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How to turn down a band

#21
nortonrider said:
Playing music you don't like?
screw that!

I'm with everyone else here (except bluewine), respectfully decline, keep playing in your bedroom until you find something that does interest you.
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As long as the organization and presentation is aceptable to me and the bookings are good I'll be flexible on genre.

Everyone else have great night in the bedroom for as many years you can stand.
 
#25
When I had my original band, I was trying to bring in a big deal local drummer. He listened to our CD, and said, "sorry; it's just not my cup of tea."

I liked that response. He told me why he didn't want to be in my band. He wasn't critical of the music. It just wasn't the kind of music HE wanted to play on. If he would've stopped by the house, I would've offered him a nice cup of tea.
 
#27
bonga_rascal said:
I was contacted by this singer songwriter and her manager. They want me to play bass. Now, I don't play bass professionally and I only play music that I want to, and the music that I like. IF this sounds too arrogant, forgive me.
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Why would it be "arrogant" for you to exercise your own prerogatives? Are you somehow obligated to play even music that you don't like? I've never heard of such a thing... :rollno:

bonga_rascal said:
Anyway, I listened to some of her stuff and it's not happening man. I don't like.
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Fair enough. So what's the problem? :confused:

bonga_rascal said:
Any advice on how I turn down this in a nice and polite manner?
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I guess I really don't understand the need to tiptoe on eggshells here. If this artist and her manager are to have any hope of creating a career, they're going to have to face the truth - that there are people who don't actually care for her work. Why would it be your responsibility to help shield her from this reality?

As long as you're not being gratuitously mean-spirited or recklessly insensitive, you should feel free to tell her any way you want. How she chooses to take the news is completely up to her - not your problem.

OK? :eyebrow:

MM
 
#28
I disagree with the people who recommended that you claim you're "not available". If you start working in a different project, this excuse might reflect badly on you.

The folks who recommended saying "not a good match" had it right. You could even tell the manager that you're more of a (country, metal, jazz, whatever) player, and to keep you in mind for projects that are more in that vein.
 
#29
Nobody with any clues wants a bass player who isn't feeling it. You're doing them a favour by declining. You can dress it up as not your cup of tea without implying you think she is no good.

Phone the manager not her, if she suspects you're dissing her style she will get anti. If she doesn't suspect she may beg. Either way that conversion is getting ugly fast.
 
#31
Downunderwonder said:
Phone the manager not her, if she suspects you're dissing her style she will get anti. If she doesn't suspect she may beg. Either way that conversion is getting ugly fast.
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My point is, "So what?" Ya can't go through life being afraid to speak your mind, afraid that someone may not like what you have to say. If you do speak up and someone chooses to throw a hissy fit about it, ya can't take responsibility for that either - not if you want to be free to be who you really are, and to run your own life as you see fit. :eyebrow:

MM
 
#33
MysticMichael said:
My point is, "So what?" Ya can't go through life being afraid to speak your mind, afraid that someone may not like what you have to say. If you do speak up and someone chooses to throw a hissy fit about it, ya can't take responsibility for that either - not if you want to be free to be who you really are, and to run your own life as you see fit. :eyebrow:

MM
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My point is to decline with nobody getting their nose out of joint. It serves his purpose. Your take no prisoners burn all bridges for fear of being mistaken for someone who does what everyone tells him to approach does not.

The "So what" is him potentially being written off for any work from the circles of the singer and manager. You should note OP was quite clear he didn't want to just tell it like it is.
 
#34
Front up to them both with a calm air of authority and state "I'm not the bass player you're looking for". They will go a little vacant in the eyes and drone "You're not the bass player we're looking for".
Slide on out of there before they come to.
 
#35
Hey.

So I called the manager and explained to her in a polite manner why I can't take the gig. She seemed to take it very well. I thanked her for considering me for the singer's band. She also asked me whether I knew any other bass players that I'd recommend to her. I said I'd get back to her soon regarding that.

Thanks for the advice guys. I really appreciate it! :)
 
#36
Speak only in a positive manner and focus on positive things. Although you are not joining them, you WILL be doing something else... So mention it, but keep it short and somewhat ambiguous. For instance:

"Thank you for the offer. I sincerely appreciate it, but right now I have my heart set on a different project that I'm wanting to make happen. I hope you can find another bassist and good luck!"

If possible, find something you like about their music and compliment them on it. "I was really digging that guitar solo in <song name> hope to hear more stuff like that." Just don't be phony or too flowery with your comments. If there's nothing good there, the previous sentence is more than enough.

You should do this not because you have to, because their feelings are not your responsibility. However, when you make people feel good about what they are doing they usually feel good about you and this sometimes leads to future opportunities.
 
#37
Downunderwonder said:
My point is to decline with nobody getting their nose out of joint. It serves his purpose.
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And once again, I would state that other people's noses - and their condition of "jointedness" - is their own business...and their own choice to make. It's not for the OP, or anyone else, to try to manage for them.

For any kind of success in life, it is crucial to recognize and to observe the bright white boundary that exists between self - and not-self. All manner of unrealistic expectations, confusion and conflict routinely arises from the failure to respect this boundary. :hmm:

Downunderwonder said:
Your take no prisoners burn all bridges for fear of being mistaken for someone who does what everyone tells him to approach does not.
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That's not a fair and accurate characterization of my position. And you know it. :eyebrow:

Downunderwonder said:
The "So what" is him potentially being written off for any work from the circles of the singer and manager. You should note OP was quite clear he didn't want to just tell it like it is.
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Well, it seems that the OP was able to finesse the matter to his own satisfaction readily enough. So all's well that ends well.

I still maintain that - with a pragmatic caution against being gratuitously mean-spirited or recklessly insensitive - one should never feel constrained from speaking freely. We each have a right to manifest who we really are - but we can use that right only if/when we have the courage to actually claim it. And in many cases, that means reclaiming it from those who would try to convince us that it doesn't belong to us. :eyebrow:

MM
 
#38
MysticMichael said:
We each have a right to manifest who we really are - but we can use that right only if/when we have the courage to actually claim it. And in many cases, that means reclaiming it from those who would try to convince us that it doesn't belong to us. :eyebrow:

MM
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How does a polite response that keeps future options poets me have anything to do with reclaiming who I am? I am a musician who doesn't want to/or need to be an ass about declining a job and keeping my options open for the future either with the same artist or a friend that said artist has spoken to. You just don't piss off one person, but a network of people. I don't know about you, but I certainly can't afford to piss off a bunch of people in my small local scene and hope to ever play live again.
 
#39
bonga_rascal said:
Hey.

So I called the manager and explained to her in a polite manner why I can't take the gig. She seemed to take it very well. I thanked her for considering me for the singer's band. She also asked me whether I knew any other bass players that I'd recommend to her. I said I'd get back to her soon regarding that.

Thanks for the advice guys. I really appreciate it! :)
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good deal bonga, I'm glad it all seemed to work out for you... can't go wrong with good karma, that's for sure :bassist:
 

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