible for making you or anyone else happy.

At least they let you know up front rather than getting some and dumping you without any warning.

 

[cheezewiz]

Well, without trying to sound TOO crass, there are varities of overweight. Now a girl that is 160- 170lbs or so can still be attractive. Once a girl gets near or over that 200lb mark, well, sorry to say, I just can't find her physically attractive. This is hardly sexist. I'd assume most women aren't interested in 260 lb guys.

 

[Munjibunga]

The guys that say that aren't necessarily jerks, they just know what they are looking for in a mate, just like you are. Is a guy a jerk if he prefers blondes to brunettes, or vice-versa? I'm sure there are some physical characteristics that turn you off as well.

People have no obligation to date other people, and they can turn them down for whatever reason they wish. If it's a valid reason to them, then it's a valid reason. They want to find the best match for themselves, and aren't responsible for making you or anyone else happy.

At least they let you know up front rather than getting some and dumping you without any warning.

How deliciously un-PC. You are to be congratulated.

 

[lamborghini98]

I think that there'a a lot of truth to cliche that beauty comes from inside. When people feel good about themselves and feel beautiful, they put that out to others. I know lots of overweight women in great relationships, men too - it really has got nothing to do with the looks, IMO. I would guess that while you infer that you're comfortable with your weight, you're really not. If you were, me thinks it wouldn't be an issue. I'd suggest either learning to be really comfortable as a plump girl, or learning how to lose the extra weight.

Sorry if this seems insensitive. It's my honest thoughts.

I dont agree here. While I think that being comfortable in your own skin is the only way for anyone to appear confident enough to really make it out there, I think it could still be an issue for some people. I dont think you should question whether or not youre comfortable with yourself... that only leads to questioning yourself.

 

[invader3k]

Let's be honest...she's probably the size of a house. Find some guy with a similar body type and quit whining.

 

[Blackbird]

 

[dlloyd]

Are you trolling for compliments or looking for advice/discussion?

 

[excane]

So this thread reopens to the light of day after 5 months.

Larger women can most definitely be more desireable than a bag-of-bones supermodel. More cushion for the pushin.

C'mon guys admit it.....

We've all gotten drunk and went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2

 

[Poop-Loops]

Like it or not, physical beauty is a factor in human relationships. If someone isn't attracted, they aren't attracted. It's less of a factor as the relationship progresses and a foundation is built, but it's very important in the early stages. I don't think you can demonize men for being honest with you.

Exactly. The first thing you notice about a person is how they look, not how they are on the inside. Sorry, but that's just how life is. That doesn't mean you won't find someone who is attracted to you, but don't be angry when guys don't want to date you because they aren't attracted to you. It's just how it works, I'm afraid.

Larger women can most definitely be more desireable than a bag-of-bones supermodel. More cushion for the pushin.

C'mon guys admit it.....

Wait, so now it's either/or? What ever happened to a good middle?

 

[Bayou_Brawler]

Just know that some guys being so dumb about this only makes it easier for you to filter them out. You don't want to spend time with those guys anyway.

why are those guys dumb for being honest???

some guys don't like bigger girls some guys do. some guys don't like thin girls some guys do. some guys like short, tall, athletic, etc.... there is nothing wrong with that. and it's not shallow.. it's how we are made.

as long as you are respectful to everyone there is nothing wrong with being honest and telling a girl you are not attracted to her.

i am more attracted to thin girls but that doesn't mean anything else than that.

Not trying to nitpick but I think it can. Someone who was rather average looking might be nicer to try and make up for what they lack in the looks dept. Some one who is considered by most people to be very attractive might be a real bitch cause they know they can get away with it

not saying this is the case with everyone, or even most peopl

but its a possibility.

ummm yeah but some "attractive" people may be happy with themselves and nice to everyone...and some people who feel "unatractive" may therefore feel upset and lash out at other people...

the outside usually doesn't have much to do with the inside...book by it's cover....

well, just remember, people are people...high school seems to last until age 65, the jocks get the cheerleaders and everyone else has to settle for people with actual substance and a brain

dude that was a very "highschool thing to say" are you saying all athletic people and cheerleader girls are dumb and shallow??? why don't we start making racist slurs while your at it...

ok i'm done

 

[jasonbraatz]

What you may not realize is that there are lots of sweet, loving and caring women who are stick thin. Personality has NOTHING to do with size. Some guys like little women, some like big girls. Neat how nature makes sure there's some of each, huh?

Exactly. The best part is that there are enough people out there that if you try hard enough and are a good person there's no reason you can't find someone who fits exactly what you're looking for! Skinny, tall, short, bigger, evil, bodybuilder, dominatrix, bassist, gymnast , race car driver...whatever!

Lots of good advice in this thread though...

