How would you handle this?

[mellowinman]

OP update... we played the gig last night WITHOUT our regular guitar player and everything went great. We had one friend come up to start the show with us on guitar, and we ripped through a bunch of Beatles songs and a few others. We played up the 50 yr. anniversary, and the crowd loved it. Then a couple guys from my singer's side-project came up and played 8 or 9 songs with my singer and drummer. I got to take a break while they finished the first set. I had no problem sitting out a few and saying hi to friends, etc. Also got to hear my band and my rig for the first time from the audience's perspective, which was cool. After the break, we finished the set as a 4-piece -- our 2nd rhythm guitar player/backing singer stepped up and played lead on a bunch of songs, and he did great. We even had a guy came up and play sax on a couple tunes with us -- I had never seen the guy before, and it was totally cool and out of left field. Overall, we had a blast and were very well received. The venue's manager came right up to us after the show with a big smile and said to plan on coming back soon. The best part is that the four of us looked at each other after we finished, and we all had smiles on our faces and only positive things to say to each other - no nitpicking at all. This is what it's all about for me.

Even before the show, we came to the consensus that our regular guitar player is out. If he would have played last night, I'm convinced that he'd be jealous and bitter that the other guys were stealing his spotlight. We don't need that kind of BS attitude, so he's long gone. I guess the moral of my story is that the band is about ALL of the people in it, not just one guy who thinks the world revolves around him. Thanks for the feedback everybody... keep on rockin'.

And with that, you have turned a negative into a positive.

Good job!

 

[Bullitt5135]

Now that the guitard is out of the band, I’ve had a couple days to reflect.

Early on in my musical career, I heard someone say the three keys to being a good bandmate are (1) be on time, (2) be prepared, and (3) don’t be a jerk. I personally take these three things very seriously, and I have been successful in earning the respect of my bandmates.

When somebody in the band starts to slide on these principals, it’s a very slippery slope. The band may be willing to put up with deficiencies in one area as long as you make up for it in the other two. Fall short in two areas, and you’re on really thin ice. Fail all three, and you’re gone. Realize that occasionally falling short in these areas has a cumulative effect. Resentment and animosity builds. Bands with good communication nip these things in the bud. In my band’s case, we’re not very good at that – we’ll look the other way most of the time, but it’s a cancer that festers. All it takes is one episode to tip the scale past the point of no return.

In my case, our lead guitar player was once a solid player that was pretty easy to get along with. Over the past year, his playing declined due to a work-related injury, Rx meds and increased 402 use, and weight gain. We were very patient and gave him plenty of time to work through it. Unfortunately, his narcissistic personality prevented him from accepting constructive criticism. We muddled though, but over time the animosity grew – us annoyed by his sloppy playing (and his perception that he was the star of the band), and him resentful that we were calling him out. Bottom line, he wasn’t prepared and he was being a jerk about it... putting himself on very thin ice. The final straw was when he pitched a fit about possibly having to play a gig with a sub drummer. Had he been a good bandmate (based on my criteria), I think we could have worked it out. Instead, we decided as a band that he wasn’t worthy of our respect. In the end, he was so bent – we called his bluff and played the gig without him – that he quit the band on his own. We’re now excited about the next chapter of the band, without him.

Thanks for indulging me. It’s always therapeutic to write these things out.