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How do you view your band members?

#41
One thing I notice is that younger musicians generally seem to be more about making friends, and older (not in a negative connotation) musicians are just in it for the business.

I guess it makes sense. The people who already have families of their own don't need another one, but then there are the young players who need a family more than anything.

I just know I love the feeling of heading to a show with a group of your best buds and knowing that you are going to rock soon!
 
#43
Best mates. Have been for years and wouldn't have it any other way. We play football together, go out for beers together, have a schmoke together, watch other gigs together, have family days out together...but then one of my band mates IS my kid brother.

I've subbed in bands just out to make a few quid...and the fire just isn't there. Musically competent? check. Good gear? check. Show up on time? check. Deliver when it matters? check. Have a right old laugh halfway through a jam trying to identify stolen riffs?.....never.

Maybe it's just me, but this whole 'seeing your bandmates as co-workers' attitude seems cold and sterile, but then music isn't my main and only source of income. Maybe if I had to tolerate someone because their work contributed to my earnings, I'd see things a bit differently.
 
#45
I recently joined a band with guys playing together since 10 years... I'm the rookie so :D

It's like having you daughter bringing you her boyfriend in the family: some will talk to ya friendly, some will judge you first before talking to ya, I know they are not my "friends" for now, it takes some time, they are my co-workers, but hey... it's not a factory business everyday job, there are worse jobs, so I'm also doing my best to be the "good guy" with them.

You have to talk, but not too much, you have to let the guys do the job first and follow them, you can bring ideas but it must follow their identity. If I wasn't talking they could say "he's too much polite, problem", and If I talk too much "does he need to be THAT egocentric ?? " lol. It's a "dosage" But when we have to joke, I'm always there no worry :D

Our drummer as health problems, I asked myself if I should phone him cos' he couldn't join us last rehearsal, but.... I don't know if it's really to me to do that, so I let the others do this, I'm asking for news, if he's better, having his exams..... There's also a manager, I think it is his job first.
 
#46
The last band I was with lasted for 13 years....and even after it was over...I think we were more in the "friendly acquaintence" mode. We text occasionally, but if we weren't playing, we really didn't hang out together.

In my current band, the guitarist and I were in HS band together 37 years ago. So we were friends first and have the same musical background and interests. We hadn't seen each other for 5 years and "picked up right where we left off".

So, IMHO if you are friends first...that always makes for a better bond. A very close friend, and former band mate, passed away just after Christmas. All the musicians that came to the funeral I considered friends...played in bands with each of them (at different times).
 
#48
For me its a show up and hang. We have a good time and enjoy each other so the hang is good but we don't really do anything outside of the band. We all have families and busy lives.
I don't have to have outside activies with band mates and only need to talk and get together for the music but I have to like, respect and enjoy being around them to make music.
 
#49
vishuddha said:
Do you form a tight-knit brotherhood (or sisterhood) with your band, or are you simply show-up-and-play coworkers?
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A bit of both, probably much like my professional relationships in my career. True friends might be made, but for the most part it's simply maintaining amiable relationships in order to get the job done. We enjoy each others company in the work context (rehearsals, gigs, etc) but don't share the details of our private lives and inner thoughts.
 
#53
I work with 3 bands-one has been together since we were teens & we're all good friends.
The other two are just work associates...I don't think I'd want to socialize with them or form a lasting friendship. Personality issues on their parts keep my invisible wall up.
 
#54
JohnMCA72 said:
Unless it's somebody I already know, I consider a band full of strangers to be co-workers. As with co-workers in any other job, sometimes the relationship evolves into friendship, & sometimes it doesn't.
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Yeah, this pretty much sums it up, though I do try to make the effort to get to know anybody I didnt know previously. Im in my current band because the male lead singer is an old friend but the other 4 members are all new to me. My buddy has an acoustic gig with our rhythm player but none of us knew the drummer, female singer or lead guitarist prior to this band. Yet we got the female singer due to the drummer- they were in a previous band together.
So far things are fitting together nicely. Rehearsals are fun but the work gets done and we had a gig a spur of the moment a week ago that went over great!
 
