Help me understand this mentality

[merseymale]

Millenials are the kids of generation X, not baby boomers.
Everyone needs to stop giving any sense to the generation naming crap.

Yeah! Let’s just stick to Horoscopes!



(Is this thing On?)

 

[John j]

Back to the op.
The answer seems simple enough.
Miss two meetings, write them off next man up.
May be the only reason you're struggling with this, is the next man up isn't as good as this one that ghosted you.

 

[Nickweissmusic]

+1 but IS It ghosting…?

As far as I’m aware, what is being described is ghosting but when the person then doing the ghosting suddenly reappears and acts as if nothing has happened?!

+1 but IS It ghosting…?

As far as I’m aware, what is being described is ghosting but when the person then doing the ghosting suddenly reappears and acts as if nothing has happened?!

There are different degrees of narcissism. Some ghosts aren’t doing much harm, they just don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of rejecting someone, it’s selfish but at least they’re kind enough not to get in your hair again. The ones who come back and pretend all is hunky Dory? That’s some high level narcissism right there!

In your personal life one needs self esteem to reject these advances, in business that’s known as “savvy ” In my wedding business, it’s a little more important that there is rapport and respect between myself and the clients, since will be working together closely on a very personal project. If somebody doesn’t get back to me because they’ve gone with another vendor, that’s fine, and it’s extra polite when they let me know they’ve gone another direction, but I don’t expect that. It’s a different story when you’ve met with the client, had positive communication, and then the radio goes silent. After 2 unanswered attempts, I’m done, thanks to my first experience with ghosts several years back. And while it’s only happened a handful of times in my decade or so in this business, when they come back in a month or two, invariably, they have not apologized or acknowledged we had an agreement in place. Come to think of it, it’s kinda weird how they’re wired so similarly. My response is generally quite satisfying: “oh sure, I remember you, I see we had a contract here but it was cancelled when your deposit wasn’t received. Unfortunately I’m no longer available. Thanks and congrats on your wedding!” They’re few and far between but those are little moments to savor Hey, never said I was above a little pettiness

 

[Allatoona Rebel]

I was wondering if people would help me understand this mentality. This was inspired by a thread going that contained a passing comment about a drummer who was recording an album and then just stopped answering texts email and phone calls-- leaving the album unfinished and the band wondering, and finally, folding.

This is the mentality I don't get -- and I've seen it multiple times

1. A student of mine accepted the position of President of a student organization. He functioned for about 6 months, and then stopped answering all phone calls, texts and emails from myself (his adviser/mentor), and the dedicated, top notch students on his executive team. We eventually removed him as president after several months of silence. We advised him after suitable warnings via email and text to look for the email about his assumed resignation. He did not respond to phone messages. No response to text or email either.

About three months later, he called me out of the blue, mentioned nothing about his radio silence, and then asked me for a reference for his resume.

When I asked him about the lack of communication after accepting such a high profile position, he didn't have an answer I could quote. It was general whitewash. There was no emergency, nothing, just a request for a reference. When I indicated I couldn't give a reference due to the way he abandoned a high profile, professional position, he argued the point, indicating I knew about his other quality work and leadership in classes and could recommend on that. I held my ground and indicated that his abandonment of his position, without communication or reasonable explanation made it impossible for me to be a positive reference. I also indicated I was surprised he was asking me for a reference after that. It was a polite conversation, but one that floored me.

2. I spent about 2 hours helping a social media consultant with questions about how to break into my profession, and gave her an opportunity to speak to my class and get some classroom experience. She took the help and opportunities.

As apparent reciprocation, she agreed to help me promote a project involving social media (Today's Jazz Book). We had two phone meetings, and made mutual assignments. She didn't show up for the third meeting, and has simply stopped answering phone and texts. I know she's getting them, as they aren't coming back undeliverable, but she has simply chosen not to respond.

A. If anyone has done this -- simply stopped communicating with otherwise reasonable people who have made a joint commitment to a project, musical or otherwise, I am willing to listen, without criticism. I want to understand the thought processes involved in simply stopping all communication when a commitment has been made.

B. Also, is there anything others can do to pre-empt this kind of response to a project when you sign on to a commitment of some kind, musical, or otherwise, to prevent this kind of hard landing to a project?

I see this as a younger generation thing, as both were in their mid to late 20's. I don't see it from older people unless there is a technology hiccup, lost phone, deleted email account, viruses, lost phone contact lists or other valid reasons.

Help to understand the thought process is welcome. I have trouble fathoming it.

People today are entirely self-centered. All they care about are themselves. The only time they are interested in anybody else, is when they can use them. Once they are done with you, they toss you aside like an orange peel. I've had people do this who weren't even in the music business. I helped get them the promotion they wanted, and once comfortably in it, disowned not only me, but everyone in the department who helped him/her get a better position. I guess its just a sign of the times. Several generations have passed since Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, and Hitler seized nearly all of Europe. People today have never had to give of themselves, never had to sacrifice, never had to put anything above themselves, so the concept of give and take is totally foreign to them.

