So we recently tried out a guitarist and my drummer invited him to play with us again, but I don't like him. He doesn't sing or play the style we do and he's always telling me what to do. If I'm playing in C he'll tell me no no no no no you play in A and It's really stressful for me and makes me feel like I'm no good because he plays a little bass but he's not even that good
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How to kick a band member out
- Thread starter Bassistcali
- Start date
Hopkins
Commercial User
Tell him its not working out, its not like he was a long time member with a history. If the band plays songs in a certain key its the new members job to adapt to how the band plays, not the bands job to change the key to fit how he is used to.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
1 make sure your drummer on board with you.
2 sit down with the guitarist, not at a practice, and tell him it just is not working, but thanks for trying out
Honesty is always good. No need to get into specifics. It will just dissolve into name calling and blaming.
2 sit down with the guitarist, not at a practice, and tell him it just is not working, but thanks for trying out
Honesty is always good. No need to get into specifics. It will just dissolve into name calling and blaming.
If the drummer wants him, maybe you need to excuse yourself from the situation rather than drive out the guitar player.
But either way, don't try to go behind anyone's back and don't try to sugar coat it, just sit them down and explain your position without a lot of backstory, then move on and live with your decision.
But either way, don't try to go behind anyone's back and don't try to sugar coat it, just sit them down and explain your position without a lot of backstory, then move on and live with your decision.
Next time he "advises you" tell him to "Hop along", and to form his own group. Life's waaaay to short.
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Haji
Supporting Member
Have Moose and Rocko take him out behind the building.
Step one is making sure you're on the same page with the drummer. If you're not, you're gonna be the odd one out. Don't put yourself in that situation.
Step one is making sure you're on the same page with the drummer. If you're not, you're gonna be the odd one out. Don't put yourself in that situation.
jive1
Commercial User
Haji
Supporting Member
Man I'm glad this thread popped up. I'm in the same situation but he's been with the band since the beginning. The problem is this guy just has no groove. I was hoping he'd improve but, nope. Knows his theory really well and can read and all that stuff but no time, no groove. Since this is my band the firing is on me but I don't have a clue how to do it in a way that doesn't crush him. We're not buddies but he does live in the neighborhood so I'd like to keep it friendly. Small town so we see each other around as do our wives. It would suck for this to become messy.
Well, here's how NOT to do it. Was in a band once where we were all young non-confrontational idiots. We let a guy drum for our band because he had a lot of chops. Turns out that while he could play alone he couldn't hack it in a group. We spent months trying to train him and it was all useless - I would just stare dead-eyed out the window while he would continue playing fills over the barline and hitting the crash triumphantly on beat 1.75
Finally enough was enough and we had to have the firing chat. The two of us who didn't drive at the time allowed him to pick us up for a rehearsal as usual. The chat turned into a firing squad - it just so happened that 4 of us settled on the couch like American Idull judges - he was almost to tears. We were kind enough to take the train home afterwards.
This was all because we thought it would be crappy and impersonal to break up via phone or something, but it turned out to be the biggest dick move I've ever been part of.
Finally enough was enough and we had to have the firing chat. The two of us who didn't drive at the time allowed him to pick us up for a rehearsal as usual. The chat turned into a firing squad - it just so happened that 4 of us settled on the couch like American Idull judges - he was almost to tears. We were kind enough to take the train home afterwards.
This was all because we thought it would be crappy and impersonal to break up via phone or something, but it turned out to be the biggest dick move I've ever been part of.
jive1
Commercial User
The biggest fear of firing someone is the fallout, and most of the time it's alot less than imagined. People range in their feelings from disappointed to relieved, but that's their responsibility how they handle it, not yours. Sure, you'll get the wierdo every now and then, but even they can get over it. I've been fired and rehired plenty of times in my 'career', as well as let people go. I'm still friends with some of them, and have played gigs with them after the severance.
Tell him the band doesn't deserve him and you are tired of holding him back.Thanks for that. Since he's in the neighborhood I'll probably stop by his place and do it in person but not in front of the rest of the guys. Should I go with the "It's not you it's me" like breaking up with a girl friend?
You're probably right. It's not like we're kids thinking this is going to be everything. We're all 45 to 55 with careers, kids, and he's in a band at work to so maybe he won't react to negatively.
jive1
Commercial User
You guys are 45-55. Do you think he's really going to fall for that? Don't piss on someone's leg and tell them it's raining. Just be honest, and tell him it's not working out. You'll be able to decide how much you want to reveal, but be on the up-and-up because you are all grown-ups (hopefully). Although, I have witnessed some of the most immature behavior coming out of otherwise mature individuals when it comes to a band.Thanks for that. Since he's in the neighborhood I'll probably stop by his place and do it in person but not in front of the rest of the guys. Should I go with the "It's not you it's me" like breaking up with a girl friend?
But anyone who has been in bands for a while has probably been fired, or had to let someone go. It's part of the biz.
I don't think you should sugar coat it; otherwise it will seem like you are a real jerk who just lets people go because "I'm just not feelin it". You'll need to include some element of truth, e.g."you've got great chops but they aren't working well for this particular group". And be sure your fellow band mates are REALLY on-board with this severance, as he may insist, "I want to hear it from the whole band." I've been the ax-man a number of times and I've always done it one on one because I thought it kinder; unfortunately only about 1/2 of them felt the same. It always makes me feel a bit like a mean **** but I'd rather shoulder the burden than have the whole band feel like they were the meanies. Why? Because some people really aren't able to process it well and consequently it will put a chill on the whole band, as if it's a curse. It's not, it kinder to everyone. Wish you luck man - it's not an exact science.Thanks for that. Since he's in the neighborhood I'll probably stop by his place and do it in person but not in front of the rest of the guys. Should I go with the "It's not you it's me" like breaking up with a girl friend?
Thanks for that. Since he's in the neighborhood I'll probably stop by his place and do it in person but not in front of the rest of the guys. Should I go with the "It's not you it's me" like breaking up with a girl friend?
Your girlfriend never believed it, and he won't either. That is a major slap in the face.
Man up, and be blunt, and truthful. You don't have to be a dick about it, but you don't have to sugarcoat it either. Keep it simple. It's not working out, we are going to go with someone else.
BAM.
The end.
I'll do it for you, but it's going to cost you.
