Don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of “good”.—-Voltaire
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How do you stop over-criticizing yourself?
- Thread starter Fender05
- Start date
Isolate the problems one at a time. Get back under the headphones and fix it. There are no shortcuts. Oh and never read your own press or listen to your playbacks. That helps immensely.
This exactly. I've felt similarly before and zooming in on this really helped iron out my perspective. It's amazing what rehearsing one part of a song repeatedly can add to your overall effect.
Also, we are hardest on ourselves. I think of flubs I make when playing live, and they really aren't noticed as much as one's sense of timing. Sure, my playing isn't the most dynamically even on certain songs so I'll use a little more compression until I'm more comfortable with the material!
I'm so grateful to a piano instructor I had more than 50 years ago ... he taught me to listen. He'd make me HEAR the difference between a Gm and Gm7 ... and all the permutations of those chords. Likewise, "Can you hear when the diminished resolves to the five?" ... that kinda stuff. It helps to have been blessed with a "good ear", but even a good ear needs to be trained.
Yes. And I practice slowly to try and improve one of those demons at a time.
It's good you're like that... better than thinking you're infallible when you're only human!
In my case, I read some psych theories on performance.
I was always the type who criticized myself harshly. Like you, if someone complemented me, I took it as simply being nice, or an uninformed opinion (they only think I did well because they don't know what to actually look for). From reading various theories from the sports-world, I've learned to look at things (or try to) from a different angle.
Rather than focus on what I did poorly, I focus on what I did well. I try to say "Wow - I've certainly improved / excelled in this area. Now, let me adjust my practice so that I will master another area." It is never "Damn, I suck. I need to stop sucking!" I address the deficiencies by setting an expectation that I will strive toward, while reminding myself of the things I have already accomplished. I didn't fail - I discovered a new challenge to overcome. When you see high-level performers who might seem a little arrogant, it is likely them working to overcome their own insecurities on the same way.
Another technique, although perhaps more appropriate for the competition that I do, involves avoiding small-talk about your performance, or another's. Unless I am speaking to someone who actually can improve my performance, I avoid input that could sabotage my performance / psyche. Even comments that are, prima facie, innocuous, can throw you off. Someone talking about how hot it is up on stage, or how the lighting sucks, or whatever else, can distract you. Someone talking about the things they did poorly usually elicits a response like "well, I screw up, too", which shifts your focus toward the negative. On the flip-side, listening to someone brag can make you think you have an unrealistic standard to live up to. Just listen to people whose opinions you really value, and try to avoid critique before a performance. If you do speak of your own performance, don't complain. If you are afraid of sounding arrogant for being too positive, just talk about what a good time you had, or something that doesn't directly address your performance.
I still beat myself up, but I'm finding it easier to focus on the positive, and I suspect I'll continue to get better at being positive. It does seem to help approach things with the expectation of improvement, rather than with anger, and expectations of defeat.
There are other theories that go more into how to structure your practice, and relax before your performance, as well.
I was always the type who criticized myself harshly. Like you, if someone complemented me, I took it as simply being nice, or an uninformed opinion (they only think I did well because they don't know what to actually look for). From reading various theories from the sports-world, I've learned to look at things (or try to) from a different angle.
Rather than focus on what I did poorly, I focus on what I did well. I try to say "Wow - I've certainly improved / excelled in this area. Now, let me adjust my practice so that I will master another area." It is never "Damn, I suck. I need to stop sucking!" I address the deficiencies by setting an expectation that I will strive toward, while reminding myself of the things I have already accomplished. I didn't fail - I discovered a new challenge to overcome. When you see high-level performers who might seem a little arrogant, it is likely them working to overcome their own insecurities on the same way.
Another technique, although perhaps more appropriate for the competition that I do, involves avoiding small-talk about your performance, or another's. Unless I am speaking to someone who actually can improve my performance, I avoid input that could sabotage my performance / psyche. Even comments that are, prima facie, innocuous, can throw you off. Someone talking about how hot it is up on stage, or how the lighting sucks, or whatever else, can distract you. Someone talking about the things they did poorly usually elicits a response like "well, I screw up, too", which shifts your focus toward the negative. On the flip-side, listening to someone brag can make you think you have an unrealistic standard to live up to. Just listen to people whose opinions you really value, and try to avoid critique before a performance. If you do speak of your own performance, don't complain. If you are afraid of sounding arrogant for being too positive, just talk about what a good time you had, or something that doesn't directly address your performance.
I still beat myself up, but I'm finding it easier to focus on the positive, and I suspect I'll continue to get better at being positive. It does seem to help approach things with the expectation of improvement, rather than with anger, and expectations of defeat.
There are other theories that go more into how to structure your practice, and relax before your performance, as well.
If you really want to come to grips with your mind, meditation is the tool. Might as well throw in some yoga while you are at it.
You can still listen back and evaluate what you like and don’t like, but skip the self flagellation.