 

[thetragichero]

 

[Cliff Colton]

Maybe it’s a regional problem because everyone I meet is really nice.

 

[BB300]

I was wondering if people would help me understand this mentality. This was inspired by a thread going that contained a passing comment about a drummer who was recording an album and then just stopped answering texts email and phone calls-- leaving the album unfinished and the band wondering, and finally, folding.

This is the mentality I don't get -- and I've seen it multiple times

1. A student of mine accepted the position of President of a student organization. He functioned for about 6 months, and then stopped answering all phone calls, texts and emails from myself (his adviser/mentor), and the dedicated, top notch students on his executive team. We eventually removed him as president after several months of silence. We advised him after suitable warnings via email and text to look for the email about his assumed resignation. He did not respond to phone messages. No response to text or email either.

About three months later, he called me out of the blue, mentioned nothing about his radio silence, and then asked me for a reference for his resume.

When I asked him about the lack of communication after accepting such a high profile position, he didn't have an answer I could quote. It was general whitewash. There was no emergency, nothing, just a request for a reference. When I indicated I couldn't give a reference due to the way he abandoned a high profile, professional position, he argued the point, indicating I knew about his other quality work and leadership in classes and could recommend on that. I held my ground and indicated that his abandonment of his position, without communication or reasonable explanation made it impossible for me to be a positive reference. I also indicated I was surprised he was asking me for a reference after that. It was a polite conversation, but one that floored me.

2. I spent about 2 hours helping a social media consultant with questions about how to break into my profession, and gave her an opportunity to speak to my class and get some classroom experience. She took the help and opportunities.

As apparent reciprocation, she agreed to help me promote a project involving social media (Today's Jazz Book). We had two phone meetings, and made mutual assignments. She didn't show up for the third meeting, and has simply stopped answering phone and texts. I know she's getting them, as they aren't coming back undeliverable, but she has simply chosen not to respond.

A. If anyone has done this -- simply stopped communicating with otherwise reasonable people who have made a joint commitment to a project, musical or otherwise, I am willing to listen, without criticism. I want to understand the thought processes involved in simply stopping all communication when a commitment has been made.

B. Also, is there anything others can do to pre-empt this kind of response to a project when you sign on to a commitment of some kind, musical, or otherwise, to prevent this kind of hard landing to a project?

I see this as a younger generation thing, as both were in their mid to late 20's. I don't see it from older people unless there is a technology hiccup, lost phone, deleted email account, viruses, lost phone contact lists or other valid reasons.

Help to understand the thought process is welcome. I have trouble fathoming it.

Ironically, it's Mental Health Month.

 

[John j]

Maybe it’s a regional problem because everyone I meet is really nice.

Does that include your Labralion?

 

[togril]

I don't buy into the idea that iPhones and screen time are the scourge of the new generation. For as long as there have been books and literacy, people have been diving into their own little worlds as a form of escapism. We used to celebrate those people because we viewed them as imaginative. We encourage kids to read, but somehow looking at words on a screen is bad for them. I think this is just one more thing that one generation doesn't understand and another embraces. Not so different from that horseless carriage or flying machine. We can raise an angry fist toward change all we want, but change will happen anyway.

View attachment 3399289

Well said. Well said. I have taught young adults and also in indigenous colleges. I am 57 and my career was in games design and feature film 3D animation and effects ie: cutting edge tech. Reading so many of the comments here it’s no wonder so many young people turn away. I have met many gifted young people, REALLY GIFTED - both sides of their brain firing off instead of the old fashioned left or right dominant. I suggest using contracts, and accepting like anything there will be a percentage of losses. Talk on their terms, realise you are an old git and carry on. I DO believe this negativity is more prevalent in certain countries. Also, if people dont like this modern tec, stop inventing and hard selling it to our youth. Lol. Anyway, was just a bit alarmed on the negative nonsense (in many cases) based on two examples.

 

[Cliff Colton]

Does that include your Labralion?

It’s not mine. I’m borrowing it from another member.

 

[Nashrakh]

Social neoclassicism in the 21s century:

Instead of a newspaper, a cuppa coffe and a cigarette in the morning, the kids swipe left on their phone, vape strawberry mint and shotgun their energy drinks. Basically the same old same old, but in new packaging. I think the same applies to ghosting.

 

[John j]

It’s not mine. I’m borrowing it from another member.

On this forum?

