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Google is racist.

More French Military Victories:


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Corsica was part of the Republic of Genoa, which was an independent state from the middle ages. It was a French protectorate long before it became part of Italy.

So, you're saying that the Genoese weren't considered "Italian" and had nothing to do with Italy? I guess Columbus wasn't "Italian" either?

OK, then. Have a nice day.

(Backing away slowly.)
 
For those interested:

-Battle of the Allia (387 BCE): A Gallic force under Brennus destroys a Roman army and sacks Rome itself, leading to the destruction of all prior Roman historical records.

-Siege of Gergovia (52 BCE): Vercingetorix hands Caesar the worst defeat of his career.

(note: the Franks fall under both French and German military history since they laid the political foundations for both countries)

-Battle of Soissons (486): The Franks under Clovis I defeat the last Roman army in Gaul.

-Battle of Tolbiac (496): The Franks under Clovis I defeat the Alamanni tribe.

-Battle of Vouillé (507): The Franks under Clovis I defeat the Visigoths under Alaric II, the conqueror of Spain.

As a result of these victories, the domains of Clovis quadruple.

-Battle of Toulouse (721): The Aquitanians defeat an Islamic force, giving the Frankish Charles Martel enough time to build a veteran force and crush the Muslims at the...

-Battle of Tours (732): One of the most celebrated victories in Western history, the Franks under Charles 'the Hammer' Martel crush a large Islamic invading force. It probably did not have the enormous significance that is often claimed, but it was nonetheless a huge symbolic victory.

-Battle of Pavia (773): The Franks under Charlemagne crush the Lombards, led by their king Desiderius, in Italy.

-Saxon Campaigns (773-804): The Franks under Charlemagne repeatedly subdue over three decades of Saxon insurrections.

-Siege of Paris (885-886): With 200 men defending Paris, the Western Franks manage to halt and, when outside help arrived, defeat a Viking invasion force of 30,000.

-Battle of Hastings (1066): A Franco-Norman army under William, the Duke of Normandy, trounces an exhausted Anglo-Saxon army under King Harold. It was the last successful military invasion of England that was seriously contested. (Note: At this point, William was a vassal to the King of France and the Normans were culturally an amalgam between their Viking traditions and new-found Christian roots. Hastings, therefore, can be counted as a French military victory).

-Battle of Dorylaeum (1097): A Crusader army under various Christian leaders defeat the Seljuk Turks in modern-day Turkey.

-Battle of Ascalon (1099): A Crusader army under Godfrey de Bouillon thrashes the Fatimids just north of modern-day Gaza.

-Battle of Montgisard (1177): A Crusader army under Baldwin IV, King of Jerusalem, and Raynald de Chatillon gives Saladin the worst defeat in his military career, slaying 20,000 of his 30,000 troops.

-Battle of Bouvines (1214): About 15,000 French troops under Philippe Augustus rout a larger Flemish-German army of 25,000 led by Holy Roman Emperor Otto IV. The French suffer about 1,000 casualties while the Flemish and the Germans incur about 10,000. The struggle is often called "The battle that made modern France" because the victory undid the Anglo-German alliance and allowed France to develop independently.

-Saintonge War (1242): King Louis IX of France defeats the English at the battles of Taillebourg and Saintes, but unfortunately does not follow up these victories by annexing Guyenne.

-Hundred Years War (1337-1453): This incorrectly titled conflict witnessed four major wars between England and France in 116 years. England won two of those wars, and France won the other two. The last decisive war (roughly from 1428 to 1453) was thoroughly won by the French and ended Anglo-French military rivalry on the European continent. Some of the more prominent victories in that phase include:

-Battle of Patay (1429): A French army under Joan of Arc hands the English one of the worst defeats in their military history.

-Battle of Formigny (1451): This decisive French victory led to the recapturing of Normandy.

-Battle of Castillon (1453): The last major engagement of the Hundred Years Wars, it saw a French army triumph against an English army led by their most able commander, Sir John Talbot, who lost his life in the battle. By 1453, the only English possession in mainland France was Calais (this was given up in the 1550s).

