I'm Frustrated with the Band I'm in.

[BoogieZK]

The band I'm in is a blues band for festival gigs and a "play everything" band for bar gigs. All of the music we play is old. "Maybe Baby" and "Margaretaville" are standards on our bar set list, which also includes gems like "Brick House", "Brown Eyed Girl", "The House is Rockin'", and "Evil Ways."

The band leader called a rehearsal and these are the songs to be learned:
"Soulshine", "Stuck in the Middle with You" and "It's 5 O'clock Somewhere."

The songs I recommended got shut down. One wasn't well known enough for people to dance to it. Another one was just not well known. The third "was like 'Margaretaville' (it isn't).

I'm frustrated because the guitar players in the band don't seem to want to spend any time learning anything "new" that they have to actually learn. It's okay if it's an old song that they can just play off the cuff or jam through, but they don't seem to want to learn anything that have parts that need to be played for the song to sound right.

We have a lot of gigs booked (I really don't know why) but I wish we were tighter, spent time working out parts, learned new, not just new to us, songs, and were generally a lot better than we seem to be satisfied to be.

It's frustrating.

I feel the same with my band, we are a Stoner band with original compositions but when it become a little too difficult or just not easy to learn, it's shut down.
Same with some covers we do, we only do covers that the guitar and drums know, nothing else.

My opinion is: when you get frustrated with your band and there is nothing invloved in term of "career"(I mean nothing involving money), it's time to fly away to only have fun.

 

[LowRick]

Recognisable.

There is an opportunity though: if the band is hecitant to learn new stuff, there's more time to spend on side projects.

The drummer of our band and i felt the same. He started playing guitar (and is bloody good as well) on the side and he has a friend who drums and has a girlfriend who sings quite well. Keep it close (there might be more people in the band who want more) and before you know it, the side project is up. You just need an instigator.

 

[ComeHomeShane]

A wise man once said, "You're either frustrated about something with the band you're in, or you're not in a band."

 

[ga_edwards]

If the songs the BL suggests work and get people up dancing then the problem isn't necessarily with the band. The only question you should be asking yourself is whether you want to be in a band that plays those sorts of songs.

FWIW, I'll never get my head around the "do what the BL wants" hierarchy that seems so prevalent on your side of the pond. IMO, a band should be a democracy.

 

[40Hz]

Not that it says much, but I'm wasn't familiar with the first two songs by their titles. So I found them on YT and gave them a listen.

I thought the Widespread Panic number was an immediately forgettable song that sounds kinda like a hundred other songs. And Desert High was a something almost guaranteed to clear a dance floor. And I absolutely despise Mungo Jerry's song: In the Summertime.

FWIW, deep dive tracks are seldom good choices for cover bands. So in this instance I'd have to side with the BL about those song suggestions.

As far as group ambition goes, your band has reached what's called a plateau. They're happy with who they are and what they're doing. And (and this is the important part) so are the people who are hiring them. It's yet another example of many successful product offerings whose motto seems to be: "Nothing special - just the way you like it!" And you find that frustrating and want to do more than that.

I think the conclusion is inescapable. From the music, and probably from the perspective of social dynamics, you're in the wrong band. Since it's doubtful you'll ever be able to change it, your choices are to either go with it - or just go.

Your call. Luck!

 

[obimark]

You're not going to change the band. Start your own where you can call the shots.

This, just dont expect paid gigs if you want to play mainly obscure songs.

 

[40Hz]

Dancers are going to dance if they hear something like the beat of.
I once debuted an original song at a bar gig, and everyone got up and danced.
It's not whether they know it or not. It's about the music.

Very true. I was in one band that was almost entirely originals. Took two songs before the crowd got up and danced. But they kept dancing for the rest of the set. And the next one. And the one after that. Pity it was only band I was ever in that could manage to pull that off.

Bottom line: If it's truly danceable - and they like it - they'll dance.

 

[lordradish]

The band I'm in is a blues band for festival gigs and a "play everything" band for bar gigs. All of the music we play is old. "Maybe Baby" and "Margaretaville" are standards on our bar set list, which also includes gems like "Brick House", "Brown Eyed Girl", "The House is Rockin'", and "Evil Ways."