 

[Dudley]

PauFerro, from the way you're putting this problem forward, I get the feeling you might be too intense about these things. Maybe you're taking these relationships too seriously, getting too involved and thereby putting people off? As someone else has suggested - it might be you. Perhaps time to lighten up/back off. As for fathoming it, sure, these people have been rude and insensitive, but that's how A LOT of people are. Accept that, put it behind you and move on. After you've deleted them from all accounts...

 

[merseymale]

PauFerro, from the way you're putting this problem forward, I get the feeling you might be too intense about these things. Maybe you're taking these relationships too seriously, getting too involved and thereby putting people off? As someone else has suggested - it might be you. Perhaps time to lighten up/back off. As for fathoming it, sure, these people have been rude and insensitive, but that's how A LOT of people are. Accept that, put it behind you and move on. After you've deleted them from all accounts...

This

(I recognise myself in this too...)

 

[merseymale]

Maybe it’s a regional problem because everyone I meet is really nice.

Must be the company they keep!

 

[Jack Larson]

I was wondering if people would help me understand this mentality. This was inspired by a thread going that contained a passing comment about a drummer who was recording an album and then just stopped answering texts email and phone calls-- leaving the album unfinished and the band wondering, and finally, folding.

This is the mentality I don't get -- and I've seen it multiple times

1. A student of mine accepted the position of President of a student organization. He functioned for about 6 months, and then stopped answering all phone calls, texts and emails from myself (his adviser/mentor), and the dedicated, top notch students on his executive team. We eventually removed him as president after several months of silence. We advised him after suitable warnings via email and text to look for the email about his assumed resignation. He did not respond to phone messages. No response to text or email either.

About three months later, he called me out of the blue, mentioned nothing about his radio silence, and then asked me for a reference for his resume.

When I asked him about the lack of communication after accepting such a high profile position, he didn't have an answer I could quote. It was general whitewash. There was no emergency, nothing, just a request for a reference. When I indicated I couldn't give a reference due to the way he abandoned a high profile, professional position, he argued the point, indicating I knew about his other quality work and leadership in classes and could recommend on that. I held my ground and indicated that his abandonment of his position, without communication or reasonable explanation made it impossible for me to be a positive reference. I also indicated I was surprised he was asking me for a reference after that. It was a polite conversation, but one that floored me.

2. I spent about 2 hours helping a social media consultant with questions about how to break into my profession, and gave her an opportunity to speak to my class and get some classroom experience. She took the help and opportunities.

As apparent reciprocation, she agreed to help me promote a project involving social media (Today's Jazz Book). We had two phone meetings, and made mutual assignments. She didn't show up for the third meeting, and has simply stopped answering phone and texts. I know she's getting them, as they aren't coming back undeliverable, but she has simply chosen not to respond.

A. If anyone has done this -- simply stopped communicating with otherwise reasonable people who have made a joint commitment to a project, musical or otherwise, I am willing to listen, without criticism. I want to understand the thought processes involved in simply stopping all communication when a commitment has been made.

B. Also, is there anything others can do to pre-empt this kind of response to a project when you sign on to a commitment of some kind, musical, or otherwise, to prevent this kind of hard landing to a project?

I see this as a younger generation thing, as both were in their mid to late 20's. I don't see it from older people unless there is a technology hiccup, lost phone, deleted email account, viruses, lost phone contact lists or other valid reasons.

Help to understand the thought process is welcome. I have trouble fathoming it.

 

[Jack Larson]

I see this even in the early stages of trying to connect. People post ads looking for someone to jam with/start a band with/play with/etc., and when one replies, nothing. It’s like, a simple “shag you” would suffice. Why do people post and then not reply at all to the responses? Especially when they say they’re looking for ABC, and you say, “Hi, I’m ABC,” and it’s crickets. Weird. Nope, I don’t know what the mentality is ...

 

[MordBass]

People today are entirely self-centered. All they care about are themselves. The only time they are interested in anybody else, is when they can use them. Once they are done with you, they toss you aside like an orange peel. I've had people do this who weren't even in the music business. I helped get them the promotion they wanted, and once comfortably in it, disowned not only me, but everyone in the department who helped him/her get a better position. I guess its just a sign of the times. Several generations have passed since Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, and Hitler seized nearly all of Europe. People today have never had to give of themselves, never had to sacrifice, never had to put anything above themselves, so the concept of give and take is totally foreign to them.

I'm fairly confident that people being self centered and caring only about themselves is just little bit older than "people today". Ya know... maybe its a few thousand years that people have been like that?

 

[-Asdfgh-]

I'm fairly confident that people being self centered and caring only about themselves is just little bit older than "people today". Ya know... maybe its a few thousand years that people have been like that?

It was mentioned in texts almost as text existed, or at least as soon as text progressed beyond lists of goods traded. Maybe the next phase was 'That Igbar of Tyre, what a flaky, self-centered trader he is!'

 

[crguti]

what i don't understand is the mentality of being just a cover band.