French victories in other phases of the Hundred Years War....

-Campaigns of Bertrand du Guesclin (1370-1380): A strategy of avoiding battle with the English pays huge dividends for de Guesclin, who ends up taking back nearly all of the territory lost by the French in the first phase of the war (ended by the Treaty of Bretigny).

-Battle of La Rochelle (1372): A Franco-Castilian naval victory leads to the end of English dominance in the English Channel.

In the Italian Wars...

-Battle of Agnadello (1509): The French destroy a Venetian army. This battle marks the fall of Venice as a great power.

-Battle of Marignano (1515): In one of the most significant engagements in French military history, the French under Francis I crush the hitherto invincible Swiss pikemen. Swiss power in Italy declines.

-Battle of Ceresole (1544): The French defeat an Imperial-Spanish army in Northern Italy.

In the Thirty Years War and the Franco-Spanish War...

-Battle of Rocroi (1643): Perhaps the second most important battle in the Thirty Years War after Breitenfeld, it sees the French under the Great Condé defeat the infamous Spanish tercios. There are about 4,000 French casualties and 7,500 Spanish. The battle marks the symbolic end of Spanish power in Europe and the resurgence of the French after decades of strife in the Religious Wars during the late sixteenth century.

-Battle of Nordlingen (1645): The French defeat an Imperial army.

-Battle of Lens (1648): The French defeat an Imperial army again; instrumental in ending the Thirty Years war.

-Battle of the Dunes (1658): An Anglo-French army defeats the Spanish and concludes the Franco-Spanish War in French favor.

The Wars of Louis XIV....

-War of Devolution (1667-1668): The French capture the Spanish Netherlands and overrun the Franche-Comté in a brilliant campaign by Condé.

-Franco-Dutch War (1672-1678): Although Anglo-French naval forces were held off at sea by the brilliant Dutch Admiral Michiel de Ruyter, the French army walked all over the United Provinces, taking Maastricht after a short siege and going on to capture Utrecht as well. By the end of the conflict, the French were given the large territory of Franche-Comté from Spain.

-War of the Reunions (1683-1684): French forces easily defeat Spanish troops in the Spanish Netherlands, capturing a number of cities.

The Nine Years War was a draw and the War of the Spanish Succession was somewhat of a French defeat, but France had victories in both of them....

-Battle of Fleurus (1690): The French under Marshal Luxembourg defeat an Anglo-Dutch army.

-Battle of Beachy Head (1690): The French inflict a significant naval defeat on a combined Anglo-Dutch navy.

-Battle of Landen (1693): A French army under Marshal Luxembourg heavily defeats an Anglo-Dutch army, inflicting 19,000 casualties out of 50,000.

-Battle of Denain (1712): Marshal Villars leads French forces to victory against the impeccable Eugene. (Note: In the final phases of the War of the Spanish Succession, the French were winning in Northern Italy, having driven the Austrians out, in Spain, having captured Barcelona, and in almost all other significant theaters).

War of the Austrian Succession (1740-1748)...

-Battle of Fontenoy (1745): The French under Maurice de Saxe defeat an Anglo-Austrian-Dutch-Hano verian army very severely.

-Battle of Roucoux (1746): The French under Maurice de Saxe defeat another one of those armies again.

-Battle of Lauffeld (1747): And again....

-Siege of Maastricht (1748): It all culminates in the fall of Maastricht, leaving an impressive seal on this fine campaign by Maurice de Saxe.

The Seven Years War (1756-1763) was a French defeat, but there was mild success in the European theater (victories in the North American theater will be covered in another section)...

-Battle of Hastenbeck (1757): The French defeat an English army in Germany.

American Revolutionary War (1776-1783)...

-Battle of Yorktown (1781): Franco-American forces besiege Cornwallis' army at Yorktown and force one of the most significant defeats in British military history.

-Battle of the Capes (1781): Although tactically indecisive, this naval battle was a huge strategic victory for the French as it prevented the British navy from resupplying Cornwallis.

