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I'm Frustrated with the Band I'm in.

I think I need to play, be in a band, much more than I need the money these days. If there were just a few songs that I could be, as you say, proud of, that would probably suffice.

I agree that you can't change people.
Bring more songs. And then more if they aren't good. Seems like you do like the band but you're frustrated and as you say. If thither were just a few songs that you could be proud of, that'd be suffice. So. Bring more songs.
 
How does this work exactly? My current band is a turd. Too fast, sloppy, no groove. Been going on too long to give feedback and I've lost my will to care in some ways. We're not gigging anyhow.

I checked out another project. One thing I wanted to know was "who directs the music"? I'm not sure the host/BL will or is up to the task just yet. The songs we picked were a horrible mess and he noted the timing was all over the place. But it was me that suggested another spin to do it again. Then people started suggesting song that were way more than I think could be pulled off.

I'll have to wait it out a bit but I think the BL wants to play at a higher level and I'm not sure how we'd get there.

Well, first off, this may not be the gig you are looking for.

If it were me, I would agree to come to play with no future commitment. Explain that you will be recording and reviewing it before committing to any further involvement. After you've meeting, review it several time to see if it's salvageable, and you have the stamina to pull it together.

The reason for the recording is it is impossible to remember every note that was played. Most players don't have that ability. Most are so totally focused on what they are playing, as opposed to what else is going on they haven't a clue what they are doing to the rest of the band. Since they can't remember what they did, how can you expect them to fix it?

Hope this answers you question. Best wishes.
 
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Makes me feel lucky, so I kinda feel your pain. The three of us really like adding fresh, challenging material, but also have a ton of songs already to pick from. Still half of those are "automatic" songs; half aren't! Like padding between the good ones. Mostly, they're all FUN.
 
Well, first off, this may not be the gig you are looking for.

If it were me, I would agree to come to play with no future commitment. Explain that you will be recording and reviewing it before committing to any further involvement. After you've meeting, review it several time to see if it's salvageable, and you have the stamina to pull it together.

The reason for the recording is it is impossible to remember every note that was played. Most players don't have that ability. Most are so totally focused on what they are playing, as opposed to what else is going on they haven't a clue what they are doing to the rest of the band. Since they can't remember what they did, how can you expect them to fix it?

Hope this answers you question. Best wishes.


Thanks. I did record what we did on our first GTG. I was frankly surprised that some of the others were as into it as they were.

I think the weakest link was the singer (needs the key lowered quite a bit) and the BL (who seems "particular" about things but hasn't led an effort like this before so might not have the experience to direct it to his vision). Everyone was on their best behaviour for a first stab at it.
 
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The band I'm in is a blues band for festival gigs and a "play everything" band for bar gigs. All of the music we play is old. "Maybe Baby" and "Margaretaville" are standards on our bar set list, which also includes gems like "Brick House", "Brown Eyed Girl", "The House is Rockin'", and "Evil Ways."

The band leader called a rehearsal and these are the songs to be learned:
"Soulshine", "Stuck in the Middle with You" and "It's 5 O'clock Somewhere."

The songs I recommended got shut down. One wasn't well known enough for people to dance to it. Another one was just not well known. The third "was like 'Margaretaville' (it isn't).

I'm frustrated because the guitar players in the band don't seem to want to spend any time learning anything "new" that they have to actually learn. It's okay if it's an old song that they can just play off the cuff or jam through, but they don't seem to want to learn anything that have parts that need to be played for the song to sound right.

We have a lot of gigs booked (I really don't know why) but I wish we were tighter, spent time working out parts, learned new, not just new to us, songs, and were generally a lot better than we seem to be satisfied to be.

It's frustrating.
I am SO over the standard "Bar set list" . I did it and it's BORING ! I'm SURE the audience is also tired of those tired songs. It's outdated and there are so many 80's songs that are more fun.
I agree with you that a lot of players are just lazy and it's easier to play oldies than to learn other songs and actually have fun challenging yourself.
I was asked to participate in a jam last weekend and the set list was the same old junk. I said NO.
 
So I just was separated from the first band that I've played with in a long time, because I'm moving to a different state. Sad about the timing, they had auditioned bass players for more than a year, so they told me, and I was "approved" on the first time I played with them. We played a bunch of times in one guys' garage due to COVID and his wifes' aversion to having any non-family member in the house. When winter hit, the weekly garage sessions stopped.

