Lords of the Low End... I have an issue that I could use some advice on, especially if someone else has been in the same situation. My wife has been pretty adamant that if I'm going to get involved in a musical project, that she wants to be a part of it. She has some chronic illnesses and doesn't get out much, we do like to do things together - like when she's feeling better we'll get back into ballroom dancing. She says that she wants to be in a band with me so that will be spending more time together.
Here's the thing - we're at really different places musically. She likes to perform and get the accolades that go along with it (and no judgement, that's part of playing that I like), but she's not really in to music like I am. She doesn't listen to music, and when she does it's a pretty limited selection. For me, outside of my marriage music is everything to me. It's been my oldest and best friend, it's seen me through good times and bad, and there is a soundtrack to my life.
But even more importantly (or the bigger sticking point for me) is that while I am no Jaco or Geddy, I'm reasonably proficient at my instrument, I play several others, and I can arrange as well (including horns, etc.). I also have a really good relative ear, and while my voice has seen better days, I can still hear in my head the way things should sound, and I can harmonize really well. She is an okay singer, but she feels she's much better than she is. Her voice is a bit pitchy, she can't maintain a melody in tune unless there's a band giving her the cues, and she can't pick out harmonies. I could be okay with all of that, but probably the hardest part of it all is that she won't take any critique or guidance from me.
I really miss playing. And I'd really like to have it to myself. That probably sounds selfish, but she has lots of other things - she's wicked crafty, an accomplished seamstress, can bake pro-quality wedding cakes, knits - you name it. For me, other than my work, music is the only thing I'm really good at, and outside of reading and geeking on the internet, it's pretty much my main hobby.
In closing I'll say that we've been married almost 19 years, and our marriage is strong, so please no "ditch the b----" comments. I would give up music first (well, I kind of have already in practice) because I love her and I do try to put her first as much as I can. But I'd like to have both. Has anyone else dealt with this, and if so, what did you do?
Here's the thing - we're at really different places musically. She likes to perform and get the accolades that go along with it (and no judgement, that's part of playing that I like), but she's not really in to music like I am. She doesn't listen to music, and when she does it's a pretty limited selection. For me, outside of my marriage music is everything to me. It's been my oldest and best friend, it's seen me through good times and bad, and there is a soundtrack to my life.
But even more importantly (or the bigger sticking point for me) is that while I am no Jaco or Geddy, I'm reasonably proficient at my instrument, I play several others, and I can arrange as well (including horns, etc.). I also have a really good relative ear, and while my voice has seen better days, I can still hear in my head the way things should sound, and I can harmonize really well. She is an okay singer, but she feels she's much better than she is. Her voice is a bit pitchy, she can't maintain a melody in tune unless there's a band giving her the cues, and she can't pick out harmonies. I could be okay with all of that, but probably the hardest part of it all is that she won't take any critique or guidance from me.
I really miss playing. And I'd really like to have it to myself. That probably sounds selfish, but she has lots of other things - she's wicked crafty, an accomplished seamstress, can bake pro-quality wedding cakes, knits - you name it. For me, other than my work, music is the only thing I'm really good at, and outside of reading and geeking on the internet, it's pretty much my main hobby.
In closing I'll say that we've been married almost 19 years, and our marriage is strong, so please no "ditch the b----" comments. I would give up music first (well, I kind of have already in practice) because I love her and I do try to put her first as much as I can. But I'd like to have both. Has anyone else dealt with this, and if so, what did you do?