French Revolutionary Wars (1792-1802)....

-Battle of Valmy (1792): There were only 500 casualties in this battle that is noted more for its artillery duel than any actual fighting. Nevertheless, it was a huge symbolic triumph and paved the way for the formation of the First Republic two days later (September 22, 1792).

-Siege of Toulon (1793): 10 British warships go up in flames as French forces led by (later) Dugommier, who was implementing the ideas of Napoleon Bonaparte, thoroughly squash counter-revolutionary activity.

-Battle of Fleurus (1794): A French army under Jourdan inflicts a crushing defeat on the Austrians. The victory allows French forces to overrun Belgium and the Netherlands.

-First Italian Campaign (1796-1797): A whirlwind tour de force, the Army of Italy under Napoleon Bonaparte repeatedly defeats larger Austrian forces, captures Mantua, and imposes the Treaty of Campo Formio on the Habsburgs, leaving France in control of Italy. Some important victories:

-Battle of Lodi (1796): The main Austrian army manages to escape, but the French crush the Austrian rearguard, inflicting 2,000 casualties.

-Battle of Castiglione (1796): The French defeat another Austrian army.

-Battle of Arcole (1796): And another....

-Battle of Rivoli (1797): And yet another...this is Napoleon's most spectacular victory up until 1797. 17,000 French troops defeat an Austrian army of 28,000, leaving the Austrians with 14,000 casualties at the cost of just 5,000 French losses.

Campo Formio ends the First Coalition with a resounding French victory....begin War of the Second Coalition (1798-1801)....

Egyptian Campaign (1798-1799)...

-Battle of the Pyramids (1798): Western-style tactics destroy an Egyptian army led by brave but foolish mamelukes. 6,000 Egyptian casualties vs. 300 French.

-Battle of Mount Tabor (1799): French forces hovering around 2,000 crush a Turkish army of 35,000 in the Levant.

-Battle of Abukir (1799): Napoleon marches his troops back to Egypt to defeat another Turkish force at Abukir, causing the loss of the entire Turkish army which had been ferried to Egypt by the Royal Navy. At this point, both the Army of Damascus and the Army of Rhodes have been defeated by the French, leaving Egypt momentarily secure from foreign invasions.

In Europe....

-Second Battle of Zurich (1799): French forces under Massena crush a Russian army in Switzerland, turning the tide of the war.

-Battle of Marengo (1800): French troops under Napoleon inflict a narrow but sufficient defeat on the Austrians under Melas.

-Battle of Hohenlinden (1800): The French under General Moreau sharply defeat an Austrian army led by Archduke John. The threat of an advance on Vienna prompts the Habsburgs to seek another peace treaty at Luneville. 1801 is the final year of the Second Coalition, which, like the first, was heavily defeated by the French. Britain makes peace in 1802 at the Treaty of Amiens.

Napoleonic Wars (1805-1815)....

War of the Third Coalition...

Ulm Maneuver (1805): A rapid march by the French army bags an entire Austrian army under the unfortunate Mack. At 2,000 French casualties, the French capture 60,000 Austrian troops.

Battle of Austerlitz (1805): French forces under Napoleon severely rout a Russo-Austrian army of equivalent strength. 27,000 Allied casualties vs. 9,000 French. The Third Coalition ends in another spectacular French victory when Austria signs the Treaty of Pressburg on December 26, 1805.

War of the Fourth Coalition....

-Prussian Campaign (1806): The French under Napoleon inflict the worst military defeat in Prussian history. By the end of the campaign, the Prussians have lost 25,000 killed and wounded, 140,000 captured, and over 2,000 cannon. Practically all of the Prussian army has been eliminated, although a few units do survive. Some important engagements:

-Battle of Jena (1806): The French crush a Prussian army, inflicting 25,000 casualties out of 38,000.

-Battle of Auerstadt (1806): 27,000 French troops under the legendary Marshal Davout defeat a Prussian army of 63,000. The Prussians break with 13,000 casualties and 115 captured guns. It is one of the most impressive tactical victories in all of the Napoleonic Wars.