I don’t feel the need to criticize myself over much of anything, I’ve got people who are happy take care of that for me.
You can still listen back and evaluate what you like and don’t like, but skip the self flagellation.
I don’t feel the need to criticize myself over much of anything, I’ve got people who are happy take care of that for me.
Get a teacher and pay them to do it for you.
Maybe some of the self criticism is warranted so you need a structured program to get over whatever is wrong.
Maybe it's not and someone should help you focus on more pressing issues.
Maybe some of the self criticism is warranted so you need a structured program to get over whatever is wrong.
Maybe it's not and someone should help you focus on more pressing issues.
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Just had this a week or two ago. On first listen I was convinced I would need to re-record a bass line. My bandmates all said it sounded good. I trust them and their ears, and reminded myself this is their music too. If it was bad, they would tell me. I listened to it again (not immediately, which I think is key) with less critical ears, and my bass part was actually OK. What's OK to me is good to the band, so the part is staying. It is extra motivation to do better when I play it live though!
Sigh....yeah, I have this, and not just when it comes to playing bass. I can totally relate.
I don't have an answer for you, as I'm in the same boat, but I did read a reddit post recently that touched upon something similar, and there was a throwaway comment that said something about being objective when thinking about this type of stuff. I don't remember the exact comment or anything, but "be objective" stuck with me, and I've been trying to hold that thought when I'm on the verge of a thought spiral.
I actually decided to write down some of my thoughts about my bass playing. I wrote "My timing is bad", crossed it out, and then wrote "This specific fill at this point in the song is rushed and could be closer to tempo." I wrote "I suck at bass", crossed it out, and then wrote "My phrasing lacks nuance and can improve", along with "My notes don't always extend to their full value". These are things I am not happy about, but they are objective observations and are thus actionable to some degree - but further, they're objective things, not just the blanket "god dammit, I shaging suck so much" thought spiral. I'm still working on this.
I dunno. I thought I'd add my two cents as someone who is working through the same things. It does suck.
I don't have an answer for you, as I'm in the same boat, but I did read a reddit post recently that touched upon something similar, and there was a throwaway comment that said something about being objective when thinking about this type of stuff. I don't remember the exact comment or anything, but "be objective" stuck with me, and I've been trying to hold that thought when I'm on the verge of a thought spiral.
I actually decided to write down some of my thoughts about my bass playing. I wrote "My timing is bad", crossed it out, and then wrote "This specific fill at this point in the song is rushed and could be closer to tempo." I wrote "I suck at bass", crossed it out, and then wrote "My phrasing lacks nuance and can improve", along with "My notes don't always extend to their full value". These are things I am not happy about, but they are objective observations and are thus actionable to some degree - but further, they're objective things, not just the blanket "god dammit, I shaging suck so much" thought spiral. I'm still working on this.
I dunno. I thought I'd add my two cents as someone who is working through the same things. It does suck.
I play in a duo, the singer guitarist foots all the bills, I'm just a side man.
He has a couple of (live) covers that we have done on Spotify that I am almost ashamed to admit that I have played on. He doesn't hear my mistakes, I'm pretty sure it is only other bassist who would.
Self evaluation is good. Without it, there is little chance for growth.
Self punishment is bad. With it, there is little chance for life.
You are not your failures, or your successes, they exist as part of the things around you... but they are not you.
Treat yourself like someone you love. Help them. Nurture them. Let them grow in the ways they see best.
You are worthy of your own love.
Self punishment is bad. With it, there is little chance for life.
You are not your failures, or your successes, they exist as part of the things around you... but they are not you.
Treat yourself like someone you love. Help them. Nurture them. Let them grow in the ways they see best.
You are worthy of your own love.
Its like hearing yourself sing. You sound awful, or watching a video of yourself walking. You look like a drunk giraffe.
Timing, I struggle with it the most. Sometimes your timing being off is made worse by the other musicians playing style. The guy I play bass for plays a few sings with a 'not like the original' beat. Makes my timing issues worse.
Timing, I struggle with it the most. Sometimes your timing being off is made worse by the other musicians playing style. The guy I play bass for plays a few sings with a 'not like the original' beat. Makes my timing issues worse.
Not everybody is being way too nice. If other musicians keep hiring you for gigs then they like something about your playing.
The way to get past it is difficult, any time you hear that inner voice putting yourself down immediately start practicing. It's so much easier to just sit down, pop open a brewski and watch TV or listen to some tunes, next thing you know another few hours that you could have spent practicing have been lost.
There are alternatives to immediately practicing that I read espoused by guitarist Mick Goodrick in his book "The Advancing Guitarist" (a very interesting book, even for bass players). Check out some items from his list:
Feeling "Stale"?
Things to try when you feel stale, (about your playing or music):
Feed a loaf (or two) of bread to some pigeons, ducks, sea gulls, or other birds.
lmagine a time or circumstance where you could never play the guitar again.
