Entitlement

[bkim]

So I'm walking into my local large corporate coffee establishment this morning and before I get to the door this old guy sticks his Styrofoam (obviously not from the local large corporate coffee establishment) cup out at me and tells me (not asks)

"See what you can do for me on the way out"

I just looked at him and said "sorry" and walked in

I'm not against helping people in need. I give a signifigant amount of cash each month to different charities and relief organizations, but this type of expected, entitlement begging really pisses me off.
As I got in my car, I saw a lady dump a bunch of change in his cup.
If people would stop giving, people would stop begging

 

[jomahu]

well, i can't, in good conscience, say no to someone if they're asking for something i have. what they do with my money or my resources (food, aid) is their choice.

but yeh, i've had people throw out food i've given them. and this dude yelled at me for driving a fancy car (which was actually my friend's Kia that i used to drive her to work when i was unemployed). and one time this fella told me he wanted my money to go buy this really potent beer, then called me a rich cambridge snob ( i don't live in cambridge), even after i gave him money.

mm. we're all part of the same ladder, just on different rungs, i guess.

 

[FrigginChris]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQ6qHYGjhUM

 

[Diggler]

Perhaps he wanted a urine sample.

 

[bkim]

this dude yelled at me for driving a fancy car (which was actually my friend's Kia that i used to drive her to work when i was unemployed). and one time this fella told me he wanted my money to go buy this really potent beer, then called me a rich cambridge snob ( i don't live in cambridge), even after i gave him money.

.

A kia is a fancy car in MA??

I give money to organizations that help down and out people, but never give cash to individuals. Plus this dude didn't even ask--he just let me know that he wanted money and he would be waiting for me when I come out.

And.... I need a couple of hundred dollars for a trip to Reno--pm me and I'll give you my paypal address.

 

[Sundogue]

The more you give, the more you get.

Don't confuse your intentions with those whom you give to.

We live in abundance of everything we could ever want or need (for everyone). As a society (heck, as humans) we are too competitive and the "I got mine, you get yours" mentality really does no one any good in the long run. Give, and it will be replaced by more of the same. Keep it to yourself, and you will lose it.

One can either add to the world, or subtract from it. By that, I don't mean resources or objects, but what we bring to this world that makes it a better place for having been here.

"What does it benefit a man to gain the whole world, yet lose his soul?"

 

[karrot-x]

So I'm walking into my local large corporate coffee establishment this morning and before I get to the door this old guy sticks his Styrofoam (obviously not from the local large corporate coffee establishment) cup out at me and tells me (not asks)

"See what you can do for me on the way out"

I just looked at him and said "sorry" and walked in

I'm not against helping people in need. I give a signifigant amount of cash each month to different charities and relief organizations, but this type of expected, entitlement begging really pisses me off.
As I got in my car, I saw a lady dump a bunch of change in his cup.
If people would stop giving, people would stop begging

I completely agree with you. I've swung around I95 just to give a guy on the side of the road a couple bucks. However, I would tell the starbucks guy to go **** himself.

 

[jomahu]

A kia is a fancy car in MA??

I give money to organizations that help down and out people, but never give cash to individuals. Plus this dude didn't even ask--he just let me know that he wanted money and he would be waiting for me when I come out.

And.... I need a couple of hundred dollars for a trip to Reno--pm me and I'll give you my paypal address.

sorry, i don't have paypal.

kia is definitely not a fancy car in MA. but seeing as how i don't have a car and can't afford one, a Kia could very well be a BMW in my eyes.

same ladder, different rungs.

edit: what i find really interesting is when someone is asking me for money and trying to get a date from me at the same time. used to bug me (especially when they bust out d*ke jokes), but now i feel sorry for them. i mean, of all the chicks in the world, I'M the best you can do? now THAT's sad.

 

[bkim]

The more you give, the more you get.

Don't confuse your intentions with those whom you give to.

