Get off my LAWN! "Grumpy Old Farts"

[GwenOnBass]

Oh, God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"
Abe said, "Man, you must be puttin' me on"
God said, "No" Abe say, "What?"
God say, "You can do what you want, Abe, but
The next time you see me comin', you better run"
Well, Abe said, "Where d'you want this killin' done?"
God said, "Out on Highway 61"

 

[ahc]

 

[beans-on-toast]

If Noah had a daughter instead of sons, we'd still have unicorns.

Noah did have a wife, Joan of Arc. His sons had wives, so the story goes,

There were green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Noah cried "Close the door, cause the rain is pouring,
And we just can't wait for no Unicorn."
The ark started movin, it drifted with the tide.
Them Unicorns looked up from the rocks and they cried,
And the waters came down and sort of floated them away,
And that's why you'll never see a Unicorn... to this very day.

I’m wondering what happened to all the dragons.

 

[GonePlaid]

Noah did have a wife Joan of Arc. His sons had wives, so the story goes,

IIRC, one of the wives was named Angel; another was named Imedes. The boat was named De Triomphe.

 

[GwenOnBass]

I learned about PMS in the Bible. The part where it says Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem.

 

[Fat Freddy]

If Noah had a daughter instead of sons, we'd still have unicorns.

...and Krakens....

 

[Fat Freddy]

Noah did have a wife Joan of Arc. His sons had wives, so the story goes,

There were green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Noah cried "Close the door, cause the rain is pouring,
And we just can't wait for no Unicorn."
The ark started movin, it drifted with the tide.
Them Unicorns looked up from the rocks and they cried,
And the waters came down and sort of floated them away,
And that's why you'll never seen a Unicorn... to this very day.

I’m wondering what happened to all the dragons.

Moved to China.....obviously.....

 

[Fat Freddy]

I learned about PMS in the Bible. The part where it says Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem.

 

[ahc]

Moved to China.....obviously.....

And the Valyrian Peninsula (unless that was China).

 

[2tonic]

The Bible is replete with characters and stories, but seldom elaborates as to the human element, in the afterward.

Oh, God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"...........

Ponder the story this quote refers to, that of Abraham and Isaac.
This had to be a cathartic moment in their relationship.
Consider the dynamic, moving forward.
Poor Isaac now knows that Dear Old Dad is ready and willing to shank him at a moment's notice, depending on the whim of the voice in his head. He also has to seriously question whether Pops is gonna pay to put him through college!

I learned about PMS in the Bible. The part where it says Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem.

Here's another one.
Joseph is a hardworking lad, a journeyman by trade.
His Old Lady is knocked up with someone else's kid.
Now this poor stiff has to travel to pay his taxes and fill out the damn census forms. At least it's a chance for a road trip. He can clear his mind, do some serious thinking on his situation, gain new perspective, come up with some concrete plans for his future.
Then his 3rd trimester Other Half decides to tag along, still hawking that "virgin" scenario.
Talk about pushing the misery meter off the scale!

Or how about Jesus himself.
Supposedly he was hooking up with Mary Magdelene, or at least that's the rumour.
Oh, Mary......she's had a rough life. Typical daddy issues, but now she's trying to make a home, and stretch the rent money to the end of the month.
JC's not much of a help. Smart and charming, but unskilled. Why won't he learn a trade......construction maybe.....he could go into business with his Dad.

But no, he's always jetting off to the party scene.
That "wedding" in Canaan, where he came back smelling like his clothes were washed in wine.
Or the time he went to that Grateful Dead show and played the "superstar", picking up the tab for fish sandwiches for the whole crowd.

And when they do save up a couple of sheckles to rub together, he goes and gets that "disturbing the peace" citation and fine, for turning over the lenders tables outside the temple.
She had been ready to pack her bag and hit the ox path right then.

And now the final straw...she hasn't seen him since middle of last week, when he left for town with his posse, saying they were going to get a nice restaurant meal and have a casino night.

Imagine how she felt Monday morning, standing in the doorway, with her arms crossed and her foot tapping, turning that cast iron skillet over and over in her hands, as she watched Jesus drag himself up the front walk with his best "Honey, you'll never believe what happened to me this weekend" look plastered on his face!






All in reverent jest, please unknot your panties.

 

[GwenOnBass]

Whenever I think I don't need to write this down, I'll remember, I'm guaranteed to forget it.

 

[ahc]

Whenever I think I don't need to write this down, I'll remember, I'm guaranteed to forget it.

Yup. Sounds like the dreaded chronic GOF disease CRS (can't remember sh!&). I'm a long time sufferer.

 

[GonePlaid]

Yup. Sounds like the dreaded chronic GOF disease CRS (can't remember sh!&). I'm a long time sufferer.

I've gone beyond 'CRS' to 'CRAFT'. Can't remember a frickin' thing.

 

[G-Dog]

I've gone beyond 'CRS' to 'CRAFT'. Can't remember a frickin' thing.

You'll pardon me if I just stick with CRS. I'll never remember C R A T, ... uh, C R A P, mmm, . . . . all that other stuff.
.

 

[GonePlaid]

You'll pardon me if I just stick with CRS. I'll never remember C R A T, ... uh, C R A P, mmm, . . . . all that other stuff.
.

You may already be infected.

 

[Fat Freddy]

What with?.....

 

[G-Dog]

You may already be infected.

Yep, stage 11, or 12, I don't recall.
.

 

[beans-on-toast]

Friday On My Mind

 

[beans-on-toast]

 

[GwenOnBass]

In some worlds shoppers learn to follow the town's chef at the weekly market. Lucky is the seller that day who the chef chooses, as all who pay attention will buy up everything that remains.