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Issues w Same-Sex (gay) wedding gigs

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zac2944

zac2944

Dec 28, 2004
2,291
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Rochester, NY
#1
I've been working in corp/party/wedding bands almost exclusively for the past 10 year, and in the last few I'm now working more and more same-sex wedding gigs. Makes since now that these marriages have have been legalized.

I'm cool with this and see it as an untapped market. Most of these events have been high dollar productions that pay well and appreciate live music.

In one of my current gigs I've got a few religious band members who have issues with being a part of such an event. I've kept my mouth shut for the most part, but not sure if I can stand by and say nothing in these situations any longer.

My reasons are: 1-It's my paycheck!, and 2-We are a business and a business can't (and shouldn't) discriminate. Remember, it wasn't long ago that restaurants would hang a sign in the window saying people of a certain skin color or ethnicity were not allowed. How is this any different.

Not sure how to best handle this. People are allowed there own personal discrimitation and I respect that, but not a business. At the same time, I like these folks in the band and they are very good and required as they are the male and female lead singers. There is a lot of pressure to not take these gigs from the religious two, and the rest of the band wants the cash.

Anyone else had to deal with this? Any ideas on how to best handle this situation?
 
#2
zac2944 said:
I've been working in corp/party/wedding bands almost exclusively for the past 10 year, and in the last few I'm now working more and more same-sex wedding gigs. Makes since now that these marriages have have been legalized.

I'm cool with this and see it as an untapped market. Most of these events have been high dollar productions that pay well and appreciate live music.

In one of my current gigs I've got a few religious band members who have issues with being a part of such an event. I've kept my mouth shut for the most part, but not sure if I can stand by and say nothing in these situations any longer.

My reasons are: 1-It's my paycheck!, and 2-We are a business and a business can't (and shouldn't) discriminate. Remember, it wasn't long ago that restaurants would hang a sign in the window saying people of a certain skin color or ethnicity were not allowed. How is this any different.

Not sure how to best handle this. People are allowed there own personal discrimitation and I respect that, but not a business. At the same time, I like these folks in the band and they are very good and required as they are the male and female lead singers. There is a lot of pressure to not take these gigs from the religious two, and the rest of the band wants the cash.

Anyone else had to deal with this? Any ideas on how to best handle this situation?
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I'd have a chat with those bandmates that have issues with this and replace them if need be.
 
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#3
Hello zac,

Ive only played one same sex wedding and I had no problems doing so. I was paid and the people in attendance were cool folks.

I see it as you do. A paycheck. Nothing more.

Ive always felt it isnt my job to judge anyone when it comes to gay people. It isnt my place.

Good luck
 
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#4
This is going to be a hard one to have a discussion on without getting into religion or politics, both of which are taboo. But treating it as band management...

Well, I was going to suggest getting subs, but I see it's your lead singers who have the objections, so forget that. Or maybe it's possible to put an alternative band together around different singers?

I'm not sure what the law is on discrimination at this point - probably depends on the state. I do recall there was a lawsuit over a baker refusing to bake a wedding cake for the same reasons. The law in your state may forbid them to turn down gigs on the basis of sexual orientation, or it may not. Check on that.

The other factor, though, is that if they are really uncomfortable with the gig, I doubt you're going to see them give their best performances. That may be something the client ought to know.

I don't really have an answer, just shooting in the dark here...
 
#5
I think that item 2 ("We are a business and a business can't (and shouldn't) discriminate") might be the key.

If I'm not mistaken, in the states where same sex marriage is legal a business can be sued for discriminating. Ask your fellow band members if their religious beliefs would extend to them paying the legal fees and any judgements again the band is someone gets wind of the fact that they are turning down customers based on this.

They are perfectly within their rights not to approve of something. But when they are being paid to provide a service, it's a business, and a business is not able to discriminate... so tell them that any same sex marriage ceremonies that ask you to play for free, you will gladly turn down!:D
 
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#9
This is what makes me glad to play with young people (not calling you old!). Religious beliefs are dying out among us heathen millennials. I'd have a serious talk with them because, as a business (and it seems like you take it as a serious business), you're giving your competition the edge by being unable to provide the service to this (growing) group. It's a shame it's so hard to find solid musicians, because your band mates be out of a job. Btw the way, I use parentheses too much (it helps cram in more info into one sentence).

