The dude may indeed be a jerk but don't get too caught up in the delivery. You won't be in school forever and out in the world, bosses, whether they be mid level corp. managers or musical directors, aren't always too concerned about their tone of voice when they're telling you about a spreadsheet, expense report, or chord you screwed up.
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How to deal with egotistical musicians
- Thread starter rivmiquiv
- Start date
- Jul 7, 2010
- 3,383
- 2,311
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- Endorsing Artist for: Duncan Pickups; Line6, Hipshot, GHS Strings, Somnium Guitars
1st I would go to him on the side and have a nice calm respectable chat, and would just tell him that you and the others welcome his opinion but maybe he can change his approach and maybe not always give it unless asked. Then I would go to Band director and let them know how you and the others feel about him and ask if maybe they could help with the situation. If that won't work, then I would ask your self can I deal with him for another year or two.
Then go from there. You need to look at it as an opportunity to get the experience playing with other musicians and as a stepping stone for a possible future in music. Just a thought.
Then go from there. You need to look at it as an opportunity to get the experience playing with other musicians and as a stepping stone for a possible future in music. Just a thought.
Hey people, nobody has given a serious advice yet..
Alright then. Story time;
I had a guitar player for the entire 1990's and into the 2000's that was a real jerk. Egotistical may not be the right word, but he was certainly opinionated, and his way was definitely the right way. He got on my nerves like crazy for the first 5 years or so we played together. There was one night that I came very, very close to knocking him off of a very high stage because he was being a jackass on stage.
That was the breaking point. I sat him down afterward, and we had a little discussion. I told him that he was a very talented guitar player, but his people skills sucked (that's verbatim). I also told him that I had very seriously considered kicking his ass off the stage ten feet to the ground.
He apologized! He said that he was in fact aware of the fact that he had a very grating personality, was a perfectionist, and people thought that he was an *******.
We actually got to be friends after that! When he would start getting all *******ish, I would stop and tell him that he was being a jerk. He knew that he had personality flaws, but he didn't understand what they were. He's still kind of a prick, but if he gets out of hand I just tell him he's being one, and he attempts to stop.
Part of the issue is that he has a very weird sense of humor, and people take his sarcastic caustic remarks seriously. He thinks he's being funny half of the time.
So I guess the moral of the story is; You can't fix someone elses personality flaws, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to be sure they are aware of them.
Hey people, nobody has given a serious advice yet..
Hooey! The OP's in high school. Everything from tell a teacher to punch the kid to mom jokes all work fine in high scool.
Think of the kung fu master who knows he's better than the bully, and uses that assurance as a source of strength to simply nod politely, but inwardly feel sorry for the guy's condition. I apply that kind of attitude to insufferable people, and actually pity them - even so far as to have to guard myself from feeling contempt. I'm not talking about 'better' in terms of talent, he may well be a very gifted musician - I'm talking about attitude. How many great musicians have you heard say over and over again that talent means nothing if people don't like you and don't want to work with you. YOU'RE the strong one.
Easy to say I know, I'm a lot older than you and still working on it, but it's the basis of the self assurance you need in many such situations. Of course at the right time as suggested, say something to the guy if you feel so led.
Easy to say I know, I'm a lot older than you and still working on it, but it's the basis of the self assurance you need in many such situations. Of course at the right time as suggested, say something to the guy if you feel so led.
Seriously, if he is not the leader of the group, talk to the leader and see if you can get him to mediate between you and the pianist and if necessary, to tell the guy to back off. As a leader of a band I would want a heads up on any potential conflicts that might arise and head them off before things get ugly. Just make sure you approach the leader in a calm, mature manner and don't just start ranting and raving about how you think the pianist is a jerk.Lol!! I'll take note on that!
Hey people, nobody has given a serious advice yet..
Unfortunately, at your age and stage in life and music, there's not a lot that you can do. In high school, I was playing with guys my parents' age so I didn't deal much with that. They were mature and kind in their criticism. But I remember dealing with similar egos when I got to college and was a non-major playing in the college jazz bands and extra-curricular jazz bands with music majors. Many, not all, but many had this air of "I'm better than you because I live in the practice rooms". The truth was that they were better than me, because they did live in the practice rooms. That didn't mean I was incapable of playing well - only that I didn't have the time to commit to music that they had. I was getting an Electrical Engineering degree...
Even years after college, I started a jazz trio with a ego-maniac/narcissist guitarist who truly is one of the most amazing players I've ever heard. He's jazz guitar hero material, except for his attitude and ego will NEVER let him get anywhere. He treats people like dirt. Serious musicians won't usually play with him, so he ends up trying to play with people way below him, which only starts the whole cycle over again when he stomps on them for not being as good as he is.
As others have mentioned, you can talk to him and that may help. But my feeling is that the only things you can do right now are stick it out and accept it, give him the boot, or leave yourself. If others in the ensemble feel the same way, then they'll probably be with you.
