Finally left a stressful situation

[Core Creek]

I've been playing bass for this one band pretty exclusively for a dab over a year now. And while there have been a ton of pluses, there were a fair number of minuses. Overall though there were plenty of good paying gigs and it made things worth while.

So I've know for over a month now that come November the gigs seemed to have dried up for whatever reason. Last year we had 12 in November - this year 3. Last year 8 in December. This year 2. Doing the math it just seemed like the right time to move on but I wasn't entirely sure.

Well, this past week we had our 3rd rehearsal ever and it did not go well. The BL emailed about 5 new tunes, along with YouTube links with specific videos of arrangements by other cover bands, as well as an edited version of one song.

First, the guitar player learned one of the tunes in a different key (and never mentioned it before practice) and learned a different arrangement. And the drummer didn't bother to listen to any of the arrangements sent - he just kept saying "oh I don't need those videos, I know those songs"… while we debate parts that are or aren't in all the versions. All the while the BL doesn't seem to care about holding either of them accountable for failing to do the work… he seems content with leaving the dysfunction to prevent rocking any boats.

I however got pretty pissed. I should add a similar situation happened at the last practice a few months ago. Add to the fact that it's a significant drive for me, I eventually got frustrated, lost my temper, and stormed out. Not the best approach, but this has been brewing for ages.

I've also been helping the BL out with some side projects, none of which I really committed to. I was also considering bowing out of those projects. Let's just say the BL is a large part of the dysfunction and made working with him not so pleasant.

So after last week horrible rehearsal, a re-evaluation of the schedule, and some reaching out to friends for advice, I made the call today to bow out from all the projects with the BL. I'll just say he wasn't happy. The band manager called me a few minutes later and we had a more productive conversation and the manager agreed that on reduced gigs alone my decision was understandable. The drama was all just icing on the cake. I happily offered to finish out the year (only 5 gigs), would consider playing other gigs that come in before the end of the year (but asked them to confirm with me first), and told them I'd even consider other gigs into next year if my schedule allows it.

I already feel the weight of stress off my shoulders and I know this was the right decision. I already have an audition lined up next weekend for a band on drums playing 8-10 gigs a month - less money per gig, but a paid gig is better than no gig. And I have a lead on another drum gig with an event/wedding band. We'll see how they pan out, but I suspect I'll probably end up on drums instead of bass only because there's a lack of good bassist wanted ads around these parts.

Just to make sure it wasn't just me, I did run the situation by a couple of good musician friends who all agreed that the situation seemed pretty ridiculous - with one friend asking how I lasted so long. Money is the answer, good money. With that drying up all that was left was a lot of drama and I wasn't going to be paid enough to deal with that.

 

[DonaldR]

I vote to fire the drummer on those new projects

 

[Parzival]

I vote to fire the drummer on those new projects

I bet their drummer is awful.

Fire

 

[Brian Patterson]

Don't understand where your business success took such a turn - any ideas? Something entered the picture..

 

[J Wilson]

If it's not fun and you dread it, no amount of gig money can cure that.

 

[Core Creek]

Don't understand where your business success took such a turn - any ideas? Something entered the picture..

I suspect when I joined it was already a sinking ship. The keyboardist (the only non-drama pro in the band) kept talking about how much $ they made and how many gigs they had the prior year. And the BL told me the very first phone call minimum pay and totals for the years for each member. First gig - pay was less. End of 12 months we haven't made half of what I was told.

I suspect the drama from the two biggest offenders stoped the BL from booking. I also know those two kept insisting they wouldn't do certain gigs if they didn't pay enough. So he stopped booking a lot of gigs.

And finally, after a year, I can confirm the BL is tough to work with and has no problem burning bridges. I suspect right before I joined (probably why the last bassist left) the BL successfully pissed off enough bars, clubs and band agents to ensure the work faucet would slowly be turned off for the year.

When I joined I told my wife I'd give it a year and re-evaluate. If the gigs were still plentiful I would have sucked it up. But the writing has been on the wall for awhile - continued decrease in gigs.

 

[Core Creek]

Don't understand where your business success took such a turn - any ideas? Something entered the picture..

Oh and the band manager (who also books gigs) just had a messy divorce and was recently diagnosed with a major illness. I get that life happens and I feel bad, but it leaves the band where it is…

 

[40Hz]

Did that guitarist learn how to play using Guitar Hero or one of those other guitar karaoke apps? I don't get what the his issue is with learning a song in one key and then being asked to play it in another. Transposing, even on the fly, is a basic skill any musician worthy of the name should have under his or her belt. I've been in many situations where the vocalist's voice was wearing out and they asked the band to take a song or even the rest of the set down a step or a half step to give their vocal cords a break. It's not an unusual request.