The band leader called a rehearsal and these are the songs to be learned:
"Soulshine", "Stuck in the Middle with You" and "It's 5 O'clock Somewhere."

The songs I recommended got shut down. One wasn't well known enough for people to dance to it. Another one was just not well known. The third "was like 'Margaretaville' (it isn't).

I'm frustrated because the guitar players in the band don't seem to want to spend any time learning anything "new" that they have to actually learn. It's okay if it's an old song that they can just play off the cuff or jam through, but they don't seem to want to learn anything that have parts that need to be played for the song to sound right.

We have a lot of gigs booked (I really don't know why) but I wish we were tighter, spent time working out parts, learned new, not just new to us, songs, and were generally a lot better than we seem to be satisfied to be.

It's frustrating.

Such is the nature of dad/cover bands. I don't like that whole vibe, so I don't play in 'em, unless the money's good.

Basically, the less I dig the music, the higher the pay has to be. Covers and blues bands, especially. If I'm gonna be bored, I might as well be paid well for it.

 

[FrenchBassQC]

Move on life is too short, do not stay in a situation that doesn't feel right.

 

[lordradish]

QUIT.

been there and done that.

here's how that plays out:

1) you get more frustrated
2) you actually learn stuff but then can't play it that way because they don't and now you have to half ass what you would be nailing
3) you don't invite anyone to shows or talk about the band
4) you stop caring
5) you question why your even playing music
6) life sucks

be in a band that will hold themselves to the same standards you do. I took a pay cut when I made the jump but I was so much happier doing so and now I'm making more and gigging more than ever (plus now people know I don't suck)

This, times 1000. Been there, done that. Unless you're just in it for the money (which requires a different approach), you shouldn't play in bands you don't enjoy.

 

[friskinator]

At 22 years old "Learn to Fly" is not exactly a new song!


Slight update: A fourth song that I had recommended might get tried. We'll see!

I've seen plenty of posts on TB or CL that mention bands like the Foo Fighters or STP as "new stuff," even though most of their best-known material is 25 years old. I think it's a reflection on the age of the people posting.

 

[thebreakman]

Regardless of the money, if it isn't fun it isn't fun. Luckily, I'm not in the position where I need to be in a band for money so, I would find something else fo sho. Now, if I needed the money, of course, I would have to go a different route.

 

[Geddaric]

Recently joined a band that has 5 members. All members pick four songs (up for discussion) and one song that is veto-proof. It`s worked out well so far and the only songs that`ve been vetoed are the old classics everyone is tired of.

As for your situation, roll with it `til you can`t. The problem with old fogies (like me) is it takes less effort to play something you`ve done for years. I don`t have a lot of time with my new job, but I like getting poked to learn new songs once in a while, just because learning something new keeps things from getting stale, even though I might not realize it right away. Maybe throw a couple riffs at `em between songs to see if it might pique some interest (at practice only, of course).

 

[Nev375]

See if anyone else in the band feels the way you do, and if so, find a more adventurous and open minded band leader.

 

[Jaycat]

"I'm frustrated by the _____ I'm in."

a) Relationship
b) Job
c) Town
d) Body
e) Band
f) Other

 

[svlilioukalani]

You are playing in a band that sounds exactly like my 3rd band. Nice guys but it drives me crazy. The amazing drummer is what keeps me going. Same bunch of songs. People always dance. They love Margaritaville. Throw that in every once and a while. The crowd will love you. It makes no sense to me.

 

[mrcbass]

If you want some real advice, I'd suggest you go with the flow. Stop pouring in effort if you're the only one doing so. If you can get the drummer to practice breaks and stops and whatnots with you, you can tighten up the low end. If the drummer is the same as the guitarists and all you do is play stuff that's easy, requires no practice and can be done without effort - get in that boat. Put your elbow grease in some other project, or into getting better at playing bass, and let that band be a super low effort thing.
Rethink the whole situation in a few months. Might be it's a lot better because you're all on the same page now - might be a lot worse because you're just not the type that can do that and enjoy it.

