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How do you view your band members?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Helaskold, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. Helaskold

    Helaskold 100% Mediocre

    Jul 22, 2012
    Austin, TX
    Reading some of Blue's posts, it got me thinking... I've never even entertained the idea of not being/becoming close friends with my bandmates, but it seems that some people consider their fellow band members to simply be work associates.

    I'm the kind of guy that joins a band BECAUSE of the band relationships you can build. The idea of being a close group touring, playing music, and experiencing life together has always been one of the driving factors in taking my music out of the bedroom.

    How do you guys see your band members? Do you form a tight-knit brotherhood (or sisterhood) with your band, or are you simply show-up-and-play coworkers?
  2. JohnMCA72


    Feb 4, 2009
    Unless it's somebody I already know, I consider a band full of strangers to be co-workers. As with co-workers in any other job, sometimes the relationship evolves into friendship, & sometimes it doesn't.
  3. +1

    Right now, in my five-piece band, I'm very close to one. Kinda close to another. And merely acquaintances with the other two. I don't see those two turning into true friendships anytime soon, but we have respect for each other and get along well.
  4. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Arthur - He's 24, I'm 49. I love the guy, and I want to see him be successful. Are we friends? I think so. Being that I'm the exact age of his dad, I doubt he considers me a "buddy." I do think of him as family.

    Krystal - What can I say? I've been married to her for 12 years.

    The Many Drummers - We had some that didn't like me. We had some that didn't like Krystal. I prefer the fair-minded ones; that is, the ones who didn't like either of us. Those were my favorites. They guy we have filling in? He used to date Krystal, and was at our wedding. I don't know him well, but I do like jamming with him.

    Overall, it's great when you can be friends, but it's more important to me that we have MUSICAL CHEMISTRY. If you and I can groove together, you are as much a friend as I'm really looking for, for the most part. Nothing makes me happier than a good, tight jam.
  5. Mudcat35


    Feb 21, 2009
    Austin, TX
    My bandmates are my business partners. They may also be my friends, but they don't have to be.
  6. Floyd Eye

    Floyd Eye Banned

    Feb 21, 2010
    St. Louis
    My bandmates are like my brothers.
  7. klokker


    Jan 7, 2009
    Steele City, NE
    I'd say my bandmates are friends, but not close friends. That is to say, if the band breaks up we wouldn't get together again.

    We're a group of people that likes to play music and gig at bars and have a good time. Without that, it's over.
  8. Kmonk


    Oct 18, 2012
    South Shore, Massachusetts
    Endorsing Artist: Fender, Spector, Ampeg, Curt Mangan Strings, Nordstrand Pickups, Korg Keyboards
    I agree. I have known our guitar player for over 30 years. He and I talk almost every day. We basically run the band together. I only talk with the rest of the band at rehearsals.

    My first band was a group of high school friends. We gigged 5 nights per week for about 4 years and are still friends. I've known three of the members of that band for 40 years and we still keep in touch.

    I have been in bands where I didn't know anyone prior to the first rehearsal. In almost every case once the band ended I never saw them again.

    I once joined a band with people I had never met before the audition. The keyboard player and I hit it off right away and have been friends for more than 10 years. We created a production company and have done music for television and a couple of movies.

    It's nice if you develop a friendship but I don't consider it a major concern. As long as they have a professional attitude and are well prepared that's really all that matters.
  9. pushbuttonfour


    Dec 20, 2012
    I guess it depends. I usually find that someone who wasn't my friend joining the band becomes my friend, and someone who is a really good friend joining the band can actually drift apart because of disagreements and the stress of working so closely together.
  10. I guess it depends on why the band is being formed and whether or not people were friends beforehand.

    My original bands were formed out of friendship, and I prefer it that way.

    Some others are formed like business ventures, with people coming together because of necessary skills and common goals. They may or may not become friends after the fact.

    So it just depends on the people and their reasons and goals for coming together.
  11. DWBass

    DWBass The Funkfather

    Funny.....I've never been close to any bandmate ever in all my years of playing!
  12. I've only been in my band for a couple months but we're friends and we've hung out outside of practice a couple times.

    The guitar player in my old band and I remain great friends... Snowboard buddies, fishing buddies, drinking buddies.That sort of thing.

    A band has never been a "business" for me though. Hell, sometimes it's not even my #1 hobby. Life gets in the way and I feel like I'm lucky to be able to take time to make music when I can.
  13. Marko 1

    Marko 1 Supporting Member

    Mar 9, 2009
    N.E. Ohio
    It seems natural to become buddy-friends with the others in the band.

