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How many red flags is too many red flags?
- Thread starter Beej
- Start date
Go jam with them with an open mind. If you and they find real 'musical chemistry' together, all potential negative vibes would be instantly swept under the rug. But if the chemistry's not there, or you have some serious musical differences, then have some ready-made excuse to not continue with them. Good lick.A guy I know told me a guy from his work plays lead guitar in a working band and they are looking for a new bass player, so I said sure, pass my details on to them. I got a call from the band leader last night, and it turns out we know each other from work. In fact, his supervisor used to report to me in my last job. In the discussion a few other potential red flags appeared.
Band leader is a rhythm guitarist and sometimes lead vocalist. He’s married to the main lead vocalist. She’s only been singing regularly for a couple of years. I didn’t realize they were a married couple until he brought it up, but she also used to work for someone who reported to me, and we had some “contact” over some of the time I was in that department, as it was part of my job to be present for any staff disciplinary meetings (this was over three years ago). We talked about this specifically and he said it’s all water under the bridge as she’s in a different line of work now and never had a problem with me at the time.
They are looking for a new bass player and a new drummer, because they both quit after their last show in March, right before COVID hit here. According to the BL, after a band meeting, the drummer couldn’t hack the vocal expectations and quit rather than work on vocals. The bass player apparently quit because sometimes the BL and singer “like to change arrangements around” in some of the songs they perform. It’s all covers – a mix of danceable 70’s/80’s/90’s rock, lots of fun songs.
The conversation was last night, and we chatted about two songs that I already knew. I’m going to go play with them tonight.
Whatcha think TB? Too many red flags?
The Husband Wife thing is a deal breaker. Probably. The thing you need to understand about that is that it will NEVER be a band, or your band. It will be THEIR band. As long as you are fine with what they do you will be good. They will not side against each other on anything important, and may support each other on patently bad ideas.
So, if you are cool with that - go for it. I'm not saying it CAN'T work. I am saying be cautious, and be open minded. If something goes wrong with them you can be replacing Two members instead of 1, etc.
Address everything you know, ask what the decision. process is, etc...
So, if you are cool with that - go for it. I'm not saying it CAN'T work. I am saying be cautious, and be open minded. If something goes wrong with them you can be replacing Two members instead of 1, etc.
Address everything you know, ask what the decision. process is, etc...
not necessarily. my husband and i have been in several bands together, we often disagree on songs, potential members, arrangements or marketing and vote on opposite sides of a decision - no harm, no foul.
But you are a reasonable person. And Arie has a good head on his shoulders - I enjoy his contributions in the tech areas of the site.
Didn't say it COULDN'T happen....just saying in personal experience, it is rare. Most H/W will back each other, or more likely the Husband will back the Wife due to *ahem* other factors...
I think this is a very likely dynamic. However, I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. Just know that they're likely to be a voting bloc. Personally I do fine in situations where I'm not in the driver's seat.
Since this is a cover band, the song selection and arrangement is likely in the hands of the BL and singer anyway so voting and influence isn't really an issue. It's probably best to just know who the bosses are, know your place and roll with it.
All this to say, if they have a good marriage, this should be a good gig. If their marriage has issues, likely so will the gig.
I think I'm ready to go for this weekend's rehearsal. This song is by far the one I'm having the most fun with. 
This one is a close second with the "four pop chords" and high background vocals.
The top comment when I copied the link was "Donnie Iris is like Eugene Levy doing a David Byrne impression." Couldn't have said it better myself.
This one is a close second with the "four pop chords" and high background vocals.
The top comment when I copied the link was "Donnie Iris is like Eugene Levy doing a David Byrne impression." Couldn't have said it better myself.
I think I'm ready to go for this weekend's rehearsal. This song is by far the one I'm having the most fun with.
This one is a close second with the "four pop chords" and high background vocals.
The top comment when I copied the link was "Donnie Iris is like Eugene Levy doing a David Byrne impression." Couldn't have said it better myself.
Sounds like green flag fun!
