Insane/Ill-Informed/Presumptuous/Entitled Parents

[MatticusMania]

To the teachers here, what do you think of this situation;

My daughter (5th Grade) gets a letter home saying she is going to be presented with The Principal's Award for academic achievement at a ceremony at school.

The day comes and I asked her how the ceremony went. She told me they didn't do the presentation and she gave me another letter.

It basically said - after much thought and conversations with teachers and parents, I have decided not to present the award in school because I do not want to discourage the students that did not get an award from trying to reach their potential.

So it looks like some parents of the kids not getting an award complained that their little jane's and johnnys would be upset to see their peers succeeding.


Boy was I pissed.

That is absolutely ridiculous... lets not make a positive example of this one child, as it might make the other children feel dumb.

 

[MakiSupaStar]

To the teachers here, what do you think of this situation;

My daughter (5th Grade) gets a letter home saying she is going to be presented with The Principal's Award for academic achievement at a ceremony at school.

The day comes and I asked her how the ceremony went. She told me they didn't do the presentation and she gave me another letter.

It basically said - after much thought and conversations with teachers and parents, I have decided not to present the award in school because I do not want to discourage the students that did not get an award from trying to reach their potential.

So it looks like some parents of the kids not getting an award complained that their little jane's and johnnys would be upset to see their peers succeeding.


Boy was I pissed.

Very very lame indeed. If a kid feels ashamed that they didn't get an award then they should set a goal and try harder. That's my perspective as a parent and a teacher.

 

[mpm32]

There were other kids that got the award too not just her, I wrote a letter to the principal I was so steamed.

Here's the letter;

Dear Principal:

I was very pleased when I received the letter informing me that my daughter was chosen to receive the Principal’s Award. It was nice to see that academic achievement was being formally recognized. My daughter had worked hard for her grades and was very proud that she was chosen.

Today I asked my daughter how the award ceremony went. She showed me the beautiful certificate and then your letter explaining why there was not an awards ceremony.

I find it very unsettling that the achievements of students cannot be recognized in a public setting for fear of upsetting those that did not get an award. What message does that send to those that did get the award? That it is nice that they got the award but please don’t speak of it?

What message does that send to the students that did not get an award? Why should they even try to improve if they see that their effort will only be recognized in a furtive manner?
This is just one more example of creating the next generation of mediocrity. Deciding not to recognize these students in a public setting has the same effect that giving everyone a trophy does who participates in a sport whether they have won or lost. Why should our children try to excel when everyone gets the same reward? Where is the incentive to excel when everyone gets the same result? The decision to not publicly recognize has the same effect of not giving out an award in the first place. Or the effect that giving everyone an award would have achieved.

Perhaps we should also stop posting the names of students that make honor roll in the newspaper as well?

I am deeply disappointed that you decided not to publicly recognize these children and feel that the message sent although initially positive, fell short.

 

[MakiSupaStar]

There were other kids that got the award too not just her, I wrote a letter to the principal I was so steamed.

Here's the letter;

Dear Principal:

I was very pleased when I received the letter informing me that my daughter was chosen to receive the Principal’s Award. It was nice to see that academic achievement was being formally recognized. My daughter had worked hard for her grades and was very proud that she was chosen.

Today I asked my daughter how the award ceremony went. She showed me the beautiful certificate and then your letter explaining why there was not an awards ceremony.

I find it very unsettling that the achievements of students cannot be recognized in a public setting for fear of upsetting those that did not get an award. What message does that send to those that did get the award? That it is nice that they got the award but please don’t speak of it?

What message does that send to the students that did not get an award? Why should they even try to improve if they see that their effort will only be recognized in a furtive manner?
This is just one more example of creating the next generation of mediocrity. Deciding not to recognize these students in a public setting has the same effect that giving everyone a trophy does who participates in a sport whether they have won or lost. Why should our children try to excel when everyone gets the same reward? Where is the incentive to excel when everyone gets the same result? The decision to not publicly recognize has the same effect of not giving out an award in the first place. Or the effect that giving everyone an award would have achieved.

Perhaps we should also stop posting the names of students that make honor roll in the newspaper as well?

I am deeply disappointed that you decided not to publicly recognize these children and feel that the message sent although initially positive, fell short.

I think you made your point quite clear. Well done.

 

[BioDriver]

This is why I'm glad I teach college lab sections. Plus it's always funny showing up to parties to see your students acting like idiots, and their reactions to seeing you after aforementioned actions are priceless.

 

[mpm32]

Thanks, in the scheme of things it's not a big deal but I deal with recent college graduates here at my company that think things aren't fair if they don't get (compensation, bonuses, recognition) as everyone else.

I got steamed because the issue where he buckled with the presentation is exactly what is causing it.

If my daughter came home and told me that other kids got an award and she didn't I would've told her to work harder and maybe she'll get one next time.