I need to disagree with some of this.
- Go with the flow, yes.
- Work with individuals to get tightened up. Yes.
Lower your standards? Absolutely not. You will generate some bad practice habits if you let your unprepared band drag you down to their level. I speak from experience.

OP: It's very hard being in a working band that you don't connect with anymore - especially if you genuinely like the people (even if you don't like their musicianship. You don't want to walk away from all the gigs, but the band itself is a bit torturous. (Again from experience.) I recently tried to ride out a situation that I was unhappy with. I was driving home from gigs and stewing all the next day or week regarding why I kept doing this with them. I was trying to be patient and "go with the flow", but I found that the things that were bugging me just kept getting worse, not better. I was very relieved when we parted ways. It's been a few months and I'm still looking for the new gig, which is a bit frustrating, but I'm not sorry it ended. (It's kind of funny watching them go through the revolving door of bassists since I left.)

We can't really offer anything but opinions because we don't know the depths of your issues or your despair. Obviously, you're not happy with the situation or you wouldn't being seeking advice or ranting. You need to determine if it's worth dealing with the substandard band or not. You will need to adjust your expectations (it is what it is) if you decide to hang around, but do not lessen your preparation standards. As suggested in the post I quoted: Perhaps find a second band to be your quality outlet and keep this one for the gigs?

Whatever you do, something needs to change - only you know what you need to do.

 

[DWBass]

I grow tired of these bands. My current R&B band has not worked since last March. We had been playing the same ol' setlist. A great handful of tunes were suggested during the lockdown. Nothing from the bandleader in all this time. A gig in August just popped up. I am not interested in playing the same stuff anymore. I told him I will not be available. I just checked with one of the singers and she sent me the short (1/2hr) setlist. The same ol' stuff!! Really?!?! I am not long for this band. When I leave, I take the PA with me so not sure how they will continue. No one was interested in investing in a PA.

 

[51PRI]

...deep dive tracks are seldom good choices for cover bands. So in this instance I'd have to side with the BL about those song suggestions.

As far as group ambition goes, your band has reached what's called a plateau. They're happy with who they are and what they're doing....

Two things...One, the songs I recommended wouldn't become the entire song list, just three for the entire 4 hour gig. It wouldn't be like we would automatically change to being an obscure cover band. Two, I made the mistake of actually working on the songs that we are to learn at rehearsal, and I feel REALLY sure that some parts will have been learned wrong, or left out entirely, but the guitar players. What happens when/if I tell them?

This, just dont expect paid gigs if you want to play mainly obscure songs.

It would only be a handful of obscure songs, not the entire set list turned over.

Very true. I was in one band that was almost entirely originals. Took two songs before the crowd got up and danced. But they kept dancing for the rest of the set. And the next one. And the one after that. Pity it was only band I was ever in that could manage to pull that off.

Bottom line: If it's truly danceable - and they like it - they'll dance.

It's cool that you had audiences who would dance to songs they didn't know. I would imagine that would be a rarity.

I've seen plenty of posts on TB or CL that mention bands like the Foo Fighters or STP as "new stuff," even though most of their best-known material is 25 years old. I think it's a reflection on the age of the people posting.

Sure it is. One of my previous bands tried to update its songlist with some No Doubt...then we realized the songs were 20 years old. People going to bars would have been 2 years old when those songs came out.

Just for fun:
Mustang Sally - 55 years ago
Brown Eyed Girl - 54 years ago
Sweet Home Alabama - 48 years ago
Wagon Wheel - 17 years ago
Wonderful Tonight - 44 years ago
Margaretaville - 44 years old
Stuck in the Middle - 49 years old

People like oldies?

...roll with it `til you can`t....

Can I use that?

 

[40Hz]

It's cool that you had audiences who would dance to songs they didn't know. I would imagine that would be a rarity.

No need to imagine. It was an incredibly rare experience for me too. But that one band definitely had something going for it. Too bad the personality clashes and differing expectations got the better of it.

In the immortal words of American humorist George Ade:

"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest these: It might have been." ​