-Polish Campaign (1807): The French defeat the Russian armies that were too late to help Prussia in 1806, bringing to an end two years of bloodshed on the European continent at Tilsit.

-Battle of Friedland (1807): French forces under Napoleon trounce a Russian army led by Bennigsen. 20,000 Russian casulaties vs. 8,000 French. The enormous victory leads to the Treaty of Tilsit and leaves France as the overwhelming military power on the European continent. End of the Fourth Coalition, once again in French victory.

War of the Fifth Coalition....

-Danube Campaign (1809): After a hard fight against a much better Austrian army, the French manage to impose yet another peace treaty on Vienna by the Autumn of 1809. Significant French victories:

-Battle of Eckmuhl (1809): The French defeat an Austrian army under Archduke Charles. 12,000 Austrian casualties vs. 6,000 French. The fall of Ratisbon after this battle leads the Austrian army to flee and abandon Vienna once more to French occupation.

-Battle of Wagram (1809): French forces under Napoleon defeat the Austrians at this massive two-day battle. It is not a spectacular victory, but the Austrians sue for peace nonetheless. 32,500 French casualties vs. 40,000 Austrian losses. End of the Fifth Coalition with yet another French victory; Peace of Schonbrunn redraws map and causes loss of 3 million people to the Austrian Empire.

Peninsular War, Russian invasion, War of the Sixth Coalition, and War of the Seventh Coalition were all French defeats, but there were a few prominent French victories in them.....

-Battle of Medellin (1809): French troops under Marshal Victor crush a Spanish army under Cuesta.

-Battle of Ocana (1809): French troops under Marshal Soult rout a larger Spanish army and take control of Southern Spain.

-Battle of Borodino (1812): A very mild victory by a multi-national army under Napoleon. 30,000 French casualties vs. 45,000 Russian. Kutuzov decides to retreat after the defeat and the road to Moscow is open.

-Battle of Dresden (1813): Even though in an ultimately losing effort, this battle was one of Napoleon's greatest victories. An outnumbered French army heavily defeats an Allied army converging on Dresden; 38,000 Allied casualties vs. 10,000 French.

-Six Days Campaign (1814): Napoleon takes a miniscule French army of 30,000 and inflicts 20,000 casualties on Blucher's 100,000-strong Prussian army.

-Battle of Ligny (1815): Napoleon's last victory. It could have been more impressive were it not for incompetent staffwork. 16,000 Prussian casualties vs. 11,500 French.

Waterloo ends Napoleonic Wars....begin modern period...

-Battle of Trocadero (1823): A French army defeats Spanish liberals who refuse to make Spain a monarchy.

-Crimean War (1864-1856): French, British, Sardinian, and Ottoman armies invade the Crimea to stop possible Russian expansionism in the Mediterranean. The war ends successfully for the Allies when Sevastopol is taken.

-Battle of Malakoff (1855): The decisive attacks on the Malakoff redoubts were made by French forces. The Russian position was now hopeless. Sevastopol fell and the war ended.

-Franco-Austrian War of 1859 (also known as the Second Risorgimento War, referring to the wars for Italian independence): 130,000 French troops join 70,000 Sardinian allies in permanently ending Austrian domination of Italy. After this victory, Italy becomes an independent nation in 1861.

-Battle of Solferino (1859): A gruesome battle which inspired the founding of the International Red Cross, Solferino saw the greatest Austrian defeat of the entire war. 22,000 Austrian casualties vs. 18,000 French. Napoleon III signed the Treaty of Villafranca to end the war and gained Nice and Savoy from Sardinia as recompense for the French efforts.

-World War I (1914-1918): The greatest conflict in human history up until that time, World War I saw French armies ultimately arrayed throughout the European continent in a manner not seen since Napoleonic times, from the Rhine in Germany to Hungary in the Balkans. Important conflicts:

-First Battle of the Marne (1914): 1.2 million French and British soldiers (1.1 million were French troops) defeat 1.5 millin German soldiers. 250,000 French casualties and 250,000 German. The Marne was the largest battle in human history when it was fought. Defeat there denied the Schlieffen Plan and may have been one of the most resounding strategic triumphs of the 20th century.

