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Experiencing death.

Muaguana

Muaguana

Jul 28, 2009
1,048
22
#1
I have a rather distressing fixation with the prospect of dying and the end of sentience. I've experienced panic attacks since I was an early child about this, often breaking down into sobs because my brain could not comprehend non-existence as it could comprehend (or at least, imagine) what it would feel like to have my throat sliced right down to the vertebrae. Feeling the flesh separating as the cold steel worked its way through, the searing pain of the wound, warm blood gushing over my skin and being absorbed by my shirt... that kind of vivid, my-neurons-are-in-that-body imagining.

It's not the thought of being dead, itself, that bothers me. It's the thought of my consciousness, which has existed my entire life and is all I've known and will ever know, ceasing to exist. I have similar panic attacks when imagining where "I" was prior to conception. Objectively, I know my life and my sentience are finite and must end. But imagining that ending literally makes my brain hurt that it triggers an even greater pain within my chest. I liken it to matter (consciousness) barely touching (comprehending) anti-matter (unconsciousness.)

But that's neither here nor there; this thread is about you, not me. Thus, I ask you, TB'ers: Have you imagined your own death in such depth that you could feel your very consciousness disappearing as your brain dies? Can you fully grasp the thought of not existing? If not, then what are your thoughts on consciousness and death? Or consciousness and pre-life?

As per TB rules, let's keep religion out of this, so please no one bring ideas of an afterlife into this. It's difficult for me to word exactly what I am trying to convey in this subject, as many of the concepts I think of have no words associated with them, so if none of this is clear, please ask for clarification.

Thank you for your time.
 
#2
The contemplation of our own mortality is the price we pay for intelligence. No dog, cat, goldfish, bird, or any other animal contemplates its own death. I'm now 57, and I'm beginning to contemplate my own demise, and to be perfectly honest, it's not something I fear as much as I once thought I would. I know that I have no say in how my life will end, but naturally I will do whatever I can to prolong my life as long as possible. I can only hope that I'll be ready when the time comes, both mentally and spiritually, and that all my arrangements will be made by then.
 
#3
I'm 61 and closer to the end than the beginning.

However, nothing I can do will change this, so it's not something worth worrying about.

I don't spend time imagining my own death - I don't feel there's anything to gain by doing so, and there's no point in engaging in such a morbid activity.

If you can't get over this, I suggest counseling.
 
#4
It doesn't really bother me, I just try to live all aspects of my life in a manner that leaves a positive imprint. To be honest, what scares me more, isn't the void of nothingness when I pass, it's the worry that the mind goes and the body stays.

I have seen a few elder members of my family deteriorate with mental illnesses. Loss of sanity/awareness, scares me. Even though, should it happen, chances are I may not even be aware of that. But still.
 
#5
What Pilgrim said. Death is not your problem, compulsive thoughts are. Our minds can run like hamsters on a wheel if we let them. The discipline to stop these thoughts can be learned, with good counselling. Or you can learn to "change the channel", and think about Sofie Vergara instead. . .
 
#7
Muaguana said:
I have a rather distressing fixation with the prospect of dying and the end of sentience. I've experienced panic attacks since I was an early child about this, often breaking down into sobs because my brain could not comprehend non-existence as it could comprehend (or at least, imagine) what it would feel like to have my throat sliced right down to the vertebrae. Feeling the flesh separating as the cold steel worked its way through, the searing pain of the wound, warm blood gushing over my skin and being absorbed by my shirt... that kind of vivid, my-neurons-are-in-that-body imagining.

It's not the thought of being dead, itself, that bothers me. It's the thought of my consciousness, which has existed my entire life and is all I've known and will ever know, ceasing to exist. I have similar panic attacks when imagining where "I" was prior to conception. Objectively, I know my life and my sentience are finite and must end. But imagining that ending literally makes my brain hurt that it triggers an even greater pain within my chest. I liken it to matter (consciousness) barely touching (comprehending) anti-matter (unconsciousness.)

But that's neither here nor there; this thread is about you, not me. Thus, I ask you, TB'ers: Have you imagined your own death in such depth that you could feel your very consciousness disappearing as your brain dies? Can you fully grasp the thought of not existing? If not, then what are your thoughts on consciousness and death? Or consciousness and pre-life?

As per TB rules, let's keep religion out of this, so please no one bring ideas of an afterlife into this. It's difficult for me to word exactly what I am trying to convey in this subject, as many of the concepts I think of have no words associated with them, so if none of this is clear, please ask for clarification.

Thank you for your time.
Click to expand...

Watch Enter the Void.
 
#8
i_got_a_mohawk said:
It doesn't really bother me, I just try to live all aspects of my life in a manner that leaves a positive imprint. To be honest, what scares me more, isn't the void of nothingness when I pass, it's the worry that the mind goes and the body stays.