OTOH, if you take his criticism seriously, it will drive you to be a better player. That's my experience, anyway... When I have played with people who criticized, no matter their manner, I've tried to take it seriously and learn from it. One of two things will happen; *they* will be right and you'll get better, or *you* will learn why they are wrong, and you'll get better. You don't have to have all the answers right away, but do spend time searching for the answers so you can figure out. Either way, you win.
Best of luck, and don't let the pianist's ego get you down.
Even years after college, I started a jazz trio with a ego-maniac/narcissist guitarist who truly is one of the most amazing players I've ever heard. He's jazz guitar hero material, except for his attitude and ego will NEVER let him get anywhere. He treats people like dirt. Serious musicians won't usually play with him, so he ends up trying to play with people way below him, which only starts the whole cycle over again when he stomps on them for not being as good as he is.
As others have mentioned, you can talk to him and that may help. But my feeling is that the only things you can do right now are stick it out and accept it, give him the boot, or leave yourself. If others in the ensemble feel the same way, then they'll probably be with you.
OTOH, if you take his criticism seriously, it will drive you to be a better player. That's my experience, anyway... When I have played with people who criticized, no matter their manner, I've tried to take it seriously and learn from it. One of two things will happen; *they* will be right and you'll get better, or *you* will learn why they are wrong, and you'll get better. You don't have to have all the answers right away, but do spend time searching for the answers so you can figure out. Either way, you win.
Best of luck, and don't let the pianist's ego get you down.
I think my favorite so far was to give him the bass and ask him to show me how it's done. The worst part of the situation is that this is a community college jazz ensemble and the leader/director thinks the piano player is hot ****. He's also well over twice my age which probably doesn't help
The description of all piano players above fits him PERFECTLY. He has no social skills and thinks he some sort of intellectual that is better than everyone else. Basically this quarter blows because of him but I can deal with it because I don't think I'm hot ****
The description of all piano players above fits him PERFECTLY. He has no social skills and thinks he some sort of intellectual that is better than everyone else. Basically this quarter blows because of him but I can deal with it because I don't think I'm hot ****
Feeling humiliated and withdrawing would be the worst scenario for you since one of the egotistical musicians raw materials is precisely your fear of public humiliation! You should rather respond to his intervention with a big smile as if he really meant well. Moreover, if you have the opportunity ask him question about music theory, harmony & stuff. It looks something like this: (Pay attention to 1:18-1:30 or even 1:39-1:47).Lol!! I'll take note on that!
Hey people, nobody has given a serious advice yet..
By doing so myself, I gradually lost the fear of public humiliation and subsequently have gotten more confident when jamming with unknown musicians for example. Paradoxically, this attitude of mine sometimes threatens some musicians I consider better than me.
Get depressed, start cutting yourself, tell your mom you hate her, lock yourself in your room, grow your hair out, have your grades slip, meet with counselors who will listen as long as your insurance will pay, give up music, hang with a different set of friends who steal white out and mineral spirits from CVS and huff them in the parking lot behind the dumpster, tell everyone they don't understand you, get various parts of your body pierced, start listening to Doom Metal/Sludge Rock, sell your Playstation, write bad poetry about harming people, drop out of school, start drinking cheap beer before noon, have girlfriends who smoke 3 packs of Lucky Strike a day.........or
Tell him to "chill...I got this."
Tell him to "chill...I got this."
+1
Alternatively, a light tap would probably work just as well and as a bonus you wouldn't be potential suspended
.
Nothing defeats arrogance faster than laughter. When he says something offensive you and the other members should just laugh along with him like he made a joke. Its a simple approach and works very well with arrogant musicians.
Lol!! I'll take note on that!
Hey people, nobody has given a serious advice yet..
I think you missed mine. Please refer to response #17 @ Yesterday 12:46 PM. Ultimately, no matter how you talk about this, one of those two things, in my opinion, should be done. I'm not sure how much more serious I can be about this piece of advice which I have given. And btw, this is not only advice I've given, it's advice I've TAKEN. So, it's not "do as I say, not as I do."
You may not like my advice. You may not take my advice. But I think it is a surefire way to deal with the problem, and to fix it. I couldn't be more serious about that.
I wish you the best in dealing with egotistical musicians.
I joined a Trio and the guitar player kept telling me how to do the bass lines. At first I was OK I've never played these songs before and some of them he had written so I thought I should learn it his way. Eventually I realized he was having me mimic his guitar lines and I told him We're a trio we need to harmonize not duplicate. Let me be the bass player nad you be the guitar player. After that he was cool. Now a piano player may just try to walk all over with his left hand but if you come back with a similar response that he should be playing accompanying left hand piano rather than bass lines and get a fuller sound it may be like turning the tides on him.
If not your in HS dude it will be over soon any way
If not your in HS dude it will be over soon any way