 

[Lady Kayri]

I belong to a group that sponsors an annual American History Essay competition (DAR for anyone who really wants to know.) We put on our own award ceremony for the students who win and place 2nd & 3rd at each grade level - because if we didn't, some of the schools here would just have the teachers give the kid their award envelope and not make any ceremony at all of it. (We also give out participation certificates as well, and most of the time those just get handed out to the kids - one school here two years ago didn't even hand out the certificates; a student who knew someone at another school who did get a certificate asked why he didn't get one; turned out the school he went to had just thrown the certificates out, as they didn't involve awards, and not all the students in the school had participated, so there weren't certificates for everyone.) Sad days we live in, when simple certificates aren't given out as it might make those students who couldn't be bothered to participate in a volunteer project feel bad... *Sigh*

 

[McHaven]

Thanks, in the scheme of things it's not a big deal but I deal with recent college graduates here at my company that think things aren't fair if they don't get (compensation, bonuses, recognition) as everyone else.

I got steamed because the issue where he buckled with the presentation is exactly what is causing it.

If my daughter came home and told me that other kids got an award and she didn't I would've told her to work harder and maybe she'll get one next time.

Situation reminds me of something that happened to me back in middle school. I was in 7th grade, and part of the curriculum was a "free reading" time in our Language arts class. I was reading a 1000 page fantasy trilogy (bound in one volume). I was reading it both at school and at home and after about a week I had finished the whole thing, so the next day in school I brought in the next book in the series. My teacher pulled me aside and told me not to bring a book over 300 pages to school because "my reading ability was making students around me feel bad, because I read at an above average level".

Um what? I was in an ADVANCED class! I thought it was expected for me to read at an advanced level.

 

[mpm32]

^^^ Nuts

 

[Blueszilla]

The problem is deeper than just trying/failing to teach your kids respect or encouraging them in school. Kids, especially at a younger age, don't do what you say, they do what you do. You can spend time with your kids reading or helping them with their homework, but if you yell at them/your wife-husband/dog and treat others with no respect, they will too. This isn't so much a problem with providing information, as much as it is providing an example, and that example spans more than just education. Understanding fair play, legitimate expectations and respect for people and property comes from observing others who are genuinely and actively involved in those activities on a daily basis. Don't want your kid to be an a*****e? Try not being one yourself.

I'm not accusing anyone of being anything, but try teaching a kid to read when he comes to school without a coat on a winters day, doesn't have any lunch money, and needs a bath. He just came from a home where the parents are abusive/alcoholic and bare of hugs/smiles/comfort. This kid will grow up and father more of the same. Education does start at home and way before the first day of school.

 

[DudeistMonk]

Situation reminds me of something that happened to me back in middle school. I was in 7th grade, and part of the curriculum was a "free reading" time in our Language arts class. I was reading a 1000 page fantasy trilogy (bound in one volume). I was reading it both at school and at home and after about a week I had finished the whole thing, so the next day in school I brought in the next book in the series. My teacher pulled me aside and told me not to bring a book over 300 pages to school because "my reading ability was making students around me feel bad, because I read at an above average level".

Um what? I was in an ADVANCED class! I thought it was expected for me to read at an advanced level.

That's total BS, and whats to say that just because a book is long it's advanced, an English teacher should know the difference.

I read The Stand in the 8th grade. After reading for a whole week straight I stayed up to make my "project" for the book report...the old black woman/prophet character out of clay and toothpicks assembled at 1am...which fell apart before I got to school. I handed the pieces to my teacher and said "I read a 1100 page book, that guy over there read 'goose bumps' can we pretend this stupid sculpture is in one piece?"

 

[MakiSupaStar]

That's total BS, and whats to say that just because a book is long it's advanced, an English teacher should know the difference.

I read The Stand in the 8th grade. After reading for a whole week straight I stayed up to make my "project" for the book report...the old black woman/prophet character out of clay and toothpicks assembled at 1am...which fell apart before I got to school. I handed the pieces to my teacher and said "I read a 1100 page book, that guy over there read 'goose bumps' can we pretend this stupid sculpture is in one piece?"

LMAO.

 

[DigMe]

There were other kids that got the award too not just her, I wrote a letter to the principal I was so steamed.

Here's the letter;

Dear Principal:

I was very pleased when I received the letter informing me that my daughter was chosen to receive the Principal’s Award. It was nice to see that academic achievement was being formally recognized. My daughter had worked hard for her grades and was very proud that she was chosen.

Today I asked my daughter how the award ceremony went. She showed me the beautiful certificate and then your letter explaining why there was not an awards ceremony.

I find it very unsettling that the achievements of students cannot be recognized in a public setting for fear of upsetting those that did not get an award. What message does that send to those that did get the award? That it is nice that they got the award but please don’t speak of it?

What message does that send to the students that did not get an award? Why should they even try to improve if they see that their effort will only be recognized in a furtive manner?
This is just one more example of creating the next generation of mediocrity. Deciding not to recognize these students in a public setting has the same effect that giving everyone a trophy does who participates in a sport whether they have won or lost. Why should our children try to excel when everyone gets the same reward? Where is the incentive to excel when everyone gets the same result? The decision to not publicly recognize has the same effect of not giving out an award in the first place. Or the effect that giving everyone an award would have achieved.

