Did I overreact?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by G On Bass, Feb 24, 2021.

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  1. FWIW, I do not politicize COVID one way or another. I go on our first-hand experiences with it which anyone with similar experiences would totally understand.

    Long story short:

    I have a family member living at home who is just starting to recover from a ~ 6 month post-viral episode that left them bed-ridden for ~3 months.
    Band (weekend warriors) wants to resume rehearsing and try new singer. I suggest outdoors for 1 rehearsal with new singer who has been waiting as we took a break from rehearsing around Thanksgiving.
    One member offers large backyard area. Weather scheduled to be beautiful
    One member slowly builds BS excuses, voicing them to one member only as to why that is 'not optimal'. Basically, he doesn't want to move his gear but won't say it, but instead insists we only rehearse indoors at the rehearsal studio he wants.
    One member posts pics of himself out with friends and other activities where no one is masked up.
    I refuse to risk my family's health on an indoor rehearsal and leave the band so they do not have to wait on me. No rage quitting, just 'not gonna do indoors yet. If everyone else is OK with it, then best of luck to you.'

    As a result, the band is now in a 3rd rebuild in a year if they even continue on, delaying everyone from getting to play.

    All because one member would not suck it up for one, sub-optimal session to keep the band going. Or is it all because I emphasize patience and prioritize safety over rehearsing for gigs that will not exist for some time. I put a year of my life and countless hours of practice into this band.

    Overreaction or right move?
    Mr_Moo, GregC, Aqualung60 and 28 others like this.
  2. charlie monroe

    charlie monroe Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 14, 2011
    Buffalo, NY
    It was the right move for you
    Mr_Moo, Aqualung60, turcmic and 13 others like this.
  3. ArtechnikA

    ArtechnikA I endorsed a check once... Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 24, 2013
    We all make choices.
    Choices have consequences.
    You've come here seeking validation (are you having second thoughts?).
    Your investment of time and effort into the project was your choice. If you are a better player now, cut your losses and move on.
    Mr_Moo and birminghambass like this.
  4. No second thoughts, I stand by my decision and am fine moving on. I always invest time into every project and I always try to improve whether I'm in a project or not. I guess I am just wondering if I could have done something differently.
    Mr_Moo, GregC, Aqualung60 and 5 others like this.
  5. Seanto


    Dec 29, 2005
    Right move. This is why many of us have just cancelled band plans for a bit. It's not only hard to rehearse and be safe, but gigs are not widely available and some that are can be sketchy too. This is a great time to work on being a solo artist or maybe a duo, but organizing a full band production is difficult if you are safety minded.
    Mr_Moo, GregC, Scotthayer and 6 others like this.
  6. kohanmike

    kohanmike Gold Supporting Member

    When the covid restrictions were eased a while ago here in Los Angeles, about 8 members of my 50 member seniors (key word) uke group decided to meet in the back yard of one member after all the months of meeting on Zoom. We all had to wear masks and keep distant. I worked out very well until the restrictions were tightened again. Then last week the restrictions were again eased, so we are meeting again, but despite most of us having had our 1st and some their 2nd vaccination, we're still wearing masks and keeping distance for now.

    I think you did the right thing.
    Mr_Moo, gebass6, red_rhino and 6 others like this.
  7. AceOfBassFace


    Jun 23, 2019
    WTH with guy who doesn't want to rehearse outside - he can't be bothered to move his gear to accomodate you? I don't get how people are so selfish sometimes.

    You did the right thing. Why risk a vulnerable family member's life for a fun jam with the boys. I got fired from a weekend warrior band a month ago because I wouldn't rehearse every week (with no gigs) during lockdown here in Toronto.
    Mr_Moo, GregC, Scotthayer and 8 others like this.
  8. Oddly


    Jan 17, 2014
    Dublin, Ireland.
    You did the right thing...and handled it very professionally.
    As said above, some people's selfishness and lack of respect is just baffling to me.
    Mr_Moo, GregC, bigmikebass and 4 others like this.
  9. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member

    I'd say you did the right thing. I certainly would NOT have gone to a rehearsal where you felt the risks were not acceptable. If the band can accept waiting or making a better arrangement, I would stay, but if they insist that it's THIS rehearsal or out, then you're absolutely in the right to bow out.

    MYLOWFREQ Supporting Member

    May 13, 2011
    I think the OP has valid reasons to request an outdoor rehearsal, and that would be my recommendation as well. We're so close to get vaccinated, and you don't want to catch/spread the virus at this point. I suggest you guys have a zoom meeting to discuss the issue. If everyone is grown up, I think you'll come up with a solution.
    Mr_Moo and LBS-bass like this.
  11. Gustopher

    Gustopher Supporting Member

    Jul 30, 2018
    Sounds like you made the right choice for you. Everyone has their own limit and comfort zone. You didn't belittle them or rage, you just stated your choice and moved on. Very well handled in my book.
    Mr_Moo, GregC, Shalto and 1 other person like this.
  12. I don't expect to be accommodated as that is no different than what he expects for himself. I was just trying to figure a way to get everyone together.

    There had been multiple group emails where had laid out my position for the last couple of months. Unfortunately, the one member seemed to only respond to the band member who brought him in to the band in the first place. Though at least it tells me everything I need to know about him.

    Thanks everyone!
    Mr_Moo, GregC and TerribleTim68 like this.
  13. Family always matter more, unless the family is the band! :)

    We are all living through odd times, might as well play in 13/8. LOL

    Mr_Moo, ajkula66, 31HZ and 6 others like this.
  14. ClusterFlux


    Apr 11, 2018
    You did the right thing.

    It's the band member who is hanging out with people, without proper precautions, who wants you to ignore proper precautions, who is doing the wrong thing.

    I don't understand the gear complaint. You don't need a ton of gear to practice in someone's backyard. I mean, you're the bassist, right? You're not planning to bring an SVT fridge and make everyone else carry it, right...?
    Mr_Moo, GregC and dkelley like this.
  15. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    Same here. I'm always wary these days when I hear about people who are trying to keep their bands together through all this. Why? There aren't any shows. You can get back together when everyone feels safe, when venues open up, and rehearse then. I don't get the rush or the idea that after a year of inactivity everyone's just going to pick up where they left off.

    For me, I look to the future and there are a lot of ash piles in my past. Maybe one of them will rise up again and become something I'm interested in participating in. But I'll let that happen when it happens. I don't see any problem with the OP doing whatever is in his comfort zone WRT keeping himself and family safe.
    Mr_Moo, dkelley, GregC and 6 others like this.
  16. LBS-bass


    Nov 22, 2017
    I'm stealing this!
    red_rhino, zoonose, 31HZ and 6 others like this.
  17. The hang-out guy is a different guy than the sub-optimal guy. I have my travel gear and was planning to help set up the PA as well. It's not like he was the only one who had to work!
    Mr_Moo likes this.
  18. AceOfBassFace


    Jun 23, 2019
    Yes that's true - I misread your post - sounded like the rest of the band was down with rehearsing outside, so he wasn't accommodating ALL of you. I get it though - it goes both ways. However, if losing a key member of the band is more desirable than moving a guitar amp to rehearse outside then that kind of says it all right?
    Mr_Moo, GregC, 2playbass and 3 others like this.
  19. Indeed it does!
    red_rhino, dkelley and LBS-bass like this.
  20. It was absolutely the right move. It's actually illegal where I am to do what they are trying to do.
    Mr_Moo, GregC and BBQisgood like this.
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