 

[Ericman197]

I think people need to separate 'shallow' from actual shallowness. Society tends to define 'shallow' as being heavily influenced by a person's appearance. On the other hand, those who are labeled as not being shallow are open to all types of appearances. I believe that in most cases, the 'shallow' people are simply those with standards, and those who are not 'shallow' are indiscriminate. I define a shallow person as someone whose attractions are based on arbitrary standards that have nothing to do with a person, for example: judging a person's current economic status without taking into consideration his future earning potential**

It is biologically normal to be attracted to certain types of features, depending on genetics and cultural upbringing. With the exception of fetishists*, very few people find morbid obesity to be attractive. Rather, much like a normal distribution, the majority of men find a particular body type most pleasing (slightly thin). Smaller and smaller minorities of men are attracted to the extremes: increasingly over/underweight women. It can therefore be stated that the heavier a woman is, the fewer men will be physically attracted to her.

I view attraction on a points scale: being a certain number of pounds over/under the 'ideal' of a given man will assign negative points. Unless the woman is extremely overweight, these points can be recovered by other redeeming features. However, this can be problematic: people cannot be expected to spend weeks/months/years with another person to see the inner beauty. Thus, it is necessary to make quick judgments: 'she's hot,' 'she's a bitch,' etc.

I am also against the stereotyping of attractive people as 'shallow.' Appearance has little to do with one's personality. In my experience, overweight people are no more or less interesting or funny than average weight people, which further justifies the 'shallow perspective.' After all, why pursue someone who is less physically attractive when there is no reason to suspect that he or she is any more of an 'ideal mate' than anyone else? It is therefore logical to follow human instinct and base the initial selection of mates on appearance/health


*I am by no means attacking fetishists: it is normal for a small proportion of them to exist in any population. I use them as an example because their interests deviate significantly from the mean (if an average man finds a 140lb. woman to be attractive, then I might define a fetishist might be defined as someone who finds a <80lb or >400lb woman to be attractive, etc.)

**That was a rather random example. I find it difficult to think of situations in which someone is actually being shallow because I am of the belief that a decent argument could be made that shallowness does not exist.

 

[Oxblood]

What ever happened to some good ole' fashion pancake butt!

 

[VanillaO]

I've also known very overweight people who for whatever reason don't fall into any of the patterns. They just don't show up as a fat person in terms of their personality or their social interactions. The result is that they don't get treated like one. Not sure what their secret is, but it's interesting to notice.

As is my experience (being the overweight one), great sense of humour (my whole circle of friends I hang out with is fun to be with.. we make each other laugh constantly evne when we're bored to death) combined with my close friend that we'll call 'alcohol'.

Most 'hot skinny' whatever girls won't give me the time of day at a party or a bar or club or anything, and I've come to understand that, and don't even bother. The girl who is interested in me will meet me, talk to me, drink with me, and from there, hopefully leave with me.

To be 100% honest, my first girlfriend was 5'9 (just a wee bit taller than me), probably 115 lbs, nice breasts, nice butt and in very good shape. Why pick me? Because I'm awesome that's why. I'm also goign to go ahead and say that while I'm not physically attracted to obese people in any way, I don't mind getting to know anyone, ever. The supermodel may have a horrible coke habit that she can't kick, while the girl who is maybe 30-40 lbs overweight may treat me like God himself.

Be happy with who you are. If you want to change that, then work hard. It's all relative to whatever situation yoiu're in. Like me somehow scoring hard with a very attractive girl.. how did it happen? I still don't know. But I'm very pleased it did for the time it did. FWIW, I hope she dies now.

And to just go off on one more tangent...

You sound like you just need some cheering up. Any TBers in the area who can take you out for coffee or dinner or something and just get you in a positive mood? Cheer up, listen to some good music, go see a comedy with some friends. Positive thinking!

 

[Baryonyx]

I know I'm probably reiterating what has already been said, but if a guy was to say to girl that she was too fat for him to date her, he's probably just a shallow jackass anyway. There is something to be said for giving a person a chance, irrespective of your predjudices.

I mean, I know a few girls who you might call overweight who are as fine a woman as any I've seen (In fact, I've got the hots for one ). Perhaps it's a flaw in me, however, I could never find a woman who was obese attractive. Similarly, I am repulsed by skiiny girls. At the risk of sounding crude, I'll stick my neck out and say I love a woman with curves. Washboard abs and six packs are what I go to the gym for, not what my girlfriend should have!

The right guy will come along. Especially if you tell him you play bass!

 

[Bayou_Brawler]

Most 'hot skinny' whatever girls won't give me the time of day at a party or a bar or club or anything, and I've come to understand that, and don't even bother.

The supermodel may have a horrible coke habit that she can't kick, while the girl who is maybe 30-40 lbs overweight may treat me like God himself.

yeah most hotties don't give anyone the time of day at the bar or club scene...i don't think it's because of how you look...

HAHA!! what is with all this model, cheerleader, hot girl prejiduce???? everyone thinks they are evil, shallow, drug addicts....