We live in abundance of everything we could ever want or need (for everyone). As a society (heck, as humans) we are too competitive and the "I got mine, you get yours" mentality really does no one any good in the long run. Give, and it will be replaced by more of the same. Keep it to yourself, and you will lose it.

One can either add to the world, or subtract from it. By that, I don't mean resources or objects, but what we bring to this world that makes it a better place for having been here.

"What does it benefit a man to gain the whole world, yet lose his soul?"

I didn't refuse him because I needed the change. I refused him because it won't help him. In Sacramento there are lots of missions and organizations that will help a homeless person get clean and back up on their feet (rehab/job training/place to live, etc), but many people would rather beg instead. I won't help them live that lifestyle.

Just my opinion--It sounds like you have a big heart and act on it the way that makes sense to you.

 

[bkim]

what i find really interesting is when someone is asking me for money and trying to get a date from me at the same time.

While not a date, I have a friend who would say, "hey lets go get something to eat" we'd go eat and when the check comes he'd say, "Oh, I don't have any money" I learned my lesson after 1-2 times but Another friend of mine has spotted him probably $600-700 in a couple of years. He was a cool guy and his family was broke though

 

[Sundogue]

I didn't refuse him because I needed the change. I refused him because it won't help him. In Sacramento there are lots of missions and organizations that will help a homeless person get clean and back up on their feet (rehab/job training/place to live, etc), but many people would rather beg instead. I won't help them live that lifestyle.

Just my opinion--It sounds like you have a big heart and act on it the way that makes sense to you.

You are confusing the act of your giving with his act of receiving. Unless you know the person, you will never know how your giving (or lack of giving) has changed his life.

I never feel poorer for having given, but I always feel poorer for not giving. I have never given, where what I have given, has not been given back to me in some way.

If I give to someone and they choose to waste my gift, or not take it in the spirit with which it was given, that is their loss, not mine and it does not diminish my act of giving.

You really never know who it is, that is on the receiving end of your gifts. Be charitable, even when you seemingly have nothing to give.

Your belief that your giving is in some way enabling a lifestyle is misguided. They are the ones who choose to live their life that way. They have free will. Your gifts do not change how they live. Only they can do that.

 

[Bryan316]

I absolutely refuse to give money to beggars. Wayne State in downtown Detroit is ruthless. I will not support whatever habit they're wasting their money on, cuz it sure ain't food or clothing. And one year, a guy proved one bum around campus to actually be employed, and just panhandled for change cuz it brought him in extra money. Funny thing is, the fake bum was really, really charismatic and always got passersby to give him change. It took the kid about 2 months worth of flyers and shouting contests with the fraud before we didn't see him again.

 

[labgnat]

"holds hand out" Got any Change?

 

[Jeremy Crockett]

...

I never feel poorer for having given, but I always feel poorer for not giving. I have never given, where what I have given, has not been given back to me in some way.

If I give to someone and they choose to waste my gift, or not take it in the spirit with which it was given, that is their loss, not mine and it does not diminish my act of giving...

Giving should be a selfless act.

You are confusing the act of your giving with his act of receiving. Unless you know the person, you will never know how your giving (or lack of giving) has changed his life.

You contradict yourself.

Your belief that your giving is in some way enabling a lifestyle is misguided. They are the ones who choose to live their life that way. They have free will. Your gifts do not change how they live. Only they can do that.

If you are giving money to a drug addict you ARE directly contributing "enabling" as you say to their misery. You are correct in that it is their responsibility to make the necessary changes (stop using). I and others refuse to contribute to their slow demise.

 

[bkim]

You are confusing the act of your giving with his act of receiving. Unless you know the person, you will never know how your giving (or lack of giving) has changed his life.

I never feel poorer for having given, but I always feel poorer for not giving. I have never given, where what I have given, has not been given back to me in some way.

