Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Getting respect
- Thread starter Axtman
- Start date
jive1
Commercial User
Sometimes folks mistake respect with approval and authority.
You can have people approve of you, but not respect you. You just need a cool trick, neat toys, willingness to play their game, or lips made for kissing butt. Folks love the class clown, the stoner, slut, and the spendy show-off. But they don't necessarily respect them.
You can have authority, but not have respect either. You just need to show that you know, have something over someone, pull the strings, or be insistent. Nagging wives, boorish supervisors, annoying know-it-alls all have authority, but not necessarily respect.
Don't mistake the above with respect, if that's what you want. Respect is much harder to get, compared to approval and authority.
- Don't make excuses, get stuff done. Excuses rarely create respect, but responsibility and action do.
- Don't whine. You may sound that way and not know it. Listen to yourself and make sure you aren't.
- Stand tall, and look people in the eye when you talk to them.
- Do the right thing even when it's hard to. Stand for what you believe in when you have nothing personal to gain from it. This is what heroes are made of.
- Be comfortable in your own skin. Know your faults, be comfortable with them, and work on them. Be willing to apologize.
- Have standards and values, and stick with them. Be willing to let people know your expectations, and be a model for meeting them.
- Be up front. Sneaky animals like weasels, rats, and snakes don't get respect, and neither do humans.
Also, take into account whose respect (as well as approval) that you seek. Sometimes, it's just not worth it. It's a deal you can't afford to make, no matter how cheap and easy it seems.
You can have people approve of you, but not respect you. You just need a cool trick, neat toys, willingness to play their game, or lips made for kissing butt. Folks love the class clown, the stoner, slut, and the spendy show-off. But they don't necessarily respect them.
You can have authority, but not have respect either. You just need to show that you know, have something over someone, pull the strings, or be insistent. Nagging wives, boorish supervisors, annoying know-it-alls all have authority, but not necessarily respect.
Don't mistake the above with respect, if that's what you want. Respect is much harder to get, compared to approval and authority.
- Don't make excuses, get stuff done. Excuses rarely create respect, but responsibility and action do.
- Don't whine. You may sound that way and not know it. Listen to yourself and make sure you aren't.
- Stand tall, and look people in the eye when you talk to them.
- Do the right thing even when it's hard to. Stand for what you believe in when you have nothing personal to gain from it. This is what heroes are made of.
- Be comfortable in your own skin. Know your faults, be comfortable with them, and work on them. Be willing to apologize.
- Have standards and values, and stick with them. Be willing to let people know your expectations, and be a model for meeting them.
- Be up front. Sneaky animals like weasels, rats, and snakes don't get respect, and neither do humans.
Also, take into account whose respect (as well as approval) that you seek. Sometimes, it's just not worth it. It's a deal you can't afford to make, no matter how cheap and easy it seems.
Damn! Jive1 knocked it out of the park! Gotta respect that!
I shall call him Sir from this day forward!!
I shall call him Sir from this day forward!!
I agree with this - what is your area of expertise, your specialist knowledge - what do you bring to the party?
I'm not sure about that - isn't there a word for people who make lists for everything....
They don't seem to listen to you and don't take your adivice,
even though you are likely to be correct on the issue.
What did they say when you calmly and clearly pointed out
this communication problem to them? (With examples.)
That's one test for assertion. Did you do that? If so, how did
they respond? If they simply ignored repeated clear and calm
statements, you have to wonder whether the problem is with
them, not you.
Of course, if you haven't directly raised the issue, giving them
a chance to be responsive, the problem is likely with your lack
of assertion, as others have suggested.
And it seems to me the idea of developing "intimidation skills"
confuses assertion with low-grade aggression. Not a receipe
for constructive dealings with others over the long haul.
even though you are likely to be correct on the issue.
What did they say when you calmly and clearly pointed out
this communication problem to them? (With examples.)
That's one test for assertion. Did you do that? If so, how did
they respond? If they simply ignored repeated clear and calm
statements, you have to wonder whether the problem is with
them, not you.
Of course, if you haven't directly raised the issue, giving them
a chance to be responsive, the problem is likely with your lack
of assertion, as others have suggested.
And it seems to me the idea of developing "intimidation skills"
confuses assertion with low-grade aggression. Not a receipe
for constructive dealings with others over the long haul.
Indeed.
So is Maki, and I'm surprised he didn't suggest you tap multiple asian chicks. Tap them well, and respect you shall have.
I agree 100% that respect is earned. Now, how do you earn it? I think there are two critical things:
1) Give respect (even if others haven't earned it),
2) Be competent.
Even the class clown can get respect if he is copmpetent and shows respect for others.
1) Give respect (even if others haven't earned it),
2) Be competent.
Even the class clown can get respect if he is copmpetent and shows respect for others.
You want respect? Make videos of yourself doing imaginary duets with Taylor Swift and then proceed to give her a small DIAB and be ok with the fact that its small, because your best asset is not your package, but your spontaneous air gifts.
