Is my friend a bad person?

[JdFastMother]

So my friend - I'll call him Bob - told his wife yesterday that he had to take one of his basses down to the shop to have some work done on it. Then he took an empty bass case, kissed her goodbye, loaded the case into his car's trunk and headed to the store.
At the store Bob tried out a bass he was interested in and discovered he really liked it. Bob had cash on him that he had taken from a hidden spot in his garage where he puts money from gigs and stuff he sells, so he paid for the bass, asked the store to set it up etc and told them he would pick it up the next day. Then he went home and just left the empty case in his trunk.
The next day Bob went back to the store to pick up his new bass, put it in the case, went home and told his wife he was going to go to his music room to test out the repaired bass. After a little test - just a few hours - the new bass just slipped into the collection with his other dozen or so basses.
Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened. Is this normal behavior, or is my friend a bad person?

I like Bob! Sounds like me! lol Do I know you?

 

[Mark Laiminger]

"Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened." In my former business (retired prosecutor) this is what we called a clue. No intent to deceive? Is carrying an empty case around in the trunk an every day occurrence? I think not. Bad person? The fact that you, I mean Bob, are thinking about this and asking the question tells me you, I mean he, is not a bad person. This is the old forgiveness v. permission dilemma. Of course, my biggest fear is that after I die my wife will sell my basses (or worse, my guns) for what I told her I paid for them so I'm not one to talk.

 

[Softballcrew31]

Bob, lets be honest your wife knows!!! She can read you like a book. Since she doesn't have to worry about money for house hold needs and all bills are paid. Shes okay. The money didn't come out of the savings and it was your play money, which I'm sure she has a account like that too. My wife does.

I just bought a new weightlifting rack since that's my other hobby. I didn't tell my wife and the money didn't come from a credit card or mutual savings. It's not like I could hide it and it was delivered by UPS. My wife stated, " I can't get mad, since I buy stuff too."We both laugh and no harm.

But wife's know when we lie, or stretch the truth. HAHAHA

My wife and I agree that we won't use house hold money or savings unless we both agree on the purchase.

 

[ddezz]

I would say that Bob's wife is fully entitled to a romp in the hay with Bob's best friend.

 

[roccobass]

Can't say that Bob is Bad" or "Good" ,but I can say "Human". We all make mistakes. However, the act of deception is childish and shows poor judgement.

Last week I wanted to go look at a bass. I told my wife, & she asked me why I needed another one, etc. I told her I don't need another one, but this one is cool, and it's my money (nothing hidden away from her), and I'll buy her the new iPhone she was looking at. So now I have the bass and her new phone arrives in a few days.

Win - win. Everyone is happy, no secrets to keep, no guilt to bear.

Dude, your negotiation skills need to be marketed!

 

[bassmike2010]

So my friend - I'll call him Bob - told his wife yesterday that he had to take one of his basses down to the shop to have some work done on it. Then he took an empty bass case, kissed her goodbye, loaded the case into his car's trunk and headed to the store.
At the store Bob tried out a bass he was interested in and discovered he really liked it. Bob had cash on him that he had taken from a hidden spot in his garage where he puts money from gigs and stuff he sells, so he paid for the bass, asked the store to set it up etc and told them he would pick it up the next day. Then he went home and just left the empty case in his trunk.
The next day Bob went back to the store to pick up his new bass, put it in the case, went home and told his wife he was going to go to his music room to test out the repaired bass. After a little test - just a few hours - the new bass just slipped into the collection with his other dozen or so basses.
Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened. Is this normal behavior, or is my friend a bad person?

One picture...

 

[DennisM]

Don't know why you have to be sneaky?

 

[Dan Shea]

For years my mantra about new mountain bikes has been "Just get one the same colour as the old one, she won't suspect a thing". Of course, I have told my wife about this mantra, and she laughs, and we discuss big purchases before they happen anyways. (As far as I know - I can't tell the difference from one of her purses to the next...)

 

[tb-player]

So together you P.A.S. G.A.S? Sorry, couldn't resist.

Wow. Can't believe I missed that joke!!

 

[thewildman]

So my friend - I'll call him Bob - told his wife yesterday that he had to take one of his basses down to the shop to have some work done on it. Then he took an empty bass case, kissed her goodbye, loaded the case into his car's trunk and headed to the store.
At the store Bob tried out a bass he was interested in and discovered he really liked it. Bob had cash on him that he had taken from a hidden spot in his garage where he puts money from gigs and stuff he sells, so he paid for the bass, asked the store to set it up etc and told them he would pick it up the next day. Then he went home and just left the empty case in his trunk.
The next day Bob went back to the store to pick up his new bass, put it in the case, went home and told his wife he was going to go to his music room to test out the repaired bass. After a little test - just a few hours - the new bass just slipped into the collection with his other dozen or so basses.
Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened. Is this normal behavior, or is my friend a bad person?

Sounds like when my wife wears a 'New' Dress or a pair of shoes out, and when I ask her if it is new she says, "Oh this old thing I've had it ages". Yes it is brand new but, it has been sitting in the wardrobe for 2 months waiting for an ideal opportunity to give it an outing.

 

[ihixulu]

Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened.

the alcoholic sez "I didn't intend to fall off the wagon, it just happened."

the klepto sez "I didn't intend to steal your wallet, it just happened."

Bob sounds like someone I'd hate to be around. Who knows what other deception "just happened."

thanks for the warning.

 

[fortissimo]

It would be hilarious if Bob's wife were a subscriber to this group...

 

[And I]

A liar is a liar, doesn't matter what color you paint them.

Every one of us has told a lie at one point or another. By your logic we're all liars. It's easier to think things are black and white but in real life they never are.

 

[pompei]

In the words of the wonderful Colorblind James Experience, are you "a different Bob?"

 

[And I]

It would be hilarious if Bob's wife were a subscriber to this group...

Or Bob's wife's boyfriend...

 

[Neill Graham]

As I read your story, I was imagining an upright double bass which made the scenes even more amusing.
As a retired psychotherapist, I was wondering which problem to treat first if he came to me for help: addiction to basses, hoarding or intimacy communication problems with his wife. LOL

 

[Big Hoss]

Full disclaimer, I am a Christian, thus I beliee we are ALL sinners, thus all are bad. And I believe it's not our place to judge. Having said that, and trying to not steer into a faith based convo, what I can see here is it looks to me like Bob knows the answer. The big issue I see is Bob felt the need to hide this from his wife. Perhaps Bob needs to work out shared money, his money, her money, and the boundaries for spending it (I doubt Bob's wife would appreciate him spending his money on a mistress). My wife doesn't have an issue with me spending MY funds on my hobbies. (Music, and outdoorsmanship / camping / fishing etc...) FWIW, she encourages me to upgrade some things until I show her price tags. I.E. she wants me to buy a Rumble v3 40 as a practice amp as the v3 500 combo +210 is just stinking LOUD even at the lowest volume... A used 40 isn't badly priced, but a PS4 and Rocksmith was more functional for both of us... And left me with funds for her Yamaha digital piano... Or at least a payment into it...

 

[Cliff Colton]

"Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened." In my former business (retired prosecutor) this is what we called a clue. No intent to deceive? Is carrying an empty case around in the trunk an every day occurrence? I think not. Bad person? The fact that you, I mean Bob, are thinking about this and asking the question tells me you, I mean he, is not a bad person. This is the old forgiveness v. permission dilemma. Of course, my biggest fear is that after I die my wife will sell my basses (or worse, my guns) for what I told her I paid for them so I'm not one to talk.

There are many reasons why persons carry empty bass cases in their trunk, other than to deceive a spouse. I have an empty violin case in my trunk, but that's because I don't have a tommy gun.

 

[Tosh]

'Corrupt' ex-Nissan CEO fled Japan 'hiding in double bass case on jet'

Lots of folks carry empty bass cases around these days---

 

[Kingmixer325]

Perhaps Bob and his wife have an arrangement as to that "hidden" money; like if it's HIS money then certainly he can spend as he pleases. Naah - Probably not since he went to the trouble of deceiving her.