Good luck :thumbsup:
 
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#13
I dunno, the discrimination thing worked out pretty good for Chik-fil-A in the long run. I guess bad publicity is STILL publicity.


I think your band members have an equal right to their prejudice as you have to your paycheck. There's nothing illegal at all about refusing service to anyone for any reason whatsoever. That's part of being a supposedly free country and why we have such interesting entrepreneurs as the "Soup Nazi"

If you push on this, I foresee bad things happening with your band.
 
#14
zac2944 said:
Not sure how to best handle this. People are allowed there own personal discrimitation and I respect that, but not a business. At the same time, I like these folks in the band and they are very good and required as they are the male and female lead singers. There is a lot of pressure to not take these gigs from the religious two, and the rest of the band wants the cash. ........ Any ideas on how to best handle this situation?
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Seems to me either someone compromises, or someone quits the band. Personally, I don't think the number of gay marriage gigs you would miss warrant breaking up a band. Personally, I'd pass on the gig and tell ya to hire a sub for the event.

This thread is heading in exactly the direction I thought it would. The PC'ers MUST have it THEIR way. Funny how liberal thinkers lose their liberality when someone disagrees with them.
 
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#15
It's a tough situation for sure. Personally I 'd actually seek a gig like this out - I love being around people different than myself to expand my horizons and see things through a different lens. These kind of experiences have been immeasurably valuable to me on many levels throughout my life. That being said, discrimination laws aside, I don't see why anyone should be forced to play a gig that they really feel uncomfortable with. A blunt conversation with them to see if they are open to putting their opinions aside and making the money, or if they just can't do this period is in order. Gay people being a major part of the audience is not even a factor for me or many others here I'm sure. But change it around to something that is important to you, and then how do you feel? So maybe you are a staunch Democrat, how would you feel about playing a "mission accomplished" party GWB threw for the "victory in Iraq"? Or his Birthday party? Or being the house band for some show on Fox news? What about a Hell's Angels convention? How about a Klan convention? Personally my line isn't drawn till we get to the Klan, that I just couldn't do, even if they are a legal entity that is allowed to have meetings. I'm not trying to draw a parallel between being gay and being a Klan member, all I'm saying is some people have very strong feelings about gay marriage. I don't get that, but as long as they aren't hurting anyone they have a right to be against it. Just like I can acknowledge the Klan can have meetings, I just wouldn't provide the entertainment there. The other obvious thing to me is, the people getting married probably wouldn't want them there anyway if they are that strongly against gay marriage.
 
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#18
New York has legalized same-sex marriage and non-discrimination laws. Your band could potentially be sued for refusing to perform. Is keeping those members worth the potential legal hassle, plus the cost of lost gigs? It may be worth it to those two members- but is it worth it to the rest of the band? If not, replace the singers.
 
#19
Is the "business" actually incorporated or otherwise a formed legal entity? If not, should lawsuits fly, sounds like a whole lot of individual liability. And if someone was trying to make a point, even if there was a corporation or LLC, individuals would also likely be named.

But on the real, if jobs are turned down, don't tell me that there aren't other capable bands willing to do the work? I have trouble imagining lawsuits, and instead envision the OP's band losing market share. My guess is that you now have a surge of same-sex weddings as pent-up demand manifests, but over time the ratio of mixed-sex/same-sex weddings will normalize. So, from a business perspective, how much work are the dissenting duo willing to sacrifice, and to what extent is the rest of the band willing to go along?

Also, who "leads" or "owns" the band? How are personnel decisions made? Are there realistic alternatives, on a sub or permanent basis?

From another perspective, your dissenting duo are moral midgets. If the work is so distasteful to them, they should not do it, or they should donate their ill-gotten gains to their favorite charity. They are giving you grief, but taking the money and creating bad vibes.

It's sad to see this kind of bigotry…especially among musicians, who in my experience tend to be more open-minded than most folks.
 
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