Perhaps we should also stop posting the names of students that make honor roll in the newspaper as well?

I am deeply disappointed that you decided not to publicly recognize these children and feel that the message sent although initially positive, fell short.

If you want this to have more impact you need to follow it up with the principal face-to-face. My school is all about awarding/rewarding accomplishments and positive behavior.

bc

 

[jmattbassplaya]

There were other kids that got the award too not just her, I wrote a letter to the principal I was so steamed.

Here's the letter;

Dear Principal:

I was very pleased when I received the letter informing me that my daughter was chosen to receive the Principal’s Award. It was nice to see that academic achievement was being formally recognized. My daughter had worked hard for her grades and was very proud that she was chosen.

Today I asked my daughter how the award ceremony went. She showed me the beautiful certificate and then your letter explaining why there was not an awards ceremony.

I find it very unsettling that the achievements of students cannot be recognized in a public setting for fear of upsetting those that did not get an award. What message does that send to those that did get the award? That it is nice that they got the award but please don’t speak of it?

What message does that send to the students that did not get an award? Why should they even try to improve if they see that their effort will only be recognized in a furtive manner?
This is just one more example of creating the next generation of mediocrity. Deciding not to recognize these students in a public setting has the same effect that giving everyone a trophy does who participates in a sport whether they have won or lost. Why should our children try to excel when everyone gets the same reward? Where is the incentive to excel when everyone gets the same result? The decision to not publicly recognize has the same effect of not giving out an award in the first place. Or the effect that giving everyone an award would have achieved.

Perhaps we should also stop posting the names of students that make honor roll in the newspaper as well?

I am deeply disappointed that you decided not to publicly recognize these children and feel that the message sent although initially positive, fell short.

I would love to see his response if you get one. By the way, congrats to your daughter, and my condolences to her for not getting to celebrate it

 

[Bocete]

This thread is full of worrisome stories.

I guess there were always some kids/parents/teachers like this. However, from what I see in my neighborhood, kids are more spoiled, schools overtolerant to degrees unimagined just 10 years before in my country. What do you think triggered this changes? I mean, bad parents will breed bad parents most of the time, but what can cause the initial surge of bad parenting?

 

[MatticusMania]

This thread is full of worrisome stories.

I guess there were always some kids/parents/teachers like this. However, from what I see in my neighborhood, kids are more spoiled, schools overtolerant to degrees unimagined just 10 years before in my country. What do you think triggered this changes? I mean, bad parents will breed bad parents most of the time, but what can cause the initial surge of bad parenting?

People, and their sense of self-entitlement.

Or maybe modern medical science, for not allowing evolution to take its proper course.

 

[Relic]

People, and their sense of self-entitlement.

Or maybe modern medical science, for not allowing evolution to take its proper course.

In part.... Dr Spock. Not the star trek guy - the guy who wrote a best selling book about child care and raising children. He had many many great points in his book, but part of his outlook is the "permissive parent" angle, and I think that it played no small part.

 

[MatticusMania]

Oh yes, if youre using 'permissive parent' in the way Im thinking it. I think those are definitely a part of that self-entitled group I mention, thinking that since the world owes them everything it also owes their children. The parents let their children get away with everything, even if they are essentially negligent, busy fulfilling their own wants/needs. These are the same parents that don't give their kids enough attention but are quick to go on the defensive "My kid WOULD NOT do that" types.
So many parents are quick to dole out the negative consequence when their child does nothing wrong, but completely skips over the 'positive reinforcement' that helps to really shape a childs scope of reality.

 

[Tony In Philly]

I am from the generation where whenever I complained about a teacher my father got in my face so fast insisting it was my problem and not the teacher's. These days parents seem to have it backwards. Also, I ended up being the same way with my kids and it seemed to serve them well.

 

[fdeck]

Back when I was a security police officer in the USAF, most of the time when we arrested kids for shoplifting, vandalism, etc., the majority of the time even back then quite a few of the parents reacted 'not MY kid! He'd never do anything like that!' usually followed by 'so-and-so must have tricked/talked him into/whatever' doing what they'd be doing. The parents who protested the loudest were usually the ones whose kid turned out to be the ringleader who was behind everything... Further, the ones who got into the most trouble were the ones with senior officers as parents; the kids of the enlisted folks didn't get into trouble nearly as much. Talk about senses of entitlement... and as we were arresting them, the kids would be telling the store detectives and then the security police personnel "do you know who my father is? You're gonna get into so much trouble - you better let me go!" *Sigh* So the refusing to take responsibility and 'my kid can't do any wrong - someone else has to be responsible' attitude isn't anything new. It just seems to be a lot more common than it used to be.

This reminds me of the "stages of grief:"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model

Maybe it's just human nature. As for being a lot more common than in the past, I'd wager that's hard to judge objectively.