Drama with the drummer

[chzz23]

Hi guys. I´ve got a band formed by a sax, guitar drummer and me. Our drummer is the source of some drama in the way of personal problems (work, personal life etc.) that he brings to the rehearsals, usually in a passive aggresive form (for example that one time he didn´t let me solo over a tune playing very loud).
Otherwise, when he is in a good mood he is a very competent drummer, (except for the fact that he sometimes plays a bit too loud).

Today he sent us a message telling that he can´t make it to the rehearsal because he isn´t in the mood for playing drums because we haven´t played in a long time and he doesn´t want to play without illusion, etc.

Although it´s true we haven´t played in a long time, I immediatly looked for a new drummer. New drummer agrees and wants to play with us. We schedule again the rehearsal and everything is fine.

Nex thing I know, the old drummer is texting with another band member and he told him that he wants to come to the rehearsal to tell us face to face what he "feels" (and probably, imo, play hard to get).

I just wanna do things right and maybe get along well with him. But I feel that the fault of all this mess is entirely mine.

Any advice? thanks to all!

 

[charlie monroe]

Thank the old drummer for the offer of the exit interview. I would take a pass.

Good luck with the new drummer.

 

[Slater]

...he wants to come to the rehearsal to tell us face to face what he "feels".

He didn’t want to come to rehearsal to play drums, so who cares what he “feels”. Tell him, “Good luck and good bye!”

 

[pwhalen]

Just tell him tonight is no longer good because you guys found someone to sit in so you can jam, since he backed out. Then offer to have the discussion some other time.

 

[sean_on_bass]

If you are fine with the new drummer, i don't see anything good that can come out of letting him come by to profess his feelings. Not for you, not for him. Just cut him lose with a phone call or text.

 

[Chango Malo]

My two pence:
Don't invite the old drummer to rehearsal. Tell him you'd all be willing to meet for coffee (no booze) if he'd like and that you'd appreciate any feedback he is willing to give his old band at that time. No need to be rude, but I'd recommend keeping it out of the rehearsal space and in public. Everyone will be on good behaviour and it's easy to walk away if needed.

 

[BassplayinBob]

Blows off rehearsal, but wants to come by to vent his feelings? You can talk about his feelings at starbucks, but the rehearsal space is for music, not Oprah.

Let me help you:

"Tonight is not good for me, let's get together in the next couple of weeks" Peace!

 

[portpc]

Is this a fun hobby-type band or is it more of an actual gigging outfit?.. If it's the latter than heck, a band is a business, would you tolerate employees who decided when they would/would not show up?..

 

[oldrocker]

...
Our drummer is the source of some drama in the way of personal problems (work, personal life etc.) that he brings to the rehearsals, usually in a passive aggresive form (for example that one time he didn´t let me solo over a tune playing very loud).
...
Today he sent us a message telling that he can´t make it to the rehearsal because he isn´t in the mood for playing drums because we haven´t played in a long time and he doesn´t want to play without illusion, etc.

Although it´s true we haven´t played in a long time, I immediatly looked for a new drummer.

...

Nex thing I know, the old drummer is texting with another band member and he told him that he wants to come to the rehearsal to tell us face to face what he "feels" (and probably, imo, play hard to get).

I just wanna do things right and maybe get along well with him. But I feel that the fault of all this mess is entirely mine.

Any advice? thanks to all!

Sounds like maybe a bit of bass player drama as well.

Besides who wants to play without illusoin???

 

[DWBass]

Sorry. He wrote his own ticket. I can't stand band members who hold the band hostage and think they can't be replaced. You don't feel like playing? Cool. We'll find someone who does.

 

[chzz23]

Is this a fun hobby-type band or is it more of an actual gigging outfit?.. If it's the latter than heck, a band is a business, would you tolerate employees who decided when they would/would not show up?..

fun-hobby type band. We are a group of friends (usually we go to drink one beer after rehearsal). But we want to play gigs aswell.

Sounds like maybe a bit of bass player drama as well.

Besides who wants to play without illusoin???