Go for a long walk.
Cry.
Stop playing the guitar and/or listening to music for 1,2, 3,4, 5, 6, or 7 days.
Stop playing the guitar, but listen to a lot of music for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7 days.
Change the strings on your guitar and polish it.
In other words, it's mostly psychological and you need to get in touch with what you love about playing music again. Then you will want to practice.
If you have no idea what to practice or how to get rid of bad playing habits, go take some lessons with a teacher who is willing to focus on specifics. For instance, I once went to a teacher and explained that there were certain tunes I was playing on gigs that always felt uncomfortable to play. He asked me to play them for him and was able to pinpoint my problem as improper string muting and not being able to tell when I was rushing or dragging. He came up with some exercises to work on and I got over that hump.
The other thing that teacher told me that I had trouble believing at the time was that it was OK to come to a lesson with last week's material not nailed 100%. That's not the same thing as not practicing, it's just not mastering it within one week. Sure enough I would notice a few months later things popping out on gigs that I could never have played before. After all, most practice exercises like running scales are not "real music" they are for development of muscle memory and ear training.
Saxophonist David Liebman once said in an interview that he had so many students wanting to study with him that he could only give each one a day long lesson including a notebook full of things to work on. He stated that there was enough in that notebook to keep the studnt going for years. I can understand that, it's important to learn how to learn. Then if you have issues with your playing you can figure out how to go about fixing it. It might be getting recordings to transcribe, working through specific books, watching videos, asking some friends if you can come visit to jam with them on some tunes they know and you don't, etc. Even the greatest players still practice, you know.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
With anything you care about, you will notice every flaw. I made some custom built in bookshelves in our house. I see every flaw, other people see a very nice piece of work. Never stop trying to improve, but understand you will never stop improving.
I think that is often the case. What I think is a huge gaff in my timing, someone else blames the drummer! ^_^
More from Mick Goodrick's book:
On Being Self-Critical
Students tend to think that eventually, after they learn whatever it is that they think they need to know (or they can do whatever it is they think they need to be able to do), they won't feel insecure anymore. This thinking amounts to wishing that you didn't dislike your playing so much. lt's fantasizing that things will gradually change for the better.
Well, as good as it sounds on paper, it seldom (if ever) happens. ln fact, it tends to get worse. lf you start off being critical, you tend to remain that way, and more than likely, along with everything else, your criticalness will improve. lf you try to deny your criticalness, that messes you up, because it amounts to lying. lf you become critical of your criticalness, it's the same thing removed one step. lf you think, "l shouldn't be so critical of myself" you're into 'What should be" instead of 'What is." My experience has shown me that being into "what is" is infinitely superior to being into "what should be."
However, it's not as easy. (We all seem to love to get lost in "what should be"!) Being self-critical actually has a lot to be said for it. People who are self-critical tend to improve in music because they always seem to see so many things to work on. They tend not to get involved in overly developed egos. They tend to be much less critical of everyone else. Often, they are compassionate.
Being self-critical also seems to involve a lot of attention paid to detail. I think you can see that this sort of thing is very important in music. Of course, some people seem to go overboard in this direction. That's a tough path to go because too much attention paid to detail can be stifling in music, especially improvised music. Other things are important, too. Sometimes these other things have nothing at all to do with paying attention to detail; in fact, they might even appear to be exactly the opposite of it. So, as often happens, the idea of balance emerges.
On Being Self-Critical
Students tend to think that eventually, after they learn whatever it is that they think they need to know (or they can do whatever it is they think they need to be able to do), they won't feel insecure anymore. This thinking amounts to wishing that you didn't dislike your playing so much. lt's fantasizing that things will gradually change for the better.
Well, as good as it sounds on paper, it seldom (if ever) happens. ln fact, it tends to get worse. lf you start off being critical, you tend to remain that way, and more than likely, along with everything else, your criticalness will improve. lf you try to deny your criticalness, that messes you up, because it amounts to lying. lf you become critical of your criticalness, it's the same thing removed one step. lf you think, "l shouldn't be so critical of myself" you're into 'What should be" instead of 'What is." My experience has shown me that being into "what is" is infinitely superior to being into "what should be."
However, it's not as easy. (We all seem to love to get lost in "what should be"!) Being self-critical actually has a lot to be said for it. People who are self-critical tend to improve in music because they always seem to see so many things to work on. They tend not to get involved in overly developed egos. They tend to be much less critical of everyone else. Often, they are compassionate.
Being self-critical also seems to involve a lot of attention paid to detail. I think you can see that this sort of thing is very important in music. Of course, some people seem to go overboard in this direction. That's a tough path to go because too much attention paid to detail can be stifling in music, especially improvised music. Other things are important, too. Sometimes these other things have nothing at all to do with paying attention to detail; in fact, they might even appear to be exactly the opposite of it. So, as often happens, the idea of balance emerges.
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