I have seen a few elder members of my family deteriorate with mental illnesses. Loss of sanity/awareness, scares me. Even though, should it happen, chances are I may not even be aware of that. But still.
Click to expand...

I agree with you completely. I've seen family members deteriorate with mental illnesses myself, and it's not something I would wish on anyone. It's actually scarier than dying. My father-in-law died from dementia last year, and I was so happy to see him go.
 
#9
Muaguana said:
I've experienced panic attacks since I was an early child about this, often breaking down into sobs because my brain could not comprehend non-existence as it could comprehend (or at least, imagine) what it would feel like to have my throat sliced right down to the vertebrae. Feeling the flesh separating as the cold steel worked its way through, the searing pain of the wound, warm blood gushing over my skin and being absorbed by my shirt...

Thank you for your time.
Click to expand...

That is so creepy.

All the panic attacks and anxiety are possibly having a very negative impact on your personal development and relationships with others.(not to mention your bass playing!)

Im no expert, but you may some "issues" that a professional could help you with.

Best wishes....
 
#10
skychief said:
That is so creepy.

All the panic attacks and anxiety are possibly having a very negative impact on your personal development and relationships with others.(not to mention your bass playing!)

Im no expert, but you may some "issues" that a professional could help you with.

Best wishes....
Click to expand...

That paragraph you quoted was meant to be an example of the kind of conceptualization I'm asking about, since the concepts get a little fuzzy and it's difficult to describe them. As such it was not intended to be the focus of this thread and I am not asking for advice of any kind; I already know what I think on this matter. I'm now asking what others think, out of curiosity.
 
#14
Muaguana:

The nice thing about being dead is that you don't know you are dead. It's just like the sleep we get every night.....when you are asleep, you don't know you are asleep. Death is just like that (except without dreaming).

How did you feel during the gold rush of 1849, or when the Egyptians were building the pyramids? You didn't! You didn't feel anything because you didn't exist, and you didn't know that you didn't exist. That is EXACTLY the way it will be once you are dead. You won't know you are dead! So, no worries! The moral of this story is, life is so incredibly short (geologically speaking), that we need to spend time doing what we love doing (and not worrying about death). Death is the easy part. It's living that is so much work!

That's why it's important to just grab your bass and play whatever music you enjoy playing! Do what you enjoy doing in life! Because once it's over, it's over, and there is n-o-t-h-i-n-g after it (just like there was nothing before it).

Life's a party! Get the most out of it!
 
#15
Thank you all for your responses thus far.

SactoBass said:
Muaguana:

The nice thing about being dead is that you don't know you are dead. It's just like the sleep we get every night.....when you are asleep, you don't know you are asleep. Death is just like that (except without dreaming).
Click to expand...

That's the point. It's a state of not knowing, not being capable of knowing. That is the antithesis of everything we're familiar with during our short lives (unconscious state of sleep notwithstanding), hence the pain I described in the OP in not being able to comprehend it. It's not an issue of not enjoying life - on the contrary, I enjoy it as much as I possibly can, specifically because of this - it's an issue of fully understanding what it means to not exist.

And for the record, I get the same feeling when thinking about the transition point between awake and asleep as I get when thinking about the transition point between life and death. The concept is fundamentally the same, except in the case of death, you don't wake up. When sleeping, there is no perception of time or being or anything (unless dreaming), so you "Jump" from the last moment of consciousness to the next. With no next moment of consciousness, there is, theoretically, an eternity of null perception. Isn't that an intimidating notion?
 
#16
I'm 58 and am totally at peace knowing that one day I'll die. Hey, it's going to happen to all of us, nothing we can do about it so just try to do the best you can. If you fall (and I do) try learn from it and move on.

No, I have never imagined my own death and slipping from conciousness as you've described. But I have wondered many times (and still wonder) what it's like on the other side because I do believe in an life after death.

Pre-life...as in another life before this one? Yes, I believe that we were all here before. Ever notice how mature, how grown up and how much depth of character some children have and how sensative they are to other people? That's proof enough for me that they were here before and have learned from another life. An "old soul" as they call it. So yes, I totally believe in pre-life.
 
#20
I used to have similar thoughts and fears about death. Then I went to war and things changed. Life and consciousness are not a defined equation.

I once had an RPG land and explode 3ft away from me, I heard it fly towards me and watched it detonate. I was completely untouched, but 3 guys 15ft away from me got cut down.

Experiences like this, and I have had more than I can count, eased the tensions I once had about death and dying. When it's your time, it is your time. The end comes for everyone, so it truly is the Last adventure. Don't look forward to it, but accept the inevitable and cherish every moment you have.

Hope this can ease some of your fears.
 

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