i think i'm becoming the ***hole

[aztomr]

I recall having a similar issue a year or so ago. I wanted to be the super melow bass player, just doing my thing. I was having similar problems, but with a harmonica player. In the end, I decided it was better to be an a**hole than have the music suffer. I recall my buddy in the band asking me what the harmonica guy did to piss me off. I explained it as I would rather hear from band members at rehearsal that I was screwing up, than hear it from an audience member at a gig. Since then its kinda been our rehearsal policy, brutal honesty. It works really well for us.

 

[stingraysvt]

I would listen to the recordings together and then ask everyone for their opinions on what can be improved. You could say, "let's try with the guitar player playing less aggressively and see how it sounds", etc. You might be surprised by the result.

If everyone else is happy with the the way the songs are being played and you are not, it might be time to find another band, otherwise you will be looked upon as the problem rather than the solution.

+1 to listen/watch the recording together.
This will make it easier to point out than just straight up without dishing all the accusations.

 

[llatikcuf]

I'm that guy in our band, but IMO it works for us. I was the last to join and the other guys have been together for years. However, they've told me that the stuff we write is some of the best they've ever done. We also go into the studio and gigs ready, which wasn't always the case with them. I find it helpful to know what mistakes to ignore, and appreciate that a lot of our more interesting ideas come from mistakes while writing.
Note: it also helps that we're not 20 any more and can have passionate discussions without breaking things and name calling.

 

[Icey101]

i aint that good but i do have an ear for sounds....

if i say something, i say it like this

"do you think your timing is ok in that song"

or

do you think you are coming in on time at this point?

so i let them think about it and answer the question themselves

 

[Sundogue]

I told my bandmates that while I formed the band and it's my concept, I expect and appreciate input from everyone. I've had to tell the guys at one point or another about something that needed to be changed and they know I expect it from them as well.

But, as my drummer put it, "Every band needs an a**hole, you're ours. But not because you are one...you just say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. You're THAT guy."

Tell everyone up front what I told my bandmates...

"Look, I am going to say things that may hurt your feelings from time to time, but my intentions are only for the betterment of the band. I'd never deliberately set out to hurt feelings or cause anything negative between any of us.

Take everything I say as constructive and I'll do the same with you guys when you need to say something to me. THE most important thing is always getting things said and out in the open immediately so we can resolve issues together."

There hasn't been a single issue come up be it personal, professional, musical or what-have-you that we all haven't been able to discuss like adults and move forward or beyond it in a positive way.

Someone has to lead, even in a democratic environment. Even if it means only giving the appearance of democracy while one person shakes things up to make things better. Always remember...change is good.