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Ex Girlfriend in Coma

#22
Munjibunga said:
People just die. Sometimes life seems robust, sometimes fragile. In this case, the fact that she is alive attests to the robustness of life, but her prognosis attests to the fragility. Don't burden yourself over her circumstances, but help if you can.
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Yes, exactly.

Go make the family feel better, if she pulls through let her know you're there and you care, but that you are PISSED OFF that she would do this to herself.

As for "People don't just die. Right?"

Yes. Yes they do. At the most inopportune, unimaginable, awful times. Let those around you know you care, every day. You never know when you're last "good bye" may indeed be your LAST GOOD BYE. Make 'em count.

(I lost a friend to a heart attack when he was just 39. He was a doctor, took care to eat right, exercised daily, etc. He was out for a jog one morning, which he did every day of his life, he had a heart attack, and died on the side of the road, alone. :( )
 
#24
Go and be supportive. I get the impression that you must care or you would not be asking for advice. It's a terrible situation, but the family could really use the support at this time.

And yes, unfortunately people can die in these circumstances. How we react is important.
 
#25
nutdog said:
Having been the person at the hospital and the person visiting the hospital, I would say go. I've never regretted going. I've regretted not going.
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Another +1. Shouldn't be much down side to making the visit, if you can go and be supportive. But there's plenty of room for regret if you don't go - especially since you were concerned enough to bring it up here. So in some ways it's for your benefit, as well as (maybe more than) hers.
 
#26
You are making good karma for yourself. It is kind of you to be concerned, and since you are, you should go see her and be supportive of her parents. There is no downside to doing so.

In life, you will find you regret the things you DIDN'T do a lot more than the things you did.
 
#27
basstotheface said:
My very unstable rebellious ex girlfriend has been in a coma and on life support since Tuesday.

She decided, after 4 pills of an illegal substance, it was cool to steal a car and drive 85 down a street at 5 in the morning. She rammed a cement light pole, crushing the car in half and flipping it 7 times.

I called her Thursday and her mother answered and explained everything upon which I told her I knew she (the comatose girl) was under the influence.

Her mom says that things aren't looking too good and that even if she makes it she will be a shell of herself (and in JDC for a couple years).

Do I go visit?
Do I just send flowers?
Who is it alright to tell about this?
I shouldn't feel bad should I?
Was I in the right to tell her mom?

I just can't believe she has the possibility of dying. That doesn't happen. People don't just die. Right?
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That's the ****** thing about life, they do.

In 2010, over the course of about 8 months, I lost two very close friends I'd known in HS and another somewhat friend/acquaintance, who was a the sister of one of my very good friends. One drown Kayaking down a river he'd been Kayaking down many times, the other was shot in front of her house by an Ex, and the other died from a pulmonary embolism, they were 35, 27, and 24, relatively.

**** happens, that's the unfortunate truth about life. Trust me, go see her in the Hospital. Don't put it off and say "I'll go tomorrow" because she might not be there tomorrow.
 
#28
I think you answered your question yourself when you said she was a friend. What more reason do you need? We don't always agree with what our friends do, even when it's self destructive, but part of the territory is the tragedy friends will sometimes bring. It's not all wine and roses. Visit her. Comfort her mother and, if need be, say goodbye. Some never get that chance.
 
#29
Do whatever feels right, just don't hold yourself responsible.

Sorry To say it but I'm actually expecting for this same phone call about my sister in-law at some point in the future. Sad thing is the rest of the family is too.
 
#32
Wow. I'm incredibly sorry, and don't really have advice to give. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes right now. I don't know what I would do. I know I'd be riddled with ambivalence (as it sounds you are). I guess my advice is do what you feel in your heart. Perhaps just reaching out to the family for support?

Regardless of what you do, know you've got a bunch of supportive cats here on TB!
 
#33
I have experienced the girlfriend in the ICU and in a coma for 2 months. This is a LONG haul. If you decide to go now it's more a show of support for her family. If she's in a coma it sounds like there's a brain injury involved and that's going to change things dramatically for her. This is a sad heavy time for her family. Your involvement should really depend on how you feel about them.
 
#37
I must be the only one who wouldnt go. I hate hospitals, and avoid them when I must. When my ex's mother was in ICU I was dragged there repeatedly, and couldnt wait to leave. Seeing my friend in the mental ward was pretty hard too, Im sure glad he's out now. If I wanted to show some support Id have some flowers sent or something.
 
#39
basstotheface said:
I just can't believe she has the possibility of dying. That doesn't happen. People don't just die. Right?
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Looks like you're getting to be that age. Next up people you've known for years will be getting married, having kids, and starting families. It's a crazy time for sure.

Personally, I'd go. If you two were close at one point then I think it would mean a lot to both of you that you went. I know if any of my exes were in the hospital I'd go see them, regardless of what might of happened between us.
 
#40
If you are preparing for a worst case scenario, know that bereavement hurts. Bereavement without closure and endless 'if onlys' are even harder to bear.

Do what you know and feel to be the right thing for you, regardless of anybody else's opinions or expectations.
 

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