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I need some jokes to say in school

S

sasquatchofohio

Apr 12, 2008
166
0
34
#1
ya so im in orchestra and their is a lot of stuck up people in my orchestra that look down on me because they don't show the standing bass nor the bass guitar the respect they diserve and i need some more material to say to those evil people :mad:

so far i got a good one for cellos

good bassists go into bands after highschool, good celloists play in subway stations
 
#2
First rule of orchestra jokes is always pick on the violists. Some to get you started:

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.

Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.

Why do violists leave their instrument cases on the dashboards of their cars?

1. So they can park in "handicapped" parking places.
2. If someone mistakes them for mafia, they might get some respect.


A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
The conductor. Business before pleasure.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?

1. Shoot 11 of them.
2. Shoot all of them.
3. Who the hell wants a dozen violists?

I play cello, so I could do this all day. Good luck.
 
#3
Zachass said:
First rule of orchestra jokes is always pick on the violists. Some to get you started:

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.

Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.

Why do violists leave their instrument cases on the dashboards of their cars?

1. So they can park in "handicapped" parking places.
2. If someone mistakes them for mafia, they might get some respect.


A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
The conductor. Business before pleasure.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?

1. Shoot 11 of them.
2. Shoot all of them.
3. Who the hell wants a dozen violists?

I play cello, so I could do this all day. Good luck.
Click to expand...

:eek: wow!!! lol
 
#5
Zachass said:
First rule of orchestra jokes is always pick on the violists. Some to get you started:

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.

Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.

Why do violists leave their instrument cases on the dashboards of their cars?

1. So they can park in "handicapped" parking places.
2. If someone mistakes them for mafia, they might get some respect.


A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
The conductor. Business before pleasure.

How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?

1. Shoot 11 of them.
2. Shoot all of them.
3. Who the hell wants a dozen violists?

I play cello, so I could do this all day. Good luck.
Click to expand...

:D
 
#12
More about violas:

- Why violas can't be heard in a symphony orchestra's recording? Because sound engineers are supposed to remove annoying noises.

- Classified ad: "18th century viola for sale. Absolutely new from fifth position and up."

- How does a violist practice a trill? Playing "Für Elise" intro.

- A violist from an average orchestra finds a magic lamp. After rubbing it, a genie appears and tells him that he can grant him three wishes. "I want to be the best violist in my orchestra!", says the man. Next day, all of his mates and director were in awe at his skills and he became the orchestra's first viola player.

"OK. Which is the next one?" asked the genie. "I want to be the best violist in the world!", the guy said. Next day, nobody was a better violist than him. Berlin Philharmoniker, world tours as a soloist... he became the biggest viola superstar.

"So, which is the last one?" -"I don't know, genie, I've accomplished so many things... I just want something bigger than what you've granted me so far". -"OK. Piece o'cake", replied the genie. Next day, the guy was back in his old orchestra, sitting at the last desk of second violins.
 
#14
conductor jokes are fun.
whats the difference between a symphonic orchestra and a bull?
on a bull the horns are in the front and the a**hole is in the back.

what did the *insert annoying classmate's intrument of choice* get on his/her IQ test?
drool.
 
#16
What do throw a drowning trombone player?
His trombone!
Did you hear the one about the bass player that locked his keys in his car? It took him an hour to get the drummer out.
What's the first thing a vocalist does in the morning? Puts on her clothes and goes home.
How do you know when the stage is level? The drummer drools out of BOTH sides of his mouth.
How can you tell the trombone players kid on the play ground? He can't swing and is afraid of the slide.

I'll be here all week! Try the veal!
 
#20
sasquatchofohio said:
ya so im in orchestra and their is a lot of stuck up people in my orchestra that look down on me because they don't show the standing bass nor the bass guitar the respect they diserve and i need some more material to say to those evil people :mad:

so far i got a good one for cellos

good bassists go into bands after highschool, good celloists play in subway stations
Click to expand...

Heard about the orchestra that got locked up in the rehearsal room?

They spent all day looking for the key, finally got out when the bass came in.

:D

D.Don
 

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