Leaving before it starts

[Munjibunga]

That's it? You're just worried about their reaction to your decision? That's all that this is really about?

Honestly, what exactly is it that you're asking here? How to continue to take responsibility for other people's feelings, for other people's choices, and for additional things that you haven't caused, and that you can't control?

On a related note, if this so-called "band" has never played a gig, has never done a recording project, has never actually gotten out of the garage or the basement, and has an overbearing mother who calls all the shots...and a pair of boys who are still tied to her apron strings, in what realistic sense can you seriously even refer to this as a "band"?

MM

... never one to mince words. I know, it's tough love.

 

[chuck norriss]

You can be in more than one band. You shoukd stay for the train wreck--may be an interesting story in there. Just be respectful to the mama no matter what & pick our battles; you'll never win against mama-wolf looking over her cubs.

 

[JoeWPgh]

Bail, and don't look back

 

[Mr L]

That's it? You're just worried about their reaction to your decision? That's all that this is really about?

Honestly, what exactly is it that you're asking here? How to continue to take responsibility for other people's feelings, for other people's choices, and for additional things that you haven't caused, and that you can't control?

On a related note, if this so-called "band" has never played a gig, has never done a recording project, has never actually gotten out of the garage or the basement, and has an overbearing mother who calls all the shots...and a pair of boys who are still tied to her apron strings, in what realistic sense can you seriously even refer to this as a "band"?

MM

Thank you very much, hit the nail right on the head with that.

There is a local contest around here in march and the grand prize is $2500. Looking at the other bands entered we have a big chance to win it. My plan is to lay low until after that then jump ship whatever the outcome is.

Their mom does have connections however and if I burn that bridge, things could get difficult for me.

So far I've managed to get the new lead singer out. Now I'm battling just to get her to let us do the competition! I don't know if I can make it till mid march to drop this...

 

[JoeWPgh]

Make it till mid March? That's 2+ only weeks.

 

[JimmyM]

Make it till mid March? That's 2+ only weeks.

It's a lifetime when you're in high school

 

[Mr L]

It's a lifetime when you're in high school

I'm out of highschool, it feels like a lifetime when we practice 4 days a week...

Gonna have to shrink down to 2 a week so I can fit in this other band.

 

[RustyAxe]

My worry is that my current band members are very emotional and I really don't want to burn any bridges or give them any reason to hate me, or come after me.

If that's even a REMOTE possibility you have been playing with crazy people. Get the hell out. Now.

 

[N.F.A.]

Bail

 

[mcnach]

Say goodbye and hello. No-brainer.

What he said.

Too much trouble too early on. Walk. Say good bye politely. But walk and don't look back.

 

[Jim Nazium]

Yep. A control freak mom, a girl, and two mamma's boys with issues. There ain't enough chili powder in the world to save that recipe.

Agreed. This is a great recipe for a reality TV show. For a band, not so much.

 

[QORC]

Run, Forrest, run!

 

[M Sterling]

Musicians leave and join bands all the time. As long as you handle your departure in a professional manner (i.e. no drama, dont leave them hanging on any gigs, etc...), you shouldnt have to worry about burning a bridge.

If you do this, and she is still unreasonable enough to hold a grudge, then she is probably a little crazy and no one who will mean anything to your career will care what she has to say.

 

[QORC]

Not every situation can be left on good terms. That's life. But you have to go. You know you do.

 

[Deleted member 92857]

If you wanted to leave before it starts, I'd suggest that you are too late. It started when mom started to run the band. It's not too late to get out though. And I wouldn't worry about mom's "juice" in the music industry. She would be in it making hay and money if she were any good instead of micro-managing her kid's non-gigging, non-recording band. I don't see you owing these people anything and I don't see you having anything to lose by leaving. Do it as nicely as possible, and don't elaborate any more than possible. You have an opportunity to join a gigging band. That's a good enough reason.

 

[zon6c-f]

My experience with a 'stage mother' was bad.