You got me there, damm. I´m the drummer who got fired because of drama. Jokes aside:

Edit: PD: the replacement is now a secret. I don´t know if or how i should tell him the news
Edit 2: Some backstory. We all met at the same place (jam session) around the same time. So, we all are the original members of the project.

 

[Fredrik E. Nilsen]

 

[rollie 55]

Hi guys. I´ve got a band formed by a sax, guitar drummer and me. Our drummer is the source of some drama in the way of personal problems (work, personal life etc.) that he brings to the rehearsals, usually in a passive aggresive form (for example that one time he didn´t let me solo over a tune playing very loud).
Otherwise, when he is in a good mood he is a very competent drummer, (except for the fact that he sometimes plays a bit too loud).

Today he sent us a message telling that he can´t make it to the rehearsal because he isn´t in the mood for playing drums because we haven´t played in a long time and he doesn´t want to play without illusion, etc.

Although it´s true we haven´t played in a long time, I immediatly looked for a new drummer. New drummer agrees and wants to play with us. We schedule again the rehearsal and everything is fine.

Nex thing I know, the old drummer is texting with another band member and he told him that he wants to come to the rehearsal to tell us face to face what he "feels" (and probably, imo, play hard to get).YOU ONLY NEED TO PUNCH THE IMFORMATION IN ONCE IN A DRUM MACHINE

I just wanna do things right and maybe get along well with him. But I feel that the fault of all this mess is entirely mine.

Any advice? thanks to all!

 

[redwingxix]

If he is asking permission to come to the rehearsal it sounds like he already considers himself out of the band. Why would a band member ask permission to come to a rehearsal of the band to which they already belong?

Hope the new drummer works out.

 

[Quinn Roberts]

Today he sent us a message telling that he can´t make it to the rehearsal because he isn´t in the mood for playing drums because we haven´t played in a long time and he doesn´t want to play without illusion, etc.

Lol, that's a new one for me!

Edit: PD: the replacement is now a secret. I don´t know if or how i should tell him the news
Edit 2: Some backstory. We all met at the same place (jam session) around the same time. So, we all are the original members of the project.

Just bust his balls, hiding the new drummer like some sort of mistress won't end well.

 

[gln1955]

Today he sent us a message telling that he can´t make it to the rehearsal because he isn´t in the mood for playing drums because we haven´t played in a long time and he doesn´t want to play without illusion, etc.

Illusion? Huh?

You mean the illusion that you have a competent drummer who isn't a douchenozzle?

 

[darwin-bass]

Sounds like you sort of replaced your drummer while he was still "your" drummer. That probably will cause bad feelings. But your drummer was unreliable. That can cause him to be replaced.

It isn't clean but I think the path forward is to finalize the replacement of your drummer. Ensure the new drummer is OK with being in the band. Tell the old drummer he has been replaced due to his lack of reliability (not due to poor playing).

 

[RichardW]

Your girlfriend breaks up with you. You find a new girlfriend. Then your old girlfriend calls you up and says she wants to come over when you're hanging with your new girlfriend so she can tell you her feelings.

Uh...yeah...that's going to end great.

 

[QweziRider]

Any advice? thanks to all!

Absolutely no reason for the old drummer to be there at all for anything. He's done.

 

[bass hed]

Based on what you have stated I would say he will/would've eventually quit either sooner or later, either way I would get rid of him. His attitude is poor and it reflects in his playing and the band's performance. Maybe something's going on in the band that made him feel that way, but if there was an issue, he should've put on his big boy pants and mentioned it already, instead of being passive/aggressive. He wasn't into the band situation but then he come around and say he made a mistake maybe, or that he is thinking about quitting? Based on previous experience I would say that once someone thinks about quitting it will happen. I have been down this road a long time ago. I refuse too anymore. It is a waste of everyone's time including his. I would text him and say that you would be willing to meet up for some coffee and talk and that the rehearsal place isn't it. I wouldn't mention the new drummer, unless he is officially in the band. When I met up with him, I would let him speak and base your conversation on what he says but if it is to be back into the band I would say "hey man, your heart isn't into it, and we are going in a different direction, no thanks".