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Ex Girlfriend in Coma

#41
People just die. Sometimes it doesn't make sense.

From my own experience, you have to do what you can live with. If there's even a tiny urge to go, then go. If you don't, and she passes, you'll wish you had. If you were close to her family, and you still care about and stay in touch with them, then a visit or a floral arrangement is definitely appropriate.
 
#44
basstotheface said:
My very unstable rebellious ex girlfriend has been in a coma and on life support since Tuesday.

She decided, after 4 pills of an illegal substance, it was cool to steal a car and drive 85 down a street at 5 in the morning. She rammed a cement light pole, crushing the car in half and flipping it 7 times.

I called her Thursday and her mother answered and explained everything upon which I told her I knew she (the comatose girl) was under the influence.

Her mom says that things aren't looking too good and that even if she makes it she will be a shell of herself (and in JDC for a couple years).

Do I go visit?
Do I just send flowers?
Who is it alright to tell about this?
I shouldn't feel bad should I?
Was I in the right to tell her mom?

I just can't believe she has the possibility of dying. That doesn't happen. People don't just die. Right?
Click to expand...

a few years ago a close friend crashed his car - under a similar influence as your ex - and died in the accident. i remember that feeling. i'm sorry you've been confronted with it as well..

if you cared enough to post a thread asking for advice, you may want to visit. better yet, you'd be better off not regretting not visiting.
 
#46
Basstotheface,
It seems obvious you care about her. Go see her. Do what feels right, to you. People make mistakes.. sometimes very, very, very stupid ones. It's usually a cry for help when people do. Be there for her, because if she's not doing so well you will regret not saying goodbye and telling her what you feel. If she lives, she will remember you as a good friend who stuck by her side.

I'm really sorry you're going through that. It's hard to see anyone go through something like that, much more so when it's someone that you once loved or cared deeply for. I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better, but there isn't much to be said I don't think. You know what's right to do and what you want to do, so go do it.
I hope she pulls through and turns her life around.
Best of luck to you both, and as always, I am here if you need to vent. :) Try to smile.

If it's any consolation, there is someone close to me who is not doing so well and because of some extreme circumstances, I can not visit her. (My grandma) It kills me to not be able to see her. Take the chance you have and make sure you've said what you need to say, in preparation for the worst.
 
#48
When I was just out of school, a good friend of mine developed bone marrow cancer. He always tended to downplay the seriousness of the situation when I talked to him, so when a mutual friend called me during a week that I was very busy at work to let me know that my friend's cancer had metastasized, I thought that I had time to get there to see him the following week. I was wrong; he died a few days later. To this day, 17 years later, I still regret that I missed that last opportunity to visit him.

Go visit her.
 
#49
Sorry to hear about this situation fella, such a sad circumstance.
I think you have to do what feels right in yourself, and keep in mind how affecting this will be for you. What I'm trying to say is, in any other circumstance I would not think twice of visiting, but due to the fact that your friend is in a coma she may never recover from, it may well be your final frame of reference in terms of memory of her. Just saying, it's for you to decide but however you choose, be prepared and take it easy, I hope your friend recovers from this.
 
#50
Go visit her, as it may be the last time you will see her on this earth. There is never anything wrong with visiting someone you had a relationship with if you feel you should, even if she was crazy and rebellious.

Just don't let yourself fall into the "boyfriend" mode as you do it. You are ex's. It is often hard in these situations to mentally stay that way. Caring for a friend is good, to mentally backtrack due to the trauma is bad.

I noted you said if she ever recovered she'd be in the JDC, from which I take you mean the Juvenile Detention Center. Well, hopefully your story here is a lesson. Kids today have no fear of authority (blame that on parents who worry more about being their kids friends instead of being the parent) and thanks to some other influences (video games and YouTube) kids seem to think its okay at every turn to just put anything and everything in their mouths and body.

No matter what anyone else here thinks, I believe that drugs, including maryjane, are inherently bad. Alcohol also, but I've learned in my life how to NOT abuse the stuff. All those things your parents say to avoid, by and large, they are correct.

Kids will be kids, but its time the young'uns here really paid attention. Drugs are a quick and direct way to death. Drinking to excess is a quick way to poverty and accelerant to death. Smoking cigarettes is a highway to hell.

I have these types of conversations every day with my step kids. They don't want to believe me, but every once in a while they get too smart for their own good, get in trouble and have to eat crow. Hopefully they will get the big things and I won't have to be visiting them in the hospital like the OP will be.

Someone actually tried to tell me how cool it was that Hendrix, Joplin, Robert Johnson, Jim Morrison and Kurt Kobain all dying at 27 was cool. I had to remind them it was just pathetic. Same with Winehouse.
 

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