My main band is run by a married couple. The band's been together 25 years, they've been married for most of that time. It creates zero issues. They're both smart, trustworthy, great people and fantastic at what they do.
You know, couples are just like other people you'll encounter in bands. Some of them have it together and work well with each other and everyone else, and some do not. It's a crap shoot with all people in bands no matter what. I would never shut out an opportunity because of a couple in the band unless I knew the couple well enough to know that one or both of them was going to be a problem. It's generally a member that's a problem, not a couple. Sometimes that member is part of a couple but that does not mean the couple is the problem.
Unless, of course, you are paranoid that the couple has a mind-meld, but the last time I checked my husband and I agreed on very little as a general rule, and working with a couple doesn't imply that you're going to be outvoted because, newsflash, adults in relationships do not always share the same opinion. Cliques happen in bands and it doesn't take a married couple for that to occur. I think way too much is made of the couple thing, likely for reasons I don't want to go into.
That said, I generally don't work with my husband because we don't gel very well, musically speaking. Adults can determine whether or not they should work together. Reasonable people know when it's not a good idea.
Unless, of course, you are paranoid that the couple has a mind-meld, but the last time I checked my husband and I agreed on very little as a general rule, and working with a couple doesn't imply that you're going to be outvoted because, newsflash, adults in relationships do not always share the same opinion. Cliques happen in bands and it doesn't take a married couple for that to occur. I think way too much is made of the couple thing, likely for reasons I don't want to go into.
That said, I generally don't work with my husband because we don't gel very well, musically speaking. Adults can determine whether or not they should work together. Reasonable people know when it's not a good idea.
Yep. It's always been fine. I've also been the scenario, and that was also always fine, throughout three bands and a dozen years. OK, the first three years we were a couple and the rest of those years we were close friends who worked together in two additional bands.
The only people who ever started drama in any band I've been in were not part of any couple, although paranoia around the concept of "a couple" can run rampant and that's a bigger problem, IMO. When people start imagining conspiracies and behaving as though that's real, that is not on the couple. That's on the person who has the overactive imagination and perhaps a touch of mental illness. I'll be happy to elaborate offline if you're interested in hearing that whole story. I've shared it here elsewhere but too lazy now to go back and look. I believe it's in the "why you left a band" thread.
The couples I've worked with were comprised of individuals who had different opinions and voted independently on things when we needed to gauge group consensus.
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Oh, here ya go. Have you ever been fired from a band?
There are a couple of followup posts on that. My friend and I stood next to each other on stage and seriously we never did anything except play the freaking music. But for unknown reasons, the fact that we were close was enough to create all sorts of paranoia on the part of the bandleader.
There are a couple of followup posts on that. My friend and I stood next to each other on stage and seriously we never did anything except play the freaking music. But for unknown reasons, the fact that we were close was enough to create all sorts of paranoia on the part of the bandleader.
A guy I know told me a guy from his work plays lead guitar in a working band and they are looking for a new bass player, so I said sure, pass my details on to them. I got a call from the band leader last night, and it turns out we know each other from work. In fact, his supervisor used to report to me in my last job. In the discussion a few other potential red flags appeared.
Band leader is a rhythm guitarist and sometimes lead vocalist. He’s married to the main lead vocalist. She’s only been singing regularly for a couple of years. I didn’t realize they were a married couple until he brought it up, but she also used to work for someone who reported to me, and we had some “contact” over some of the time I was in that department, as it was part of my job to be present for any staff disciplinary meetings (this was over three years ago). We talked about this specifically and he said it’s all water under the bridge as she’s in a different line of work now and never had a problem with me at the time.
They are looking for a new bass player and a new drummer, because they both quit after their last show in March, right before COVID hit here. According to the BL, after a band meeting, the drummer couldn’t hack the vocal expectations and quit rather than work on vocals. The bass player apparently quit because sometimes the BL and singer “like to change arrangements around” in some of the songs they perform. It’s all covers – a mix of danceable 70’s/80’s/90’s rock, lots of fun songs.