-Battle of Verdun (1916): Thinking he could "bleed the French white," Falkenhayn underestimated French resistance. In this epic struggle between France and Germany, French forces regain all initially lost positions. 380,000 French casualties vs. 340,000 German.

-Second Battle of the Marne (1918): What began as a German attack was transformed into a counter-attack by one of the finest commanders in the war: Ferdinand Foch. 24 French army divisions, backed by American, British, and Italian troops, inflicted a sharp reversal on the Germans, one which began a chain reaction of Allied victories that finally ended the war. 95,000 French casualties, 13,000 British, 12,000 American, and 170,000 German.

-Balkan Offensive (1918): Mainly French and British troops, led by French general d'Esperey, one of the greatest commanders of the war, broke through and overran nearly all of the Balkans by the time the armistice was signed.

World War I ends with the Treaty of Versailles. France becomes the most powerful nation in Europe once again and retrieves Alsace-Lorraine after losing it to the German states in the Franco-Prussian War.

-Ruhr Invasion (1923): French and Belgian troops invade and occupy the western part of Germany to enforce provisions of the Versailles treaty.

World War II was ultimately a French victory, but France was not decisive in bringing about that victory. However, French arms did have glorious moments throughout the war...

-Battle of Koufra (1941): Leclerc marches French colonial troops 1,500 miles and captures the heavily-defended Italian fort of El-Tag in the Koufra oasis with just one artillery gun.

-Northern France Campaign (1944): The French 2nd Armored Division under Leclerc conducts a whirlwind tour in this campaign, saving Paris and destroying the German 9th Panzer Division. The 2nd Division inflicts casualties of 4,500 dead and wounded, 8,800 captured, and causes the loss of 118 medium and heavy German tanks. The 2nd Division eventually ends its run in Berchtesgaden, Hitler's resort town in Bavaria.

-Operation Dragoon (1944): The French First Army under Tassigny liberates Marseilles and Toulon, causing thousands of German casualties.

French military action since World War II has generally been alliance-driven. For some of the more prominent instances, look up the Suez Crisis of 1956, the Gulf War of 1991 (participation of the French 6th Light Armored Division and the French Foreign Legion), the Kosovo War (participation of the French air force), the War in Afghanistan (naval Task Force 437).
 
So, you're saying that the Genoese weren't considered "Italian" and had nothing to do with Italy? I guess Columbus wasn't "Italian" either?

OK, then. Have a nice day.

(Backing away slowly.)

In the Roman era, Genoa was overshadowed by the powerful Marseille and Vada Sabatia, near modern Savona. Different from other Ligures and Celt settlements of the area, it was allied to Rome through a foedus aequum ("Equal pact") in the course of the Second Punic War. It was therefore destroyed by the Carthaginians in 209 BC. The town was rebuilt and, after the end of the Carthaginian Wars, received municipal rights. The original castrum thenceforth expanded towards the current areas of Santa Maria di Castello and the San Lorenzo promontory. Genoese trades included skins, wood, and honey. Goods were shipped in the mainland up to important cities like Tortona and Piacenza.

Marseille? Hmmm I wonder where that city is... China? ;)

Before that, the Greeks had Genoa. Point of this being that the french culture was anchored into Genoa LONG before the Italian culture was.
 
So, you're saying that the Genoese weren't considered "Italian" and had nothing to do with Italy? I guess Columbus wasn't "Italian" either?

OK, then. Have a nice day.

(Backing away slowly.)

Genoa became part of a unified Italy in 1861. Before that it was part of the Kingdom of Sardinia, and before that it was a French protectorate. Before that (when it owned Corsica) it was an independent state.
 
Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at that time in history, a Roman]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."



With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses:

Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

Andrew Ouellette posts this in response:

1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-

Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above:

Oh dear. We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's".

Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me:

Seven year War 1756-1763
Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following:

The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. This ended their colonialism. About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair.