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I Quit!! Or I Got Kicked??

K

kfgranda

Aug 14, 2011
20
0
Miami, Fl
#1
This is my story. I don't want to make it seem like a sob story, and it's probably written terribly,and in the wrong thread, but I want to know my fellow talkbasser's opinions, since they never let me down.

OK, so this rock band started May of last year, it would actually be a year together on the 20th. We've had a singer since September, and I was convinced the second I met him that he just wanted to take control and do as he pleased. He showed up late to practice every day (2 hours late, AND we needed to book a rehearsal space at this time), he ragged on my style, my EQ, and even told me I chose the wrong instrument (My favorite bassists happen to be Cliff Burton and Geddy Lee, and his favorite music is probably Radiohead, and Indie stuff, nothing wrong with it, just not my cup of tea).... Months passed, and I never really liked him, I just acted like I did (I deserve an Oscar for my performance, lol jk:hiding:). He was very controlling, manipulative, and "bought" my guitarist by buying him stuff. He happened booked us a gig for every Saturday in May, from 12pm to 6pm, paying $50 a day (allow me add that the gig happens to be at the club that is conveniently located on the bottom floor of his condo on the beach). It was a cover only gig, so I immediatly got suspicious and my brain went on a tangent and I thought, "crap, hes trying to take control" and I'd like to add that I joined a band to write original music, only doing covers to jam at practice. Lo and behold, turns out my Senior class has an event happening every Saturday in May (Senior Day #1 [we get 2 :)], Prom, and then Graduation). I obviously can't make all the gigs, 3/4 of them. I told him to not take the gig, but he told me himself it was no big deal if I couldn't go, he would find a replacement no problem, and it was more of job, not connected to the band. Now I'm not gonna lie, I thought it was SUPER fishy, but I thought "alright it might be no problem, we can do original music in June again." So I was talking to the guitarist, and he just wouldn't understand why I couldn't go to the gigs, and he totally dragged it way longer than it needed to be. I ended up just spilling it all out. "I'm a Senior and I want to have fun, I hate So-and-so (I then explained reasons above to him), I hate going to his house because it bores me to death... etc." I did my thing for school this Saturday, and had no contact with any of my ex-bandmates until today. Turns out, the drummer and the singer were extremely pissed that I didn't go, and apparently stated that it wasn't seperate from the band, and they wanted nothing to do with me. To add on to this, the guitarist enjoyed adding on that I hated the singer, and then it was COMPLETELY over.

I quit today, or I was kicked out, I'm not entirely positive. It was obvious that they worshipped the band as if it was a God, and I just couldn't do that at this time. Or should I say, these last 4 weeks of High-School?

If any of you can give me suggestions on what to do, as in find a new band, please share. I'm 18 now so I'm not limited.

And please tell me...
1- Am I wrong for choosing to do school things over this "gig"?
2- Am I wrong for disliking my singer for all reasons stated and others I might have missed?
 
#2
1: I chose everything instead of high school when I was in high school. And while I'm not at all into the whole school pride rah-rah business, there are still some things I probably should have done. Really, you'll have lots of bands. You only go through high school once. Enjoy it and do the things you'll regret not doing while you can.

2: He's a singer. Get used to it. While not all singers are this way, many are. This guy/gal will be in many of your future bands. ;)
 
#3
You're 18? Keep practicing, keep believing in yourself & a better gig will happen*. Strap one on for this one if it benefits you(your call), but be prepared to go lower before you hit rock bottom.

I feel this is true because of the *cup of tea* comment; IMO it indicates a very good attitude. Hang in there
 
#5
1) You're not wrong. The last month of your senior year is (or should be) stuff you only do/get to do once. As much as I wanted high school over as quickly as possible, I still tried to get something out of it, so to speak.

2) From your side of it, it sounds like there was a bit of "writing on the wall" when it came to that singer. It is perfectly okay to disagree, then come to a compromise. Sometimes, some must "agree to disagree" and do whatever is best in terms of professionalism and for the good of the show. Nobody likes the "I'm here now, my way or no way" attitude, and it seems that the singer had that and somehow got buy-in from the other members.

In your shoes, I'd find a another band after graduation. Going to college? Great place to find bandmates. You might want to do some soul-searching to see what you really want in a band and from a band experience. Not that you did anything wrong, but it might help you truly evaluate your next gigs.

It sounds like you got a raw deal. Quit or got kicked? In your shoes, I wouldn't care at this point. They'll tell their wives and girlfriends they fired you, and it sounds like you were ready to walk anyway.

Oh, one more thing. It will be very tempting to take a "look at me now!" stance when you land your next gig. However, this could be your opportunity to show those who know all of you who the bigger person really is. It will be very hard, but "taking the high road" will be very worth it in the end.
 
