Leaving before it starts

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Mr L, Feb 24, 2013.

  1. Mr L

    Mr L

    Jul 22, 2012
    Vancouver BC
    I'm currently in a band with 2 friends that happen to be brothers. They are fantastic musicians but being that the guitarist has mild autism which causes him to still live a home, his mom likes to manage the band. This didn't look like it would be an issue as she has worked for a record label and I thought she would know her stuff.

    Fast forward 3 months: she makes decisions without consulting us (example would be she got a female lead singer without even asking our opinion, which is the last straw for me), makes embarrassingly long and unneeded posts on our bands FB (example would be she posted a super long thing a well as a video of the guitarist playing a song he submitted to a contest 3 years prior). The guitarist and drummer just go with it and say "oh she's just trying to help us, she knows what's best."

    She blocked me from the fb page because I kept deleting the insane posts she would make. Said I am hurting the band (even though I'm the one who went out and got a friend who's a graphic designer to make us a logo, she also got mad about that)

    She apparently got pissed at me that I setup an Instagram, twitter, soundcloud, and band camp page for our band without asking her if I could. Of course she wouldn't talk to me about it and every time I try to confront her about something she runs away or ignores everything I say.

    I'm starting to realize this is a lost cause and have been searching for a new band for the past little bit and I've since been invited to join a band that is 100% my style and in the process of being signed and recording an EP.

    My worry is that my current band members are very emotional and I really don't want to burn any bridges or give them any reason to hate me, or come after me.

    I really enjoy playing with them and the music we make is awesome.

    I just can't handle the lack of communication, lack of professionalism, and overall the lack of respect my opinion seems to have.

    We haven't really done anything along the lines of recording or shows. If this is a sign of things to come then I think things will only get worse.

    Just looking for other people's opinions.
  2. JimmyM


    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Ampeg Amps, EMG Pickups
    Say goodbye and hello. No-brainer.
  3. tmw

    tmw Gold Supporting Member

    Oct 17, 2006
    Delmar, NY
  4. +1.
  5. fenderbassman40


    Apr 7, 2011
    Brothers, mother, autism, female lead singer, still lives at home= RUN LIKE HELLLLL!!!!! Seriously, lace up your running shoes and start sprinting. Do not look back. Just keep going. Get out! Leave while you still have some sanity and self-esteem left. They will start effing with your mind so hard. No matter how good you sound with them leave. Again, if I did not make my point clear, write an email them that says "I quit" And then block all further correspondence from them.
  6. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    I like this post.
  7. smperry

    smperry Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Nov 3, 2003
    Bay Area, CA
    Endorsing Artist: Martin Keith Guitars
    I was about to ask how old you are, but it really doesn't matter. Get out of there now.
  8. kellyrojo


    Feb 16, 2011
    South Carolina
  9. She's a control freak - RUN !!!

    After a few months away from them you'll realise how messed up it was and wonder why you stayed so long.
  10. Axtman

    Axtman Supporting Member

    Mar 3, 2008
    Seattle, Washington
    It's not your band.....it's HER band!!!

    So unless you are satisfied with being a hired gun without any say in decisions.....leave.

    Life is just too short to deal with difficult band situations.

    Also don't spend your life worrying what other people think or may or may not do.
  11. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    The killer is in the house. GET OUT OF THERE NOW!!!
  12. If someone else told you this, what advice would you give them? I bet it would be the same advice people are giving you now. Quit the lost cause on as good terms as you can, and join the better prospect.
    Good luck.
  13. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
    Come after you? is the band connected?
  14. What do you mean "come after you"?
  15. creis2


    Nov 11, 2011
    Cambridge, MA
    According to your profile, you give in Vancouver, BC. You should have many musicians who would value you.

    Let this one go, you're better than that.
  16. Spaceman Ian

    Spaceman Ian MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU Supporting Member

    Jun 15, 2012
    Baltimore, Md
    M Basses
  17. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    Yep. A control freak mom, a girl, and two mamma's boys with issues. There ain't enough chili powder in the world to save that recipe.
  18. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    I'd say get out pronto, regardless of what these other guys say.
  19. pushbuttonfour


    Dec 20, 2012
    stay man you can work it out!!!!!!!!
  20. Mystic Michael

    Mystic Michael Hip No Ties

    Apr 1, 2004
    New York, NY
    That's it? You're just worried about their reaction to your decision? That's all that this is really about? :confused:

    Honestly, what exactly is it that you're asking here? How to continue to take responsibility for other people's feelings, for other people's choices, and for additional things that you haven't caused, and that you can't control? :confused:

    On a related note, if this so-called "band" has never played a gig, has never done a recording project, has never actually gotten out of the garage or the basement, and has an overbearing mother who calls all the shots...and a pair of boys who are still tied to her apron strings, in what realistic sense can you seriously even refer to this as a "band"? :eyebrow: