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How many red flags is too many red flags?

#61
Beej said:
A guy I know told me a guy from his work plays lead guitar in a working band and they are looking for a new bass player, so I said sure, pass my details on to them. I got a call from the band leader last night, and it turns out we know each other from work. In fact, his supervisor used to report to me in my last job. In the discussion a few other potential red flags appeared. :woot:

Band leader is a rhythm guitarist and sometimes lead vocalist. He’s married to the main lead vocalist. She’s only been singing regularly for a couple of years. I didn’t realize they were a married couple until he brought it up, but she also used to work for someone who reported to me, and we had some “contact” over some of the time I was in that department, as it was part of my job to be present for any staff disciplinary meetings (this was over three years ago). We talked about this specifically and he said it’s all water under the bridge as she’s in a different line of work now and never had a problem with me at the time.

They are looking for a new bass player and a new drummer, because they both quit after their last show in March, right before COVID hit here. According to the BL, after a band meeting, the drummer couldn’t hack the vocal expectations and quit rather than work on vocals. The bass player apparently quit because sometimes the BL and singer “like to change arrangements around” in some of the songs they perform. It’s all covers – a mix of danceable 70’s/80’s/90’s rock, lots of fun songs.

The conversation was last night, and we chatted about two songs that I already knew. I’m going to go play with them tonight.

Whatcha think TB? Too many red flags? :smug:
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Temporary at best. Have fun while you can, and then bail when somebody lights the drama bomb's fuse.
 
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#62
Beej said:
A guy I know told me a guy from his work plays lead guitar in a working band and they are looking for a new bass player, so I said sure, pass my details on to them. I got a call from the band leader last night, and it turns out we know each other from work. In fact, his supervisor used to report to me in my last job. In the discussion a few other potential red flags appeared. :woot:

Band leader is a rhythm guitarist and sometimes lead vocalist. He’s married to the main lead vocalist. She’s only been singing regularly for a couple of years. I didn’t realize they were a married couple until he brought it up, but she also used to work for someone who reported to me, and we had some “contact” over some of the time I was in that department, as it was part of my job to be present for any staff disciplinary meetings (this was over three years ago). We talked about this specifically and he said it’s all water under the bridge as she’s in a different line of work now and never had a problem with me at the time.

They are looking for a new bass player and a new drummer, because they both quit after their last show in March, right before COVID hit here. According to the BL, after a band meeting, the drummer couldn’t hack the vocal expectations and quit rather than work on vocals. The bass player apparently quit because sometimes the BL and singer “like to change arrangements around” in some of the songs they perform. It’s all covers – a mix of danceable 70’s/80’s/90’s rock, lots of fun songs.

The conversation was last night, and we chatted about two songs that I already knew. I’m going to go play with them tonight.

Whatcha think TB? Too many red flags? :smug:
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the two red flags for me are the married couple being in the same band and the "changing arrangements" in tunes.

Having an S.O. involved in the band in some manner usually just leads to an over excess of drama.

The "changing arrangements around" is something Im not really a fan of at all. Lots of people think they have great ideas for making a song better or different, but usually those ideas result in a weaker/poorer product.

This project just sounds like far more drama than it's worth.
 
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#63
So Anyway, I'd at least meet up with them and play a few songs that everyone knows. I wouldn't put a lot of effort into the first meeting.
I'd also have them show you one song that they know and you don't. Nothing too tricky, just take a few minutes, get the chord structure and beat, and then play it. You'll get a sense of what it's like to work with them...or maybe for them. And then decide if you want to meet up again.
Good Luck to you!
 
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#67
Beej said:
In fact, his supervisor used to report to me in my last job. In the discussion a few other potential red flags appeared. :woot:

He’s married to the main lead vocalist.

She’s only been singing regularly for a couple of years.

he brought it up, but she also used to work for someone who reported to me, and we had some “contact” over some of the time I was in that department, as it was part of my job to be present for any staff disciplinary meetings (this was over three years ago).

They are looking for a new bass player and a new drummer, because they both quit after their last show

According to the BL, the drummer couldn’t hack the vocal expectations and quit rather than work on vocals.

The bass player apparently quit because sometimes the BL and singer “like to change arrangements around” in some of the songs they perform.

The conversation was last night, and we chatted about two songs that I already knew. I’m going to go play with them tonight.

TOO MANY RED FLAGS :smug:
Click to expand...

I edited your post to highlight things that jump at me straight away.

Never and I mean never mix business and pleasure. I do not like relationships in a "group", what ever that group of people are. In my experience there are very few couples (or even family relations) that can be objective at all times. So there is a vote wasted in any discussions.

So "HE" says the drummer cant sing and "HE" says the BG quite because he didn't like arrangements being swapped around. If its a covers band is it a massive thing that the drummer can't/won't sing? too many variables to get into specifics but I put that with the comment about the bass player being "upset" by changing arrangements. Could be that both of them are not too good and a change of personnel to "improve" the band is right.

However it could also be that the BL/wife are doing things their way and the other two do not agree with changes or see a need to change the arrangements. Also depends on when people find out about the change, last time I gigged our BL would telepathic message you with an added 16 bars after the solo. Song ends and he looks at EVERYONE else and says "why didn't you do so and so and then drummer could have had a vampy fill solo thing". Well I'm afraid I failed the mental telepathy tsessions at school so I didn't get that message - STUPID ME!!!!

So if this is going on on stage what happens at rehearsals and meetings? WAY TOO MANY FLAGS, and you haven't been to a rehearsal yet - DON'T.
 
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#70
This starts to be a lot of red flags...
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are
 
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#71
She's been singing a couple of years? Anytime I've run into something like that it's usually because he had a band, got married or got or a girlfriend and she wanted to be a part of it.

It's a stereotype I know, but when I hear stuff like that I tell them I'm probably not the gut their looking for.

Also the drummer going because he wouldn't do vocals... If he wasn't hireed to do that from the beginning, it's unreasonable to suddenly expect it of him.

Changing arrangements is fine as long as it's not midstream. I don't like working on stuff, then someone shows up to a gig saying "we're going to change this."

Anytime someone tells about firing this one and that one, I figure my days will be numbered due to some whim.
 
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#73
In my limited personal experience working with married couples, both times were all good.
One was a drummer husband with keyboardist vocalist wife. The other was a guitar player harmony singer and vocalist wife.
I’d be more concerned about past resentment if you were on the other side of disciplinary action involving one or both of them.
 
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#75
I'm not too stressed about all the 'red flags' here. :) I mostly posted this because as the situation came clearer there were so many of the red flags that people have posted about here in B&M for years. For clarification, here are all of the ones I identified from our initial conversation:

Band Leader used to work for me - his supervisor used to report to me in my last job.

Band leader is a guitarist.

Band Leader is married to the main lead vocalist.

Main lead vocalist has only been singing regularly for a couple of years.

Main lead vocalist also used to work for me and I had been present for disciplinary meeting over the years as that was my role.

Both the bass player and the drummer recently quit.

Drummer left over criticism of his vocal ability.

Bass player left because they change arrangements of well-known rock 'standards'.

That was 8 in my count. But of course they are just flags, real life tends to be more 'interactive', and if I sat everything out, life would be pretty boring. :D

BL messaged me this morning and said they had a lot of fun and are looking forward to playing again. I can't help but think that every train pulls out of the station on a nice normal day and has a bit of a lovely ride until it goes off the rails over a trestle bridge into a huge fireball 300 feet below. :woot:
 
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#77
The thing about it being their band wouldn't bother me; they are in charge of booking, PA equipment, transporting it, etc. That's fine, most band I've played with have been that way.

I'll go back to the changing arrangements... If that means at moments notice, that will tell you of their flighty nature.

Sometimes in these situations they can be having a squabble, and drag the rest of the band into it.
Sometimes you don't know the real reason they let other members go. Some couples come with a jealousy factor.

I'm not saying to just run, but I would go listen and talk to them. Trust your gut instincts. They could actually be professional about everything... You'll know, if you have any doubts after the initial get together, walk.
 
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#78
FWIW, my wife is the lead vocalist of my band. We don’t make band-related decisions as a power bloc. And she has become the primary attraction of the group, as well as respected around town.

It all started about 14 years ago, when I and some friends were trying to form a band. We were working on music but had no vocals.

I said, ‘Hey, my wife sings. She can help us work out this song.’ Their response was, ‘Yeah, sure. That’s all we need. Yata, yata...’

Well, she came in to help work out the song, and by the end of the session, the other guys were acting like it was their idea from jump. The rest is history. She’s been in a band and moving up in local circles ever since.

It’s important that the married couple work like professionals. The red flag is if they do not. Genuine talent IS required. If you're really fortunate, you could get some showmanship as well.
 
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