• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Drummers Fiancé flipped out

#46
Fito Moreno said:
debating if I should call him to be the better person?
Click to expand...

If you think you'll feel better, then, sure. But don't count on him to stop being a jerk, over time. Honestly, I don't think you have a single thing to apologize for. *He* tried to start something with *you*. You didn't hand him his backside in a hat. I think you've done your part. Let him apologize to you, but don't let him try and get you to admit you did anything wrong. You didn't.

Cherie
 
#48
Fito Moreno said:
debating if I should call him to be the better person?
Click to expand...

Sure. Contrary to a lot of the posters here, I wouldn't go out of your way to burn bridges because of some tool. Besides, I've made friends with a lot of people who were initially pricks to me. Sometimes your worst enemies become your best friends.

Not saying that's what's gonna pan out or that you should even give this guy the honor of buying you a drink, but there's no harm in at least hearing the guy out. I'd imagine he feels pretty bad considering how everyone is going out of their way to contact you.
 
#49
Joel S. said:
Not saying that's what's gonna pan out or that you should even give this guy the honor of buying you a drink, but there's no harm in at least hearing the guy out. I'd imagine he feels pretty bad considering how everyone is going out of their way to contact you.
Click to expand...

I'd give the guy the honor of buying me a drink, but then again, Im a bit of an alky...
 
#50
gonzorob said:
People are morons. You cut your losses and moved on. Good on you.
Click to expand...


when I first read this I thought it said "People are mormons"...

yeah, people like to bring drama and other crap they are dealing with in their life, and put it on someone else. they don't understand why they do it, but they will. someone is pulling their strings.

and rolling a bit off the tone knob can be okay.
 
#51
Steve said:
Not for nuthin' guy but, I'm getting the feeling that you are enjoying the drama.

Good luck with all that.
Click to expand...

Not really, but I do work with the singer so I feel I need to maintain that relationship. I ended up leaving him and the drummer a voice mail. Basically sayings please put this behind us and move on. I also said, I acknowledge your apology but can not accept it.
 
#53
Fito Moreno said:
Basically sayings please put this behind us and move on. I also said, I acknowledge your apology but can not accept it.
Click to expand...

DAY-um. i like your style.

you realize, of course, this does not bode well. they just want things to not be awkward from here on out. but you won't let that happen (which is fine).

but the drummer is probably gonna have a long, hard look at what being with this guy has done to her music/social life. or she'll quit the band entirely. one of those two.
 
#54
Fito Moreno said:
Not really, but I do work with the singer so I feel I need to maintain that relationship. I ended up leaving him and the drummer a voice mail. Basically sayings please put this behind us and move on. I also said, I acknowledge your apology but can not accept it.
Click to expand...

I admire your restraint. I hope you move on, otherwise with all this drama, I can see you breaking out in punches. This is a toxic situation.
 
#56
Fito Moreno said:
So I've been playing with this local musician let's just call her KM. She's basically a solo artist and I know her from work. After some time I finally decided, heck I'll give it a shot on Bass. She lost her Bass and Guitar player some time last year. So it's Bass - Me, Drums - Gal and her on Guitar and VOX. We've had so far 3 gigs and I'm still learning the drummers style (don't we all do this?) So last night after the show the Drummers Fiancé comes up to me and starts giving me a mouth full of crap. How I was looking at his girl, how the way I held my bass was sexual (Prince) I play my bass kind of low (old punkster from the 70's) So I politely walking away. Now as I'm packing up my stuff the singer comes up to me and tells me that I should tone it down. TONE what down, the way I hold my bass, the way I communicate on stage with the drummer??? So now I have to hear how this guy has done allot for her and the band (hasn't done crap for me) As I'm leaving this cat is outside, still holding myself together I walk by him and he still wants to talk. I ignore him and put my stuff in the car. I stand there thinking and call him over. This guy is 30, tall Chicago north side cyclist yuppie cappuccino drinking dude. In my most non confrontational way I tell him the old me would have taken his head to the back of my Bass and I explain that I am not interested in his girl. The look of terror in his eyes was enough to tell me he was not looking for trouble so I left. Later on my way home the drummer called me apologizing for his actions. The singer who is a co-worker hasn't called or made any effort in fixing anything. Needles to say I quit the band last night. BTY - 40, Married 15 years and have 4 kids and would not wast or throw it away for anyone else.

So anyone else have the same problem?
Click to expand...

Haven't been in a similar situation since I'm only 15, but I like the way you handled it. non-violent resistance is always the best way to handle something like this IMO. Violence just leads to more violence, peace leads to peace. I always go bu the words of Hendrix- "when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
 
#57
Fito Moreno said:
All done, guy called me to get it off his chest. I listened told him I respect him for admitting to all that went on but I can not accept his apology. He understood and that was that. I did ask him to give the singer a call to set the record straight.
Click to expand...

Getting him to call the singer was a good move. I'd say you can all pretty much wash your collective hands of all this and get back the important stuff - playing music.
 
#60
This is a great thread because it illustrates a big problem for bands...people who are married to or dating band members often seem to think their opinion counts. But it doesn't, and if they open their mouth and bring negativity to the table, it can really destroy bands (see Ono, Yoko or Tap, Spinal).

So if any of you are with a yappy gal or guy who feels the need to interject themselves into band business, I strongly suggest you tell them to shut up before they say a word, and explain that nobody wants to hear from them. If they ask, that's one thing, but even then I wouldn't volunteer total honesty.

Fito, you did the right thing. Nobody had your back in this situation, and they most certainly won't have your back in other situations.
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back