The conversation was last night, and we chatted about two songs that I already knew. I’m going to go play with them tonight.
Whatcha think TB? Too many red flags?
Married couple as leaders of the band? Run SCREAMING in the opposite direction.
Trust me, I’ve been there. They’ll have five votes to your one. It’ll be a disaster.
Last time I saw a bunny in a pot was in Fatal Attraction...just sayin’.The bunny is in the pot. Playing a bit with them in a practice or whatever is opening the door to an emotional tractor beam that might draw you in. Your post inquiring about this is itself another red flag.
Walk away. Never look back.
Well, I woodshedded all of the songs to prepare for rehearsal, and then got a text last week that the new drummer had decided the direction wasn't for him. There would be another new drummer who the BL knows really well 'auditioning'. I didn't feel like I was going to nail every tune anyway, but this made it a bit more relaxing too.
After we'd had niceties, the drummer picked the handful of songs he already knew and we ran through those. It was a little bumpy here and there from everyone, but acceptable. At one point, BL asked me to turn up, which is always nice. The singer suggested we run through one of the songs a second time right after we finished it, and we tightened right up the second run through. From the solo onward, we all really clicked and the drummer and I slid into the pocket for the rest of the song. 
Since the drummer and BL know each other, he jokingly brought up why his chair was open, and what the "story was" from the previous bass player. At that point, the BL and singer told their side of the story of a post-show discussion when the BL brought up everyone needing to work on harmonies. He wanted to book an evening just to rehearse the harmonies on some songs. I guess that show had been their first with IEMs, and it made the weaknesses in vocal harmonies very... erm... apparent, don'tcha know.
At that point, drummer said the band wasn't really working for him, he didn't feel like it was a fit. If he could not just show up and drum, he wasn't going to stay. Then, according to the lead guitarist, a moment later, still in the awkward silence of that comment, the bass player suddenly chimes in that he doesn't like the "re-arrangement" of two songs and he's also feeling like the band is not a good fit. Lead guitar described the conversation as surreal. They ended saying they'd talk about it at next rehearsal, but covid hit, and over text not long after, they each quit.
Lead guitar, BL and singer all seem pretty well-adjusted and reasonably functional in my estimation, and the story and conversation was funny and light-hearted. I was struck by the fact that while they told the story, at no point did anyone bad-mouth the former bass player or drummer. There was an "oh well we wish them well" vibe, but no bad feelings.
So far I'm liking this group.
After we'd had niceties, the drummer picked the handful of songs he already knew and we ran through those. It was a little bumpy here and there from everyone, but acceptable.
At one point, BL asked me to turn up, which is always nice. The singer suggested we run through one of the songs a second time right after we finished it, and we tightened right up the second run through. From the solo onward, we all really clicked and the drummer and I slid into the pocket for the rest of the song. Since the drummer and BL know each other, he jokingly brought up why his chair was open, and what the "story was" from the previous bass player. At that point, the BL and singer told their side of the story of a post-show discussion when the BL brought up everyone needing to work on harmonies. He wanted to book an evening just to rehearse the harmonies on some songs. I guess that show had been their first with IEMs, and it made the weaknesses in vocal harmonies very... erm... apparent, don'tcha know.
At that point, drummer said the band wasn't really working for him, he didn't feel like it was a fit. If he could not just show up and drum, he wasn't going to stay. Then, according to the lead guitarist, a moment later, still in the awkward silence of that comment, the bass player suddenly chimes in that he doesn't like the "re-arrangement" of two songs and he's also feeling like the band is not a good fit. Lead guitar described the conversation as surreal. They ended saying they'd talk about it at next rehearsal, but covid hit, and over text not long after, they each quit.
Lead guitar, BL and singer all seem pretty well-adjusted and reasonably functional in my estimation, and the story and conversation was funny and light-hearted. I was struck by the fact that while they told the story, at no point did anyone bad-mouth the former bass player or drummer. There was an "oh well we wish them well" vibe, but no bad feelings.
So far I'm liking this group.