    I think it’s typically a fake-ish kind of friendship though, where one member won’t support the other if there becomes an issue that might challenge their own security, or even anything that’s for “the good of the band/music”, and if the band breaks up, the relationship kinda dies real quick.

    Last band was with a long-time buddy of mine and two of my coworkers with whom I got along fine at work. Two years of steady gigging and I finally had enough of the gui**** and the band crashed in a most-ugly way. Because I’m cool, I’m able to still get along with him at work, especially since he’s much different outside of the band context. We even co-ran the school’s annual talent show together; I provided sound, he brought some lights, and it took the two of us to run the mixer and keep the support music going smoothly.

    The band before that I won’t even get into, ‘cause that band had a couple real a’holes that nobody could gig with, and needless to say, that didn’t last long.

    Now I’m with the same buddy, with whom I’ve been buddies for many years and another similarly. We live within walking distance of each other, and spent hours upon hours jamming and writing/recording originals we wrote, so we are kinda tight independently of the band thing. The fourth guy we’d also known for a while and jammed with, and we got him to join up with us, so it’s kinda different than the CL-meetup kinda band.

    Seems to be working out pretty well, so far.
  14. wilberthenry


    May 12, 2009
    I am in three "bands".

    Band 1-Gigging band with me being 24 years old than the next senior member. I love these kids and I feel younger playing wth them/hanging with them. I would be there with bail money if they needed it.

    Band 2-Start up with guys who have a lot of talent (Julliard Grad, etc.----) more of a pro attitude and way more of a focus on the music. Like 'em, but not really tight with them. Musically probably the best band I have ever been in though.

    Band 3-Band that has a weekly jam and zero desire to gig. Lacks the ambition of band 1 and the chops of band 2, but they are friends and the funnest hang of the three. I have a blast jamming with them and we fit well together musically. If I could only stay in one band this would be the one. Fun is more important to me than the small amount of $$ I make gigging.
  15. Marko 1

    Marko 1 Supporting Member

    Mar 9, 2009
    N.E. Ohio
    Yes, jamming is lots of fun, more so imo than gigging. I actually miss that, but often after we’ve been rehearsing for a while, we’ll just start jamming, and it’s a blast.

  16. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    Good thread.

    I've experienced both. The guitarist of my last band is one of my very good friends. Even after we disbanded, I've remained in contact with my former guitarist. I still talk to one of the drummers that played in that band as well; he went and travelled to do some gigs in Alaska this past summer and called to see if I wanted to play bass on them (would have loved to but the responsibilities I currently have in my non-musician life wouldn't allow that).

    Some of my former bandmates are on my Facebook and I often check in to see what they're up to. I'm kind of strange, though. I'm not someone who needs to be in constant contact with someone for me to think of them as a friend. I have a friend from high school that I see maybe once a year. But whenever we meet up, there is never an awkward, "Sooooo...how are you" period. We just pick up right where we left off. Likewise, I still considere people friends that I haven't seen from college and grad school in years.

    With my current band, for most gigs, we meet up at our BL's place and we all ride with him because it saves a lot on gas money. I like the experience of riding to gigs together, cracking jokes, telling, anecdotes.

    While I may not be close friends with every musician I play with, I don't think I'd stay in a project where I just downright didn't like a person.
  17. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Supporting Member

    Jan 13, 2008
    Tampa, FL.
    Depends on the band. If it's an originals group then we better be good friends or else things probably won't work in the long haul. If it's a covers group simply looking to make money then I'm fine just being seen as a co-worker. That said, I have a pretty laid back and accepting personality that gets along with most people. As long as you're honest and respectful I'll be your friend.
  18. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    I think it's really like starting a romantic relationship. You can't force falling in love with someone. Likewise, a deep friendship can't be forced either. But you can always get along and have fun.
  19. I think to be a great-sounding, successful band, you gotta be closer with 'em (band members) than you would be with co-workers at a regular 40 hr. a week job. It just goes deeper than that. I'm a safety inspector for natural gas drilling rigs, and I've NEVER woke up with a co-worker in a motel room with a couple of women we met the night before.
  20. zcwilkes

    zcwilkes Supporting Member

    Oct 1, 2002
    Barboursville, WV
    The last two bands I was in I would consider the other guys my closet friends. We hang/hung out together outside of music. Me and the drummer used to hang out all the time after my divorce till he died in a motorcycle accident. The drummer and I from my current band will sit around and talk and listen to music all day if we could. I'm in a cover band with my dad, he's beyond cool but you know he's still dad. I'd give the shirt off my back/bail them out/dig a ditch for any of them. Every once and awhile I will get hired for a gig and that's when it's an employee, employer type of relationship.