Finally, I present to you: TORT TUESDAY

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Ant Illington, Aug 22, 2017.

  1. Ant Illington

    Ant Illington I'm Anthony but I'm only illin' Inactive

    How many years has this taken to arrive? The negligence!!! Speaking of legal terminology and other tangential matters... This is not about legal tort (lowercase). Also, this is not about dessert tortes so please don't discuss your lower-cased things here- go to the "off-topic" forum.

    Come here on Tuesdays and add some Tort! Or just view some Tort if you need a quick pick-me-up. Science has shown that the Tort has inexplicable, yet semi-documented, healing effects and mood-enhancing properties.

    Yes, Tort is to be capitalized. Tort is a proper noun in my world. Sometimes I even call his holiness "the Tort." Some have argued through the ages that one shouldn't use Tort's name in vain but screw them and their rules. TORT is an egomaniac from what I've seen, HE should be an egomaniac due to all that HE has given us. HE likes when we use HIS name. Yes, TORT definitely is a HE. TORT makes sense. Whoops, those two little sentences are unrelated to each other and they are not suggesting that a "She" can't make sense. Your experience may vary, though.

    But back to content:

    Do you have a Tort picture that you'd like to share? Picks, cats, clothes, cars, campers....Post it here.

    Do you have a testimonial of Tort's supernatural powers? Post it here.

    Do you have an interesting household use for Tort? (Tort picks are the best for scraping dried cat vomit out of carpet fibers or blood from your jeans! Billy Mays can shove his Oxy-clean right up his dead, cocaine nose).

    Do you have a funny, scary, borderline stupid, or even sexy, story about TORT? Yes, sexy. TORT is like catnip to women in the crowd. Go ahead, I dare you to talk to one about TORT after a gig. Have your video app ready to roll!

    Has somebody in another thread asked yet another questionable/overdone/unresearched question and you just want to scream "TORT" or "carrots?" Come here and scream "TORT." No explanation needed, we'll understand. This is judgment-free zone. Unless you bring up legal tort or dessert tortes.

    DO NOT say flippin "carrots" here. When you invent an alliterative day for carrots then you can do as you wish in your own alliteratively-titled thread but this is TORT world. This thread is for people who love TORT, and it is for normal people who are sick of those people. Sick of them in a non-judgy way, of course.

    Tort-lovers and Tort-haters are equally welcome here. People who wish to discuss Torts on a P, however, will be summarily ejected from the thread as that would be a "Bass" topic, and an overdone one at that.

    If this thread goes over well then our legal team here at Tort Tuesday will petition the TalkBass peoples to let Tort have it's own, independent forum. Tort is not a bass, Tort is not an amp, Tort is not an effect, Tort is not a technique (unless used in seducing women, of course), Tort is certainly not a friggin "Miscellaneous." TORT is it's own entity in the bass world and, therefore, TORT should have it's own forum; let's wait and see.

    I'll start the show with pics of my tortie cats and then a collection of my basses (so you will clearly see exactly how much I LOVES ME SOME TORT on a bass!).

    Puddy: 1988-2003 (She was a pound cat).


    Kitty: 2003-7/2017 (Found her outside 6 months after Puddy died).

    Tort is like "Short-scale dogs are too clacky and not enough "oomph." Go away, you bore me."

    20160814_100144.jpg Bass with Tort. Nearby.

    In case any doubt remains, I LOVE Tort on a bass! If you look very closely you can see that the bass on the far left has a Tort pickguard so I can have some credibility to non-bass musicians who look for two things, Fender and Tort. That Tort with a Fender Jazz Bass attached never leaves the house because the mojo is just too strong and I wouldn't do that to the ladies or bandmates. It has been banned from church, in fact. If I want to play a Jazz, I have to bring my Squier (in the corner, so embarrassed by it even though nobody who is not on TB can tell the difference other than it's black pickguard looks better and the bass actually might sound a little better).
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2017
  2. Gravedigger Dav

    Gravedigger Dav Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 13, 2014
    Springtown, Texas
    I got your Tort right here:
  3. mexicant


    Aug 28, 2012
    Mid Michigan,USA
    20170819_192955.jpg the tort is strong!
  4. Thumb n Fingers

    Thumb n Fingers

    Dec 15, 2016
    Here's my Torts... Still trying to find one big enough for the doghouse. But that may be too much Tort for anyone to handle. 20170121_180122.jpg 20170121_180810.jpg
    dave64o, Strung_Low, Afc70 and 3 others like this.
  5. Tort~


    Things NOT to be discussed on this thread!!!
    (Because some folks have zero sense of humor, and I ~apparently~ can't read, though I do play a clearly superior bass rig.)




    1. a wrongful act or an infringement of a right (other than under contract) leading to civil legal liability.
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2017
  6. Ant Illington

    Ant Illington I'm Anthony but I'm only illin' Inactive

    Please read the first paragraph of OP and remove law and dessert posts before people start seeing a connection between guys still using an Ampeg fridge and said people's ability to read.
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2017
    johndb and smogg like this.
  7. woodyng2

    woodyng2 Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2015
    Oregon Coast
    IMG_0306.JPG :D
  8. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    Tortnip, not catnip.
    Love those Tort Tortuga tortoises. :thumbsup:
    Ant Illington likes this.
  9. Oddly


    Jan 17, 2014
    Dublin, Ireland.
    bobba66, dave64o, fermata and 3 others like this.
  10. Meyatch


    Nov 25, 2007
    Here is a tort I used to have. It wasn't really tort, it was more like a police sketch of tort.
    dave64o, Oddly, micbass and 2 others like this.
  11. Klaxxi


    Mar 6, 2017
    Beaumont, TX
    1/3 Tort
    dave64o, kkaarrll, woodyng2 and 2 others like this.
  12. mikeyjm2

    mikeyjm2 Keepin' it simple.

    Dec 31, 2014
    Houston, TX
    Finally I got me some tort a coupla months ago. Can't believe I waited so long. Somehow the tort actually made an extra string appear on my bass! It's some kinda voodoo I guess. I don't understand it but I don't have to either.

    dave64o, Spidey2112 and Ant Illington like this.
  13. Bunk McNulty

    Bunk McNulty It is not easy to do simple things correctly Supporting Member

    Dec 11, 2012
    Northampton, MA
  14. Mildew Jones

    Mildew Jones

    Dec 18, 2014
    Double TORT...and I do have more.
  15. Mktrat

    Mktrat Seriously, are we not doing phrasing anymore?

    Apr 9, 2013
    The Mitten
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2017
  16. Ric5

    Ric5 Supporting Member

    Jan 29, 2008
    I will keep collecting until I have 40 basses

  17. Marhmol

    Marhmol Supporting Member

    Nov 6, 2016
    Bay Area Ca
    DAS FENDERS.jpg Yes, A big fan!
  18. Ant Illington

    Ant Illington I'm Anthony but I'm only illin' Inactive

    Correct, superior in weight.

    Talk about people with no sense of humor... look up irony (and some of those people who supervise TB. Shhh, we can't mention their title or their determinations).

    In case you still don't get it, you have a fine amp but since you violated the rules of the very first paragragh I had to say something.
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2017
  19. Ant Illington

    Ant Illington I'm Anthony but I'm only illin' Inactive

    You're probably one of those guys who has 3 girlfriends but they all look the same so it's like having only one girlfriend. Boring! But this is a judgment-free zone so here's the positive:

    I'll give you some credit because they might sound dissimilar when plucked.