Help me understand this mentality

[-Asdfgh-]

Some have indicated that narcissism is influenced by parental behavior in this way that @-Asdfgh- has mentioned. Narcissists often have parents who simultaneously belittle them and praise them. Often the praise is unjustified or for trivial achievements. The narcissists deal with the belittling by telling them everyone around them is a jerk, by aggrandizing their achievements and seeking negative supply. Negative supply (pleasure from hurting others) is a lot easier to get than the healthy forms of supply (true admiration for valid talents, true love, self-respect from exercising discipline, showing kindness in the face of bad treatment from others -- all the things empaths show). Think about it. If I want negative supply, all I have to do is walk up to any random person and insult them. I can hop on Facebook and make an inflammatory comment to someone I don't know. Often the effect is immediate. The other positive sources of supply take a significant amount of effort and often, the fulfilling effects aren't visible until a significant amount of time has passed, if ever. For the empath, often, virtue is its own reward with no external effects whatsoever.

Much of this is true, although my point was originally more that those with low self-esteem (e.g. those who are depressed) may seek out ways to defeat themselves such that the world matches their low self-esteem, or at least part of it. People are not simple in the sense that low self-esteem and belief in having worth may exist simultaneously. I can see why, in the past, people ascribed names such as ego and id to these various contradictory elements.

In terms of social media I can see how it could be a way to create a sort of superficial positive supply. That might be good, if an adjunct to positive supply in depth, e.g. get someone over a low point, but not as a substitute.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

In my experience, it’s the trifecta of panic, paralysis, and shame. Millennials are raised by sinecure these days, so when the poopie hits the fan, or they can’t deliver on something they’ve taken on, they don’t ask for help, they crumble.

Wasn't it Martin Seligman who wrote some of the seminal works on resilience? Perhaps they should be part of the school or college curriculum. School might be a bit to early to look at them, but maybe the last year of college with a bit more life experience might be a good time?

 

[Koshchei]

Wasn't it Martin Seligman who wrote some of the seminal works on resilience? Perhaps they should be part of the school or college curriculum. School might be a bit to early to look at them, but maybe the last year of college with a bit more life experience might be a good time?

They teach it in University in Canada, but it’s a bit late by then... better to start in kindergarten, where the stakes are low, and then keep pushing it, so that people systematize the idea of turning to one another when confronted by challenge or adversity.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

They teach it in University in Canada, but it’s a bit late by then... better to start in kindergarten, where the stakes are low, and then keep pushing it, so that people turn to one another when confronted by challenge.

Maybe. I am not sure you can really understand resilience until having a few knocks, but then if there's scientific evidence to suggest an earlier start is good then I'd be all for it. Of course that doesn't mean you can't have some basic stuff in school, more advanced stuff with life experience at college.

 

[Koshchei]

Maybe. I am not sure you can really understand resilience until having a few knocks, but then if there's scientific evidence to suggest an earlier start is good then I'd be all for it. Of course that doesn't mean you can't have some basic stuff in school, more advanced stuff with life experience at college.

The problem with starting as late as University is that the stakes are still high enough to provoke a mental health crisis in people with a latent tendency toward depression. Also, to a kindergartner, getting ice cream or paint on your Darth Vader action figure *is* a pretty hard knock...

 

[John j]

Brevity isn't a strong point for some folks.
They completely miss the reason for lack of communication. People aren't communicating with each other b/c of punishment for what is deemed 'inappropriate language.' They put a label of 'hate speech' to it, knowing the kneejerk reaction of fear will be to deny it, or keep it to themselves. They create a censored atmosphere, then complain about a lack of communication.

 

[ayseven]

Some people are just not very considerate of others. Why is beyond me, but even if we understand why, we are not well placed to help. That's for the professionals. Frustrating though it is.

 

[esoxhntr]

It's called "ghosting" and it seems to be SOP for younger folks who don't know how to deal with conflict since they've been raised online, where you can just log off and ignore what ever poop-storm you started.

And once again I have gained knowledge from having around TB. Thank you @getbent - i've been wondering for a while what "ghosting" was.

 

[TBird1958]

Enough with the Troll posts here, I'm more than happy to just close this.

 

[kaiwing Hung]

5G Superhighway to super hazardous to health. Games were made these days would let you get experienced. Getting more and more experienced and you may get sick of it. Then you turn ghosting about it to finish the game. More new game came up and super faster time you want to finish it. You would know the consequences.
You would need to abandon phones right now and do a security job in a big mall to correct the behavior.

 

[kaiwing Hung]

Asking for a trophy that means they had finished the game as an presentation.

 

[John j]

They teach it in University in Canada, but it’s a bit late by then... better to start in kindergarten, where the stakes are low, and then keep pushing it, so that people systematize the idea of turning to one another when confronted by challenge or adversity.

Good points, but you don't necessarily have to get it in school.
Baseball is good practice for resilience. You fail 7 times out of 10, and you're a good hitter.
Musically, I think it was summed up best on the sight reading thread. The instructor said the biggest reason people get frustrated is that they fear making mistakes. He tells students to catch whatever notes you can first time through. Next run, get a few more.
Think about the videos you see of people's playing ability. Logically, you know there are people at different levels from, say 1to 5 stars.
But what do you see posted? 4 or 5 star levels. Is that an atmosphere that encourages people to persevere?

 

[kaiwing Hung]

That's right talent, musical talented could finish a good album. In playing music there is a training in this goal settings.

 

[kaiwing Hung]

I guess David Bowie is explaining something

 

[TBird1958]

Closed for replies per OP request, thread has run it's course.