#55
I have filled in for people I've never met and had it turn into lasting professional relationships. I've had many band relationships evolve into lasting friendships, and others that haven't. I have played with people who were my friends while playing music only to drift apart when the bands folded and others I have been friends with since the beginning. On the other hand, I have gone on the road with a guitarist I wanted to kill and won't do that again. These days I feel I need to respect the other members and they'll need to at least respect me.

I'll tell ya one thing,... If I can't stand someone, I won't last long in a band no matter how well they play.

To answer the question:

Jay (guitar): AMAZING guitar player! We have a mutual respect that goes pretty deep and he talks like we'll be playing together until the end of time. I've really learned to love the guy, but he can be pig headed and stubborn. We can fight like brothers, but never disrespect each other. Love the guy. I wish he'd try and sing more.

Rick (drummer): The voice of reason within the band. You can tell him anything and he won't take it personal. No ego at all. He's a rock solid dude and a really good rock drummer. He does his best with back up vocals and does a decent job. He's a hard hitter and can be loud, and sometimes I wish he could be just a bit more technical.

Helen (vocals): People cry when they hear her voice. She's a pretty good singer who and be pitchy at times, but people really seem to dig her. She's the most inexperienced (and a woman.. and a singer) so she can be whiny.. like cancelling practices then complaining about why we're not getting anywhere (because you missed practice!!) and doesn't take advice well. She needs to scream less and sing more because she sometimes has a problem making it until the end of the night. As a front person, she has a ton of potential, but could still be more comfortable on stage. As a person, she has a lot of personal damage and life issues... I keep expecting her to show up in tears saying she has to quit one day. She's the weakest link. She's a good person who lets bad things happen to her and invites drama into her life. BUT, people dig her. Until her drama affects the band, she'll be around.

Overall it's probably the happiest I've ever been with the people in a band, although there's still a few issues.
 
#56
I tend to like the people that I work with/have worked with. This business doesn't pay me enough to work with people I don't like that don't make good music.

Since alot of my friends are musicians, I see alot of the folks I work with as friends. I talked to the drummer from my high school band a couple weeks ago. I get and send Christmas cards to various people I've been in bands with from different states. I keep up with alot of them via Facebook, e-mail, phone, at shows, etc. My wife knows alot of my band/former band mates as well as their wives/girlfriends. Alot of them have had a meal at my house. I've been to weddings of bandmates, and they've been to mine. My former drummer ironed my shirt, and guitarist polished my shoes the morning of my wedding.I've visited my former guitarist in the ICU everyday until he recovered, and had him in my prayers. I had bandmates stand with me during difficult times, and with me being difficult. In short, some of my closest friends are people that I have been in bands with.

If anything, I wish we all had more time to just hang, but fortunately music provides us a way to get together, and technology lets us keep up with each other from miles away.

I try not to look at folks as just a guitarist, bassist, drummer, etc. I see them as people with frailties and strengths like me, and hopefully we have a point of connection and a friendship develops. IMO, you can never have too many good friends.
 
#59
Band #1: Not really friends, wouldn't get together if the band folded, some not-so-great memories.

Band #2: Good guys -- some friendships are developing, one in particular. The other guys I wouldn't see again if we folded.

Band #3: These people were friends. Went to their house, hung out, tight with my own family. We folded and still saw each other.

Band #4: Starting to turn into friendship. We hit it off IMMEDIATELY and there was a lot of excitement about the project. Don't know where it will lead but I really like the guys and would hang out with them if they wanted.

Band #5: Stayed friends with one person for 10 years. He even looked me up when he was on vacation here in another country from where we used to live and perform together. One of my most active friends on facebook.

Band #6: We started out as close friends and continued jamming with each other off an on for years in the summer between university sessions. Would probably jam together if we were in the same town, now and then, even though these guys have turned pro.
 
#60
In my band, neither of the guys would be considered a best friend. I don't hang with them much outside of playing. Beyond music, we just don't have a ton of things in common. The drummer, I've known for much longer and probably have a deeper level of friendship with.

That said, there is something else deeper there being bandmates, a type of relationship I don't have with even my best friends. I think it's formed by the dedication of each of us to the music and the goals of the band that we all share. We are primarily an original band and write collaboratively so there is bond from that also. I wouldn't be able to even explain the band relationship to my non music friends.
 

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