And that drummer…yeah. Fire the drummer.

 

[pepj]

No one likes doing rehearsals but they can be a necessity so they absolutely must be fruitful.
If I've set aside time and I assume others do too...because it is soon obvious if they haven't, then .. then all the BL needs to do is make sure everyone knows what they need to do.

Timewasters do not survive long. They are normally dropped pretty quickly ime.
And thats how it should be.

 

[Crab Key]

I've found that when meeting new band members or hearing about their project that spouting high numbers about what you'll make is a total red flag unless they are a proven entity. If they write it on a napkin even worse...

 

[And I]

someone who wants to be called "band leader" but who doesn't lead the band... well... red flag for sure.

 

[Core Creek]

Did that guitarist learn how to play using Guitar Hero or one of those other guitar karaoke apps? I don't get what the his issue is with learning a song in one key and then being asked to play it in another. Transposing, even on the fly, is a basic skill any musician worthy of the name should have under his or her belt. I've been in many situations where the vocalist's voice was wearing out and they asked the band to take a song or even the rest of the set down a step or a half step to give their vocal cords a break. It's not an unusual request.

And that drummer…yeah. Fire the drummer.

In the guitarists' defense, it was a song that required one string to downtune and that forced the key. I get it. The issue is not bothering to mention that to anyone else who was learning it from the recording.

And I should point out the rehearsal before that (months ago) the guitarist failed to learn most of the tunes on the list. Again, in all fairness, there was a death in the family. I'm not heartless. But then why have me waste my time driving the 1.5 hours to get there? Just say it wasn't possible to learn the tunes let's cancel practice.

As for the drummer - there is no firing. He is one of the founding members, and seems to have a chip on the shoulder about it. The BL books, pays, organizes. But tell the drummer that and he puffs his chest with "well I started this band".

 

[Core Creek]

No one likes doing rehearsals but they can be a necessity so they absolutely must be fruitful.
If I've set aside time and I assume others do too...because it is soon obvious if they haven't, then .. then all the BL needs to do is make sure everyone knows what they need to do.

Timewasters do not survive long. They are normally dropped pretty quickly ime.
And thats how it should be.

I've found that every band has its own form of dysfunction. At least ones where the bands isn't comprised of total pros. This band seems to expect a bassist to come in and learn to deal with their brand of dysfunction. I did because the $ was good. But I continually told the BL that behaviors were BS. It made no difference. I suspect this is why the ship was slowly sinking. A revolving door of bass players, lead female vocalists and sound guys because eventually the BS isn't worth the $.

 

[Core Creek]

Let's not forget the three pillars most musicians strive to find in a band, with 2 a requirement…. Any less being not worth the time:

1) Good music
2) Good money
3) Good hang

1 and 2 were well covered for awhile there. Considering I did most of my gigging on drums it was refreshing to play some songs I couldn't stand on bass (here's looking at you Buttercup, Brown Eye Girl and Sweet Caroline). And $ was good for the gigs. If you want to make a living at this I get that personalities vary and I find I can pretty much work with anyone even if they're a PITA. So all the "those are red flags", "I would walk", "fire the drummer" are way too black and white. I'd never get gigs if I was that rigid.

In this equation the $ got taken away and then only one pillar stands - not enough to sustain my continuing participation.

 

[ole Jason]

Personally I can't deal with playing with people who can't transpose or change things on the fly. It's such a basic skill anyone playing in a band should have there's really no excuse for not being able to do it.

 

[Markmann]

Personally I can't deal with playing with people who can't transpose or change things on the fly. It's such a basic skill anyone playing in a band should have there's really no excuse for not being able to do it.

I play bass and guitar, and although I agree to an extent there are songs that are not easy to transpose down on guitar. When a song depends on first position open chords or movable open chords to sound right (especially on acoustic) it's tough to transpose down on the fly.

 

[Core Creek]

I play bass and guitar, and although I agree to an extent there are songs that are not easy to transpose down on guitar. When a song depends on first position open chords or movable open chords to sound right (especially on acoustic) it's tough to transpose down on the fly.

Yeah, like most things, I prefer not to make blanket statements. There are definitely songs that are easy to transpose but there are always ones that are difficult.