Spring arrived and with it, my moving to a different state. They opted to start looking for another bass player again and that was certainly understandable.

OK having said all that this group, while they had quite a nice list of songs, seemed averse to trying anything new. I suggested some easy "one hit wonders" such as The Hooters "and we danced", Foo Fighters "learn to fly", and even an old standard CCR version of "heard it through the grape vine". Not much interest at all. It was 2 guitars, keyboards, drums and me on bass. Lead guitar, drummer and keyboard were outstanding. Rhythm guitar was good and also a vocalist. Anyway, the point is, I was a little surprised that they were not open to trying anything new.
At 22 years old "Learn to Fly" is not exactly a new song!

Bring more songs. And then more if they aren't good. Seems like you do like the band but you're frustrated and as you say. If thither were just a few songs that you could be proud of, that'd be suffice. So. Bring more songs.
Slight update: A fourth song that I had recommended might get tried. We'll see!
 
Thanks. I did record what we did on our first GTG. I was frankly surprised that some of the others were as into it as they were.

I think the weakest link was the singer (needs the key lowered quite a bit) and the BL (who seems "particular" about things but hasn't led an effort like this before so might not have the experience to direct it to his vision). Everyone was on their best behaviour for a first stab at it.

Well, that's somewhat encouraging. Record and review always, but focus on the good stuff played. "Chuck, check out this part you did on xxx, it's pretty cool" Does 2 things, one it give your band mate a better idea of what works, some positive affirmation, maybe they add a tool to work with, and it boosts morale. I've also found that when you do this, they will work on what doesn't work or isn't so good.

Going a little further, it will also give you more street cred when you need to go "Hey Chuck, I want you to listen to this part here, I was wondering if you would try it this way the next time we run through this song". Then record it, and give Chuck an A-B comparison.

Also, help your singer out. If the song don't sound good band wise in a suitable key , scrap the song and find something else they can handle. Keep in mind, he/she is the one they are coming to see.

If you wish, you can keep me posted on the IM feature. I'd be interested.
 
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We have a lot of gigs booked (I really don't know why)

Ok, here's the thing, some musicians are also very business-minded. They understand what music gets gigs and they enjoy the success of playing the music that bar goers want to hear. That's why they get the gigs. Most musicians are artists - they hate guys like this. But, even artists get tired of playing to no-one so they will on occasion sell their artistic souls to the devil and play the classic bar music. Is what it is.
 
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"When the Clowns come Home" - Widespread Panic
"Desert High" - Billy F. Gibbons
And then, when those were shot down, and I saw the oldies trend,
"In the Summertime" - Mungo Jerry

Man, I feel for you. You're in a project you don't like. I get it.

But those are HORRIBLE suggestions for songs for a bar band. Just horrible. Bqr patron want to hear songs they can sing along to. Nobody.... and I mean nobody,... will be able to song along to those songs.

It seems as though you're simply in the wrong hand for you. I agree. The easy way out playing nothing but trite and worn out songs is no fun. But there's a middle ground between that and what you're suggesting.
 
My first band was like that. No one wanted to learn anything new, except me. We had two gigs that sucked, then imploded.

I now have a guitar player who puts the time in at home learning new tunes, just as the rest of the band does. And we have some fun at rehearsal. we've yet to play out due to Covid but it's not a bad situation at all.
 
The band I'm in is a blues band for festival gigs and a "play everything" band for bar gigs. All of the music we play is old. "Maybe Baby" and "Margaretaville" are standards on our bar set list, which also includes gems like "Brick House", "Brown Eyed Girl", "The House is Rockin'", and "Evil Ways."

The band leader called a rehearsal and these are the songs to be learned:
"Soulshine", "Stuck in the Middle with You" and "It's 5 O'clock Somewhere."

The songs I recommended got shut down. One wasn't well known enough for people to dance to it. Another one was just not well known. The third "was like 'Margaretaville' (it isn't).

I'm frustrated because the guitar players in the band don't seem to want to spend any time learning anything "new" that they have to actually learn. It's okay if it's an old song that they can just play off the cuff or jam through, but they don't seem to want to learn anything that have parts that need to be played for the song to sound right.

We have a lot of gigs booked (I really don't know why) but I wish we were tighter, spent time working out parts, learned new, not just new to us, songs, and were generally a lot better than we seem to be satisfied to be.