#6
You are better off... move on find new band. Bass players are hard to find. guitarists and singers arent.... guitarists and singers who arent control freaks and doushe bags are very rare though. If you are a decent player you will find a new band. If not find a way to make yourself appealing to other musicans... example buy a pa system and a drum kit that way you supply it and your band mates will like you better from the start.
 
#8
I agree with every comment above mine..
I've been playing bass for 35 years of my 44 years alive.
75% of the vocalists I've played along with were tolerable, on the otherhand you will notice as you have that they tend to think that the world revolves around them simply because they are a "Frontman". I've played everything from '80s hairband metal to backing Shania Twain to the most brutal of Death Metal. Most vocalists will always be this way, sometimes you will have to "Swallow your pride" and let it roll off, or (Being a bassist) you can just do as I have done & tell the individual to "Go F**K Himself"..

Most are arrogant pricks who will not even assist the band with "Loading In" equipment :rollno:, some will.
At your age you have the world by the ass, never give up if music is your passion and you will find later that the rest of the MUSICIANS will back you up, as to not lose the bassist, because vocalists are always a dime a dozen..

Just my opinion \m/ :bassist:
Keep at it!
 
#10
Everyone is different. If I was back in HS and my bandmates wanted to go to prom and do all that senior stuff I wouldn't fault them for it. Howver I didn't go. At the time there wasn't a girl I was interested in dating and I was always the outcast at school. I spent my prom night either racing radio controlled cars or playing music. Either way I had more fun than I would have at prom. But like I said, if you wanted to do it, I get it and it shouldn't have been a problem.

As for the band, sounds like you and the lead singer have very different ways of doing things. You have to go your separate ways and the rest of the band needs to decide what they want to do.
 
#11
dalahorse said:
1: I chose everything instead of high school when I was in high school. And while I'm not at all into the whole school pride rah-rah business, there are still some things I probably should have done. Really, you'll have lots of bands. You only go through high school once. Enjoy it and do the things you'll regret not doing while you can......
Click to expand...

Same here..........I actually played a gig on Prom night. Looking back, though....I probably should've been a little more active if some of the Senior Year HS stuff.

lowfreq33 said:
$50 for a 6 hour gig on a Saturday? If that's per man it's insulting, if that's for the whole band it's grounds for an ass whooping. Either way it doesn't sound like you're missing anything with this band.
Click to expand...

I was thinking the exact same thing....
 
#13
I like that you indicated your in high school. You can look at the big picture.

If your as lucky as some of us you will still be playing in bands 40 years from now ( if bands are still viable entertainment )

You will encounter and solve many different band issues, chalk this one up as experience and part of the learning curve.
 
#15
I (as well as most musicians and users on here) have been there before. Moral of it is if you were not happy and not having fun then there was no sense to being in something like that. Look at it as a blessing and optimistic way if you can. You are now free to do whatever you wish now and hopefully get into something better. You are young too, nothing but lots of opportunities out there for you.
 
#16
I promise if you keep an eye out that better days will be ahead of you. It sounds like you were unhappy with this band in the first place. You weren't in this to play multi-hour cover sets, and it seems pretty clear that you don't see eye-to-eye with the other band members.

If you're going off to college next year, you'll be able to play around with a wide variety of musicians (it's the time to experiment, right? :hiding:) If you're sticking around Miami, you're in a major city with an abundance of bands needing bassists. It's win-win, and sometime you'll get into a band that will make you look back at this one and shake your head. Patience, young bassist.
 
#18
I am going to offer a devil's advocate perspective.

Regarding the singer "taking control" - in a band, people can try to "take control" but unless the rest of the band give it, that's all they can do. The fact that he seemed to create some real forward motion sounds to me like he gained some control because the band let him/wasn't opposed to it.

Aside from all the personal issues, it sounds to me like the singer found a gig, the rest of the band was down with it and you were the lone hold out. If I'd invested that much time and energy into a band I wouldn't let doing a few cover gigs at a beach-front bar send me packing. As a matter of fact, if I were in your area, I'd possibly take the sub-slot, but I think I would skew the age curve a little harshly... A gig is a gig. It's all good experience. I feel like you may have tossed the baby with the bathwater.

All that said, being in a band - especially when you are young - should be enjoyable. If you were not enjoying the experience, you did the right thing. Otherwise, if you have the right group of guys and you are simply at a minor philosophical fork in the road, it's far better to swallow a little pride and go for the ride. Things tend to work out for the best if everyone at least likes and respects each other in the band.

Good luck! Congrats on finishing HS!
 

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