 

[darwin-bass]

Imagine you had no day job. You HAD to put up with stupid band nonsense just to put minimal food on the table and gas in the tank while you sleep on a friends couch. You can't quit. What do you do? Turn to drugs, I suppose.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

I've been playing bass for this one band pretty exclusively for a dab over a year now. And while there have been a ton of pluses, there were a fair number of minuses. Overall though there were plenty of good paying gigs and it made things worth while.

So I've know for over a month now that come November the gigs seemed to have dried up for whatever reason. Last year we had 12 in November - this year 3. Last year 8 in December. This year 2. Doing the math it just seemed like the right time to move on but I wasn't entirely sure.

Well, this past week we had our 3rd rehearsal ever and it did not go well. The BL emailed about 5 new tunes, along with YouTube links with specific videos of arrangements by other cover bands, as well as an edited version of one song.

First, the guitar player learned one of the tunes in a different key (and never mentioned it before practice) and learned a different arrangement. And the drummer didn't bother to listen to any of the arrangements sent - he just kept saying "oh I don't need those videos, I know those songs"… while we debate parts that are or aren't in all the versions. All the while the BL doesn't seem to care about holding either of them accountable for failing to do the work… he seems content with leaving the dysfunction to prevent rocking any boats.

I however got pretty pissed. I should add a similar situation happened at the last practice a few months ago. Add to the fact that it's a significant drive for me, I eventually got frustrated, lost my temper, and stormed out. Not the best approach, but this has been brewing for ages.

I've also been helping the BL out with some side projects, none of which I really committed to. I was also considering bowing out of those projects. Let's just say the BL is a large part of the dysfunction and made working with him not so pleasant.

So after last week horrible rehearsal, a re-evaluation of the schedule, and some reaching out to friends for advice, I made the call today to bow out from all the projects with the BL. I'll just say he wasn't happy. The band manager called me a few minutes later and we had a more productive conversation and the manager agreed that on reduced gigs alone my decision was understandable. The drama was all just icing on the cake. I happily offered to finish out the year (only 5 gigs), would consider playing other gigs that come in before the end of the year (but asked them to confirm with me first), and told them I'd even consider other gigs into next year if my schedule allows it.

I already feel the weight of stress off my shoulders and I know this was the right decision. I already have an audition lined up next weekend for a band on drums playing 8-10 gigs a month - less money per gig, but a paid gig is better than no gig. And I have a lead on another drum gig with an event/wedding band. We'll see how they pan out, but I suspect I'll probably end up on drums instead of bass only because there's a lack of good bassist wanted ads around these parts.

Just to make sure it wasn't just me, I did run the situation by a couple of good musician friends who all agreed that the situation seemed pretty ridiculous - with one friend asking how I lasted so long. Money is the answer, good money. With that drying up all that was left was a lot of drama and I wasn't going to be paid enough to deal with that.

Frankly I wouldn't put up with mess for great money. Life is too short and I'm not about to let anybody waste my time. Too few summers left.

 

[Core Creek]

Imagine you had no day job. You HAD to put up with stupid band nonsense just to put minimal food on the table and gas in the tank while you sleep on a friends couch. You can't quit. What do you do? Turn to drugs, I suppose.

Well, drugs suck up that rent/food money, makes for bad performances, and worse…

What to do? The reality is you eat a little crow from time to time but do your best to stay true to your own values.

I recall when I first started in this band I told a friend something the BL said that was just basic gaslighting, and I said to my friend I could just do the same back - and he said, yeah, but that isn't you… and he's right.

After a year of tough personalities I can finally say I just don't get along well. I could fake it well enough for a good paycheck. No paycheck? Nope…

Frankly I wouldn't put up with mess for great money. Life is too short and I'm not about to let anybody waste my time. Too few summers left.

Like I said at the top, it wasn't all doom and gloom - there were also a lot of pluses. I enjoyed the tunes and when the band was on (which was most of the time) it truly was the tightest group of musicians I've worked with. In 13 months we only had 3 rehearsals so there wasn't a lot of my time wasted. I also expanded my repertoire of tunes significantly, and ended up memorizing a ton of tunes I had never played before. I also got to play some venues I had wanted to play (Seacrets in OC MD for one), and of the 7 or so weddings we did, four of them paid 4-figures… per man.

Again, things are never black and white. Lack of gigs and the last rehearsal were just the tipping point where the negatives were no longer outpacing the positives.