It's frustrating.


I've been in many bands like this. They usually get gigs because they are a partying band and have a following of peeps who just want to chase around after a band like that...

If you're ot happy it may be time to find a band that is more disciplined, because nothing you say or do in this one will really do anything more than cause resentment.

It's one of those situations if it's all that's available, but you want to play, or need the money, then stick around.
To do this even though it's not the way you want it, is to just say "It is what it is...at least I'm playing". Accept it.. and wait until something else comes along.

or

Refuse to accept mediocrity, break away and dedicate yourself to finding the right band for you.

I will tell you that the longer you hang with players who don't give a crap, the more it rubs off on you.

Good luck!
 
The band I'm in is a blues band for festival gigs and a "play everything" band for bar gigs. All of the music we play is old. "Maybe Baby" and "Margaretaville" are standards on our bar set list, which also includes gems like "Brick House", "Brown Eyed Girl", "The House is Rockin'", and "Evil Ways."

The band leader called a rehearsal and these are the songs to be learned:
"Soulshine", "Stuck in the Middle with You" and "It's 5 O'clock Somewhere."

The songs I recommended got shut down. One wasn't well known enough for people to dance to it. Another one was just not well known. The third "was like 'Margaretaville' (it isn't).

I'm frustrated because the guitar players in the band don't seem to want to spend any time learning anything "new" that they have to actually learn. It's okay if it's an old song that they can just play off the cuff or jam through, but they don't seem to want to learn anything that have parts that need to be played for the song to sound right.

We have a lot of gigs booked (I really don't know why) but I wish we were tighter, spent time working out parts, learned new, not just new to us, songs, and were generally a lot better than we seem to be satisfied to be.

It's frustrating.
Quit. People don't change much
 
The band I'm in is a blues band for festival gigs and a "play everything" band for bar gigs. All of the music we play is old. "Maybe Baby" and "Margaretaville" are standards on our bar set list, which also includes gems like "Brick House", "Brown Eyed Girl", "The House is Rockin'", and "Evil Ways."

The band leader called a rehearsal and these are the songs to be learned:
"Soulshine", "Stuck in the Middle with You" and "It's 5 O'clock Somewhere."

The songs I recommended got shut down. One wasn't well known enough for people to dance to it. Another one was just not well known. The third "was like 'Margaretaville' (it isn't).

I'm frustrated because the guitar players in the band don't seem to want to spend any time learning anything "new" that they have to actually learn. It's okay if it's an old song that they can just play off the cuff or jam through, but they don't seem to want to learn anything that have parts that need to be played for the song to sound right.

We have a lot of gigs booked (I really don't know why) but I wish we were tighter, spent time working out parts, learned new, not just new to us, songs, and were generally a lot better than we seem to be satisfied to be.

It's frustrating.
Is the band a source of money or fun for you?
Then ask, does it spark joy!

marie-kondo.png
 
Can I give you some work advice? Never go to a meeting to get an important decision made. Instead, do the work before the meeting, talk to all the people you need, build the consensus, and get everyone on-board. Then at the meeting you just rubber stamp the decision.

How does this apply to your situation? Don't take a list of four songs to a rehearsal and feel bummed out when they are shot down. Instead, spend time with the folks in the band. Start to understand deeply what music they are into. Make a list in the back of your mind. Twenty, thirty songs. Put the songs on a playlist. Play the playlist sometime when you're driving somewhere with the band. Talk about the music. Talk about how it would be good to add some of those songs to your set. Then, when you know several members are into adding the songs, bring it up at rehearsal.
 
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I'm not the OP, but it made me think about myself a bit.

For me I would, and always have in the past, chosen to play stadiums with aholes doing music I didn't like, over bar bands doing the same old songs that I used to like but don't any more for meh money.

Tied with stadium gigs is playing music I really enjoy, with people I really like, not for money around people who are having as much fun as I am, hopefully a few of which are there voluntarily just to listen.
 
Play what the audience responds to. We went down the track with vocalists that insisted they "educate" the audience and in bombed badly.

I like to think we entertain people so I go with songs they know. It's not a bass showcase, it's a gig and has requirements.

Once in a while they call a bass solo and I'll do that, usually centre stage and whip the audience up into a frenzy but that's rare, usually meat and potatoes and I'm good with that.
 
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