If I give to someone and they choose to waste my gift, or not take it in the spirit with which it was given, that is their loss, not mine and it does not diminish my act of giving.

You really never know who it is, that is on the receiving end of your gifts. Be charitable, even when you seemingly have nothing to give.

Your belief that your giving is in some way enabling a lifestyle is misguided. They are the ones who choose to live their life that way. They have free will. Your gifts do not change how they live. Only they can do that.

I used to be really cool with this kind of stuff. I didn't mind talking to the homeless, hearing their story, ect. I met a guy named Randy (this was 10 years ago, but I still remember his name) who had had a hard life--dealt bad cards. But he was in a rehab/work program at the union gospel mission. He had been clean for a few months and was in a work development program getting job skills etc. He seemed to really be getting his life together so I wanted to help give him a hand up. So I gave him $60. The director of the union gospel mission came to speak at my church a couple of weeks later. So I was talking to him and asked him if he knew Randy, he said, "he hasn't been in the program for a couple weeks. Some of the other guys in the program told me he got ahold of some money somehow and he is back on drugs."

I kept my mouth shut.

I don't blame myself because I did it in good conscience. I don't really blame him because he was an addict, but I will never give money to an individual again. Since, I've given food, and I financially support some missions that can really help people with their addictions and lifestyles. I don't feel it is responsible for me
to give out cash.

I don't think you can just say it's their choice to do with it as they want. Many of these people are addicts and mentally ill--they are not responsible. Would you give a book of matches to a 10 year old boy and then say its their business to do what they want with it. Many of these people are not as responsible as a 10 year old--thats why they are on the street begging.

 

[jomahu]

here in boston, it's horrifyingly easy to become homeless. heck, i was homeless for a couple months.

no doubt, we all work hard for the money we make, and it is definitely our choice as to what we do with it.
and yeh, if someone is treating me or acting as if i have an obligation to give them something, i'd get annoyed too.

but i tell ya, it's real hard for me to be cynical when it's february, -10 degrees outside and someone is standing in the cold in a blanket asking for money.

 

[bkim]

here in boston, it's horrifyingly easy to become homeless. heck, i was homeless for a couple months.

no doubt, we all work hard for the money we make, and it is definitely our choice as to what we do with it.
and yeh, if someone is treating me or acting as if i have an obligation to give them something, i'd get annoyed too.

but i tell ya, it's real hard for me to be cynical when it's february, -10 degrees outside and someone is standing in the cold in a blanket asking for money.

That may be a different situation--or maybe not. Are there missions or organizations that will help people if they are willing to be helped?

I think CA may be a lot different than most of the country because the weather is pretty good and there are lots of handouts. It's where I would come if I was homeless. I think in San Francisco they consider homelessness an occupation.

 

[jomahu]

That may be a different situation--or maybe not. Are there missions or organizations that will help people if they are willing to be helped?

yeh, there are. in the winter months, they're packed.
in colder weather, there's actually a van that will pick up folks and take 'em to shelters.
however, having spoken and worked with folks who have been in general shelters, some people actually prefer to sleep outside in the cold than go to one.
there is a very high incidence of sexual assault, both against men and women (but mostly women). and then there's theft, of course. which means that lots of people with mental issues go without their meds, since a lot of it gets pilfered in the programs.

 

[Deacon_Blues]

Here, beggars are very rare so when I go somewhere where there are more of them I feel very bad just passing by not giving them anything. I think like Phil Collins "it's just another day for me in paradise"... Worst place I've seen in this prospect was New Delhi, but the worst in western Europe was actually London (sorry for that, UK guys!) I don't say it's the worst, just the worst I have seen. Haven't been to France, Spain or Italy for example...

 

[Lazylion]

A close friend of mine is a Lutheran minister. She was pastor of a church in inner-city Detroit for a number of years, and is currently at a church in the Philly area. She once told me she NEVER gives money to street beggars. I bow to her superior experience on this, and I follow her example.