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Happy Whatever

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by alembic76407, Dec 15, 2005.

  1. alembic76407


    Apr 29, 2004
    Sorry for the delay...our Legal Department just approved the following Holiday Greeting:

    Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non- addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious! secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform of the wishee.
    By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transfer able with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

    David T
  2. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Where's the return policy? Gotta have that!
  3. alembic76407


    Apr 29, 2004
    leave it to the legal department to leave that out
  4. Aw, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :p
  5. Brad Barker

    Brad Barker

    Apr 13, 2001
    berkeley, ca

    two years ago, i think, my aunt, a former legal librarian, wrote a card along with her gift to me in legal-ese. i think it was a "thank you note" exemption. :cool:

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Staff Member Supporting Member

    I would recommend seeking legal counsel if you plan on sharing that. :D
  7. :D

  8. Blackbird

    Blackbird Moderator Supporting Member

    Mar 18, 2000
    Uh oh. You're not gonna sue, are you? :eek:
  9. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    Is that wish copyrighted?
  10. JimmyM


    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Ampeg Amps, EMG Pickups
    I don't like the word "solstice." It makes me think of Wiccans, and that insults my religion. Please remove it from further displays of non-denominational holiday cheer.

    BTW, do any black people actually celebrate Kwanza? I know of none.
  11. They're not black, they're... uh...

    ... they're just not black people, ok?

    I hate PC.
  12. Bard2dbone


    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    This reminds me of something I posted elsewhere, but I think it's probably quicker to just re-write than find the other post.

    Several years back I had a friend who was in law school write up some blank contracts. And I carried one or two copies on me at nearly all times for a while. They were written out in what looked like fairly standard legal-ese, and said, basically that whoever wrote his name at the top and signed it at the bottom agreed to a certain predetermined debt in exchange for whatever I loaned them.

    So, basically if someone said "Hey Wayne, can I borrow a quarter for a soda?" I would whip out a contract and say "Sure. Sign here." And then they would sign that in exchange for, say a dollar, or soda money, that they owed me their eternal soul.

    I never got stiffed on any of those loans.

    And some people took them surprisingly seriously. One in particular owed me five bucks and held it out in front of me until I tore up the contract. Then he breathed a very audible sigh of apparent relief and handed me the money.
  13. Phil Mastro

    Phil Mastro

    Nov 18, 2004
    Tell me this person isn't one of your close friends.
  14. Bard2dbone


    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    former co-worker
  15. Mario Lewis

    Mario Lewis Supporting Member

    Jul 6, 2001
    Clinton, MD
    Yep. We do.
  16. JimmyM


    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Ampeg Amps, EMG Pickups
    Well Happy Kwanzaa, Mario! So tell me how it's celebrated. Do you exchange presents? Eat way too much? Or do you do something a little more sensible?
  17. Fo' Shizzle

    Fo' Shizzle

    Aug 28, 2003
    Counsel will stipulate to that with no further addendums....