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Friend dating my ex... need help (for him!!!)

powderfinger

powderfinger

Feb 24, 2009
791
53
#1
So I dated this girl a few years ago. She was very cute, and exceptionally sweet. However, on the 2nd date, she told me she was in love with me and wanted to get married. She texted me at work about 100 times a day, offering to bring me lunch, wanting to meet me at HOME for lunch for a quickie, etc. The girl would show up at my house CONSTANTLY. She was obsessive and downright almost a stalker.

So I was on her Facebook for a while. About once a week she would change her status to "in a relationship", but with a new guy... and she would post for a week or so how "in love" she was and blah blah. She would then, after they broke up, posts all sorts of private details about the guy and their break up on her FB... to all 1200 of her "friends". She would totally slander and ruin anyone who crossed her. She doesnt value anyones privacy.

OK, I did deactivate my FB, but I log on sometimes to be nosy. I noticed that one of my best friends is now dating HER. I saw it on my newsfeed. Part of me wants to tell my friends to run like hell, bc yes, my friend is a player, and yes, he is going to break this girls heart in a no time when he dumps her for his next conquest. Problem is... if I say something to my friend, I run the risk of him saying something to her, and her slandering ME on her FB page and to who only knows in real life... believe me, shes nuts... she will do it.

Anyhow, what would you guys do? My friends, FYI, had no idea I ever knew her to my knowledge, so its not like hes breaking any "guy code".
 
#6
At most one warning, if you really feel the need, then back off. His business is his business and the lessons he needs to learn are his alone.

IMO, friendship isn't about getting involved in other people's relationships, it's about making sure you're always there to pick them up off the floor afterwards. And keeping your couch available and a couple of beers in the fridge for when they need them.

And ... giving a warning doesn't give you the right to say "I told you so".
 
#7
Well, my ONLY concern is getting this psycho woman pissed at me if she finds out I stepped in between her and her "new man" (aka my friend). She probably still has ill feelings toward me, when I told her I wouldnt marry her on our 2nd date, and I am NOT wanting to be dragged into the middle of this...... Im being selfish in other words.
 
#8
Kick his ass......oh wait that was my solution to when my best friend started dating my ex wife a week after we signed papers.

As a friend I would just warn him, just casually. Even if he's irritated with you, chances are when she turns psycho again if he already hasn't had a chance to break her heart, he'll appreciate it.
 
#9
He's one of your best friends but he doesn't know about the hell you went through with her? :confused: :eyebrow:

Regardless, if he doesn't know, he doesn't know. I'd tell him what happened to you and then drop it. After that, he's a big boy and can decide for himself what to do with that info.
 
#10
Kwesi said:
Sure, if you want to be a complete douche. If he's really someone you consider a friend you'll tell him about her and let him decide how to proceed after that. Don't badger him but give him the facts. It's ultimately in his hands but real friends would let each other walk onto a landmine without at least attempting to give a warning.
Click to expand...

Dating is rarely between three people.
Two people think they like each other, so they get together to learn more about each other and how they get along. It's discovery, not instant-perfect or end.

If one of my friends told me the girl I'm dating is unsatisfactory, regardless of what makes her so (with the exception of little things living in her that could then live in me were they to have a route), I would say, "I'll keep that in mind." I wouldn't keep it in mind.
 
#11
powderfinger said:
So I dated this girl a few years ago. She was very cute, and exceptionally sweet. However, on the 2nd date, she told me she was in love with me and wanted to get married. She texted me at work about 100 times a day, offering to bring me lunch, wanting to meet me at HOME for lunch for a quickie, etc. The girl would show up at my house CONSTANTLY. She was obsessive and downright almost a stalker.

So I was on her Facebook for a while. About once a week she would change her status to "in a relationship", but with a new guy... and she would post for a week or so how "in love" she was and blah blah. She would then, after they broke up, posts all sorts of private details about the guy and their break up on her FB... to all 1200 of her "friends". She would totally slander and ruin anyone who crossed her. She doesnt value anyones privacy.

OK, I did deactivate my FB, but I log on sometimes to be nosy. I noticed that one of my best friends is now dating HER. I saw it on my newsfeed. Part of me wants to tell my friends to run like hell, bc yes, my friend is a player, and yes, he is going to break this girls heart in a no time when he dumps her for his next conquest. Problem is... if I say something to my friend, I run the risk of him saying something to her, and her slandering ME on her FB page and to who only knows in real life... believe me, shes nuts... she will do it.

Anyhow, what would you guys do? My friends, FYI, had no idea I ever knew her to my knowledge, so its not like hes breaking any "guy code".
Click to expand...

Call her back up and ask her out... you seem to not be over her yet.
 
#15
Kwesi said:
Sure, if you want to be a complete douche. If he's really someone you consider a friend you'll tell him about her and let him decide how to proceed after that. Don't badger him but give him the facts. It's ultimately in his hands but real friends would let each other walk onto a landmine without at least attempting to give a warning.
Click to expand...

Theres not really anything to tell, Kwes. "Um, hey, if you break that girls heart shes going to post slanderous info about you online like pretty much every other girl whose heart youve broken" just isnt really news.
 
#17
Question: if he's one of your best friends, and you're warning him about a potential problem, why would he tell her what you said to him? Even if he chooses not to heed what you have to say, isn't that something he'd keep between you two?
 
#19
Cabazon said:
Dating is rarely between three people.
Two people think they like each other, so they get together to learn more about each other and how they get along. It's discovery, not instant-perfect or end.
Click to expand...

Agreed.

Cabazon said:
If one of my friends told me the girl I'm dating is unsatisfactory, regardless of what makes her so (with the exception of little things living in her that could then live in me were they to have a route), I would say, "I'll keep that in mind." I wouldn't keep it in mind.
Click to expand...

Then we just have different ideas on what being a friend means or, perhaps, communication between friends.
 
#20
I'd want someone to tell me that. Doesn't mean I'm not mature enough to handle my own affairs, or that I would immediately bail on the girl, but it'd be nice to know. Just like I would wanna know about the band my potential new singer got fired from for being a junkie. Doesn't mean I won't audition the guy cuz he could've changed, but it's good to have some background info.
 

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