..... If I go back to my amp and add high end for a song or low end none of this is heard in FOH. I want this to be heard as it makes the song sound better .
One very good reason to hire your own soundman then.
If you get a guy that doesn't know that your gonna play all night with your EQ , how will he react in real life situation ? If he hears that the bass player has too much low end , he's gonna cut it then when you'll bring it back and he's probably gonna leave it like that or it's gonna take a while for him to realize it. If you always play with your settings , first song , you're gonna sound good and at the end of the night , guess how ?
If you boost the low-end of your bass sound does your drummer (or keys) compensate by lowering that frequency in his kick or in their sound ?
If you always change sounds/tone and don't hire your own guy , don't expect miracles because what sound good in a practice room doesn't necessarily translate perfectly in a show.
Big acts are doing pre-productions for weeks, mostly for the monitoring part with digital boards , sometimes with multiple presets in a single songs , so no problems with Tone changing in these conditions but playing in a bar, one hour setup-soundcheck with a board wich doesn't even have a single band of full parametric EQ ?
It's pretty much looking for trouble if you don't have your own soundman.
Of course you can change stuff , but changing a Bass EQ like you described in between songs is a very bad idea in those conditions.
I used the 'Jaco in studio' example as an extreme one.
There a thousand (millions?) of bass players who sound really good DI'd.
IMHO What the OP is doin' is a very conscious thing of the Whole picture.