Stage mom and child -star appeared out of nowhere, first just sitting-in, then passing the hat at gigs, then attending band meetings, rehearsals and performances. Although not an offical member; continued passing the hat for her child-star whenever he sat in with us..whenver she deemed appropriate for him to sit-in.. They tagged-along with us from his age of 12 through 14. After a few notes, his voice would crack, as his voice wsa changing form boy alto to tenor to whatever...

Eventually, at a meeting she announced imminent stardom for us all..with exception of bass player..ME.. who she deemed as so jealous of her son, that I would stop our bands progress [with her ]due to my jealousy [of her son] and my ego. By that time I had years of tenure with that band. Yet she was able to turn the band against me, promised band we would all achieve stardom..with her son..either with me as bass player or another. I acquiessed to her, in favor of the band. She promised 'Nashville Stardom' for us all with studio sessions in 2 weeks, after she and child star went to Nashville.

After BL and guitarist spoon fed her our chord charts by long distance to Nashvillle, we heard no more from her for weeks.... More weeks went by.... 'OH..the studio would only allow their session players...'

Eventually child star had a minor recording career, as well as bit parts in TV series, B-Movies..all without us.

Flash forward decades to last year... 'child star' who by that time was grown , married and with children..comitted suicide...
I don't know any details.. but I will never get involved again with performing kids..no matter how cute their little antics are, child-stars or stage moms.

Original Poster: RUN.. RUN AWAY NOW..SHE IS ONLY USING YOU AND WILL USE ANYBODY TO ACHIEVE HER GOALS AND AGENDAS.

 

[Bassdirty]

I want to say run...but hang on for a sec.. is the mom hot?

 

[Saxn]

My experience with a 'stage mother' was bad.

Stage mom and child -star appeared out of nowhere, first just sitting-in, then passing the hat at gigs, then attending band meetings, rehearsals and performances. Although not an offical member; continued passing the hat for her child-star whenever he sat in with us..whenver she deemed appropriate for him to sit-in.. They tagged-along with us from his age of 12 through 14. After a few notes, his voice would crack, as his voice wsa changing form boy alto to tenor to whatever...

Eventually, at a meeting she announced imminent stardom for us all..with exception of bass player..ME.. who she deemed as so jealous of her son, that I would stop our bands progress [with her ]due to my jealousy [of her son] and my ego. By that time I had years of tenure with that band. Yet she was able to turn the band against me, promised band we would all achieve stardom..with her son..either with me as bass player or another. I acquiessed to her, in favor of the band. She promised 'Nashville Stardom' for us all with studio sessions in 2 weeks, after she and child star went to Nashville.

After BL and guitarist spoon fed her our chord charts by long distance to Nashvillle, we heard no more from her for weeks.... More weeks went by.... 'OH..the studio would only allow their session players...'

Eventually child star had a minor recording career, as well as bit parts in TV series, B-Movies..all without us.

Flash forward decades to last year... 'child star' who by that time was grown , married and with children..comitted suicide...
I don't know any details.. but I will never get involved again with performing kids..no matter how cute their little antics are, child-stars or stage moms.

Original Poster: RUN.. RUN AWAY NOW..SHE IS ONLY USING YOU AND WILL USE ANYBODY TO ACHIEVE HER GOALS AND AGENDAS.

DAMN that was uplifting! I always knew that "stage moms" left a bad taste in my mouth but holy HELL...

 

[AMp'D.2play]

My advice would be to get out ... now! Don't wait until after this competition in mid-March. Although you say there's a strong likelihood you may win, there's no guarantee. And even if you do win, who collects/controls the $2500? Mom, the "manager"?

The sooner you cut the cord, the more time you can spend getting familiar with the material from this other band that interests you more.

With 2 family members in the band being run by their mother, you are a 2nd class citizen and that will never change.

BTW, I highly doubt this mom has the type of connections to "make things difficult" for you when you leave.

If your gear is kept at the house of the 2 brothers (and mom), pack it up, announce your intentions to leave, and say sayonara.

 

[MegaSwing]

Walk away clean. Don't make it personal.