I have close to 30 years of gigging experience under my belt.
I am not sharing (the level of) your frustration. Having a good gear increases the likelihood that my bass will sound (reasonably) good, IME. That's not to say that it's always possible to achieve a perfect sound (or even a reasonable good sound). Some rooms are difficult. Some rooms are total nightmares. On the other hand, some rooms are good.
What helped me was to realise that live gigging requires lot of compromises. Too high expectations create frustration, IMHO.
Agreed.
And I've found that playing often enough = not being overly-invested in the acoustic success of one room.